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Posted 03-31-2009 at 05:16 PM by girasol

I regret sacrificing my free time so that he could feel comfortable. There are only 3 alternative events here. One isn't even really alternative. Its more ...I have no idea how to put it. It isn't a club night, basically.
I told him that I would not be going to those for a very very long time if ever again. I also said I wouldn't be going to cube on big nights. I did this because I want to stay away from him and everyone else because they are all sacks of shit. Including my boyfriend. He clearly loves and adores me but he is a nutcase. I care about him more than anyone else but I can say that is in decline.
I could rant on but what has pissed me off is that 2 friends are coming up from Sydney and I was invited to predrinks and to come out with them as it is Simon's birthday. Well, I can't. Because I said I wouldn't be going to any of these events so he could feel comfortable. I am also annoyed that my bf asked m to save Saturday so we could do something. I know what is going to happen. We are going to maybe drive 5 metres from my house and he is going to ask me what I want to do. I don't want to do ANYTHING. I am going to say I don't have anything in mind and suggest he come up with something. He is going to not know what to do for about half an hour or 45 minutes. Then he is going to suggest some shit thing to do. After this he is going to suggest we go back to his to eat and watch a movie. That is a lie. He NEVER lets me watch the movie. He either talks or plays with me or gets up to get a drink or asks if we should have a cigarette break... And he will want to have sex. I am so over having sex. I am disgusted by everything and I don't think it is the smartest thing to try and have sex with me. I have been a bitch, unhappy and boring. But thats ok. Lets just have sex.
-_-

hahah.
Despite starting to have a big whinge I actually feel oddly happy. Even ecstatic as if I were high. But I am not. Unless its the tea.

I am going to go buy sneakers so that I can go to the gym next week. All of mine either have holes in them or are white or lilac because they were given to me by someone as a present - who obviously doesn't know me well. Or by my mum because she wanted me to change. I remember when she used to buy me clothes for christmas. They were all nice and things I never liked. I wonder why it is that she was giving herself a present instead of me - through me... I know that sounds ungrateful. I never said a thing. I wore them.
I just find it odd that now she sends socks with little ghosts on them or stockings with bats and crap on them. I am so over emily the strange and bats on my clothes...

I need to head out. Lunch with the one friend I have left. This time I want to win at pool, and be sober when I go to Spanish class.
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