On Bees and Sea Creatures.
A labor of love
Of compulsion Why does this bee land here? Shining opalescent --expose your brittle star. Each thin, reaching, deliberate arm Into nostrils, ears, tear ducts. Each rough, snaking, desperate arm Blindly, but fervently Stretched and examining With those thousand circular senses A saltwet nook. Even a hand on each of these six legs Would leave her short-changed. Wings are useless in a reef, and what good is sight in seawater? |
As I floated, fully boated
upon a mattress air I heard vibration and sipped libation There! I saw it There! Glinting winglets Flitting singlet in from out nowhere came a bee thing with its bee sting threatening my air chair. I ignored its humming it's insect thrumming buzzing toward my hair and with my flailing I went sailing towards my wetted scare. Splashing kicking cussing spitting I looked but saw no where my adversary buzzing its abdomen thrumming louder through my chair. Shook off my scare and my wetted hair I saw my striped bee sitting where I was amplified hurrahs in its throne, my chair! |
Did you write that just now, or should I know that one?
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Just off the top of me little head, just now. Yours inspired mine. Actually your thread title did.
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Seriously.
No one ever ask me why I don't post my poetry here again. |
What? Why? OK, I obviously faux pas'd somewhere.
I said yours inspired mine. You inspired me , meaning your wit spawned more wit. Admittedly mine was a simple wit about a shallow topic but come on. Or was me following in your footsteps taken to be thread jacking? If so I am sorry, just thought that well, mine was about bees and sea creatures too (well a beach bum really but close enough) that it could be the beginning of a whole series of bee related poems? Or because you didn't get any critiques? |
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Everyone likes to bitch about grammar and spelling, but no one wants to actually talk about literature, be it amateur or not. Not only did I not get any intelligent critiques or thoughtful advice, no one comments at all. When people do comment, it's either inane nonsense, or it's pointless commentary. |
Well I hope you keep sharing because I like your poems.
My favorite of yours of all time is this one, but not because you talk dirty or the sex, but because the symbolic imagery: https://www.gothic.net/boards/showthread.php?t=7560 Slut. by Underwater Ophelia i'm a honeylips that's what I am two nightcrawlers oozing their way across my face molassesslow like cakemix spreading across the floor and i'm an eiffellegs that's what I am two stalks thundering over this landscape smooth like pussy like european conquistadors spreading across the country i have this sort of complex where I am nonexistent and i am the only one who knows |
Haha I forgot about that one.
I liked that one, too. |
I don't really care for your newer one Ophey, not that it is bad, just not my cup o' tea. It reminds me of new age poetry too much, of which I think is garbage. HP yours was simple enough for me to understand and gave me a good chuckle. Ophey's "slut" poem is really good though, I do like that one.
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WHAT IS HAPPENING!? |
I'm of the opposite opinion to M.O.C and to me, it seems quite old fashioned in places. I don't see new age in it all. The last four lines in particular have a somewhat old fashioned feel to them in my opinion. The middle section, especially the last two lines, seems very sexualised to me. Not overtly sexy but with a definite sexual element to it.
I like it, you're very good Ophelia, I'm somewhat jealous of your talent. |
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And don't be jealous; I'm a hack. |
I'm being picky here, the only thing that I don't like is the repeated use of the word arm. I don't know if there's a substitute you could use for it where it's used for the second time that would work in the same context though, I just find the second use of it doesn't quite sit right for me.
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Huh. I did that deliberately.
I think I was doing a rhythm thing with it, but I can see why it'd annoy you. |
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