Whine.

Like good wine.

Barring a miracle, it's quite obvious by now that I'm not going to finish SPL in time. I've pretty much given up. I'm just too depressed about all the shit to try. :( I can't handle these rejections like a normal person, I'm way too fucked up and fragile...

And I know this won't make sense to anyone because I've only written in fragments on random threads...

And

I

B

-

-

:(


Next weekend will be the last time I will ever have fun ever again. That is a really fucking fucked up thing...

And that's, like, just a narrative that I've caught myself in, that I should break myself free of. But it all comes back down to this:

I am not this strong!


Watch me watch me unravel right alongside "you", guys... :D

I haven't really written anything in a long while. I've been mostly doodling crap, wallowing in misery, and spending way too much in the dead threads of this site... I hate myself so, so, so very much.

I wish I'd had what it takes to keep writing SPL.

Woe eternal.

It's just so sad. I have such a nice skeleton for it, the whole plot is completed, and, albeit poorly, each scene is separately outlined. It should be so easy, but I just can't bring myself to actually write it.
I feel so shitty about it, last time they told me my story wasn't what they were after, and this one is obviously even less what they want, so that just kills it. Murders any motivation.
(Maybe it also might have something to do with it, that their last deal was very sweet, and this time it's lame. Like, last time they paid really well for the stories they picked, this time it's pennies and they want longer stories. And in my opinion even the is harder this time.)
I hate it that I can never have any goals.
I never have any reason. In any sense of the word.

Hate.

Bah, my above message is a mess. I was editing it but I got caught in adding more and more gripes until the seven minutes were up and it swallowed all the shit I wrote in that time. That's annoying.

Rant-rant-rant.
Hate-hate-hate.
Woe-woe-woe.

The real world no longer exists.

I probably scared everybody off, didn't I? That's what I always do.

Woe is me, my life is so mundane. This quarantine is killing the last of my brain cells.
Many might say that I should thank my lucky stars to still have a job and a roof over my head.

But that doesn't stop the fact that I am so utterly bored.

Painting walls, hair, crafts <- all done, several times. Writing. Listening to music. Going on walks. Sitting on my ass all day and binge watch everything. Done, done, and done. I'm even learning a new language.

GAAAAH

I never thought that I need people like this.

Why do I need an Apple device to change my password for iCloud, a web-based service?! WHY?! That makes NO SENSE!!! UGGGHHH!!!!!111

Good thing I didn't sell my almost decade-old Macbook (bless its heart)! GAH!!!

Get it together, Apple!

Completely agree. Apple is extremely frustrating to operate. God forbid you forget a password to any account/device - you'll be doomed.

I finally sold a short story to a publisher. Got actually paid for it today. This should be it. The holy grail. A first victory.

Seriously. My shitty crap shit piece will be printed in an anthology.

Woo.

Somebody congratulate me or something, because nobody has said anything nice to me about it and consequently I'm feeling mostly only shitty about it.

Maybe one of the bots here could spam me with some pleasant ads?

Anybody want to gouge out one of my eyes, and I'll stick my tongue at you?

:p

I watched Brand New Cherry Flavor.

It was really fucking good.

Except for the ugly-3d-model, cliche-twitchy spirit. Ugh. That was just dumb.

I'd love to see a version of this show where that stupid effect was left out, and in its stead there would always be just empty air and haunting music. The characters' reactions to the emptiness would be cool.

Oh, yeah... I just realized I have one episode of it left. Hah. Watch it tomorrow probably. Hopefully.

L

O

L

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.

Yeah.

Straight to the moon one day, baby.

I can attest to this.