SIlence
 

Well, he's dead, has been since last year and will stay forever like that: Dead.

I can't get over it. I don't know where to put those seven years, or how to push them away. He passed away suddenly, at 41.

No, I'm not thinking about killing myself... I wish I had the energy to really wish something, to feel passionate about something, except the urge to run away from this place as fast as I can... But what good does running away (again)?

Just when I have this tiny hope and I tell myself "I'm doing it, I'm making progress", then I realize I'm not... The sadness gets back, exactly same flavour as usual: There is no damm changes on it...

I need to fight against this or I'll bury myself with him... But I have no idea how to do it, everything I try seems just another mistake...

This feels sometimes like my own death in slow motion... I hate it.

I've asked a lot of people how long will it take, but the answers they gave me were so vague, they soundded almost lyrical...

So, I'm asking YOU now.

What's happened Steppenwolf? It sounds like you've lost your spouse but I'd like to make sure I'm not just assuming.

Sounds like you're dealing with some pretty hardcore grief there. No one can give you a definite answer because there isn't one. Every one goes through it differently.

If you're anything like me, it will be a while before things don't feel wrong all the time anymore. There will be some time while you hurt deeply and darkly, there's no way to stop it and nothing to make it go away before its time.

From what I gather from my own experiences and observations of others, the desire to run, to move away after the death of a loved one is very common. Unless you are unhappy with your surroundings themselves it's a good idea to stay put and not stress yourself further with a move.

Let yourself feel the way you do, grieve. Remember him, go through all the times you had together, contemplate your relationship and what it meant.

Before you know it, you will wake up one day with hope creeping into your heart like sunshine on an early spring day.

*hugs* It sucks so much to lose someone close. I hope you heal well.

Im sorry to hear.

I was with someone for almost a decade and it was really hard when it happened. didnt die though but ... just hope youd feel better or something would come up and lift you up a bit

It is easy to feel that way at first. Even though you might really want to go be with that person, because there is suddenly a void in life, it is better to think about everything they did while alive and try to find comfort in other things.

After someone passed away, I got rid of most everything that reminded my of them. I got rid of a lot of stuff. Several years later, there is a point to it all and I still have some things that are better memories of their life.

It is sad, yet there is more to everything and accepting the truths about life is beneficial.

I don't even know how long Steppenwolf *hugs*
Is there something you can immerse yourself in and only think of that for a while? Even a minute or two at a time helps give you a break.

... any advice I think of just sounds dumb. But that's what I've been attempting to do so that's all I have.