the Corrupted Wishes game
 

Ack, don't kill me for making a thread, but I looked and didn't see this here, so I figured, why not? I love this game. I've played it on a few other boards, and thought I'd post it here (since no one else did, heh.)

Basic rules... it's like The Monkey's Paw. First person makes a wish, then the next person grants the wish but with an unpleasant twist and makes a wish of their own, and so on. So, I'll start with a wish of my own.

I wish I had a million dollars.

your family dies leaving you one million richer.

I wish I could speak finnish

You awake one night with an awful cramp in your gut and although you first wonder whether or not the chili you ate earlier is the culprit, you soon realize that no matter what it is, you're going to puke. Your stomach clamps and you launch from beneath the bedcovers, inadvertently waking your wife long enough for her to say, "What's the matter?" before she settles back down and returns to sleep. Once inside the bathroom, you lean over the toilet as the worst of the cramps tears through your mid-section. Stomach acid, snot and bile explode from your mouth and nose, forcing your nervous system to shake, your muscles to clench painfully and your throat to burn. Something's coming up, something large and solid. Another clenching, another. You can feel an object traveling slowly up your intestinal tract. One leg jerks from the floor as you retch once again and then you can feel it - something enters your throat. It scrapes its way upward, gag, upward, gag and your airway becomes blocked. You lean your head back, trying to open your passage and CRACK! the object snaps a bone in your neck. You crumple to the floor, shaking, unable to breathe. Your body clenches, your bladder and bowel let go and the object moves; your throat relaxes and the object slides up a little further. Your eyes water and you can feel the frenzied desire of your system craving air. Something touches the back of your teeth - the object, or at least some of it has made it into your mouth. You can still feel more of it in your throat, something long and hard (shut up). A final, weak exhalation and your eyes roll downward to fix on the head of the object (shut up again). It's a hammer, what the fuck, what the FUCK? coated with mucous, blood and a few masticated, partially digested beans from your chili earlier that night. Your brow creases. Written on the head of the hammer in black, permanent marker is the word "Maxwell".



i wish my wife was bi and that a different woman joined us in bed every night.

((I really don't know what to write about your wish, so lemme wing it.))

Wife becomes bi.

Third person in convinces now bi wife to tie you up.

Wife denies the male gender of goods and becomes a full blown lesbian.

You are left there tied up for the rest of your days.

...

I wish bread weren't a carb.

Granted... and aside from throwing the entire food pyramid out of whack and causing the government to spend millions of tax dollars to fix it AGAIN, it now has twice the calories it did before, all from trans fat.

I wish I could turn myself and the clothes that I am currently wearing invisible at will.

granted.

all your bills disappear, along with all your possessions, your housing, your car, your... everything, leaving you alone and naked in a world that no longer acknowledges your existence.

i wish i could win the lottery on tuesday - mega millions - 111 million dollars, just like the obese monster from spazik's story would like to do.

Granted! You win the 111 million, but taxes wipe out half of that. You become a huge conceited prick with your money, amke very bad stock choices and lose it the rest in a nigerian scheme.

You end up alone, unloved and lying in a ditch where people spit on you as you go by.

I wish this Hangover would go away.

Granted! You now have perfect eyesight and go deaf. You can't understand anyone and you're too old to grasp sign language. the barrier slowly drives you crazy and you alianate everyone that's close to you. End up cold, alone, and lying in a gutter.

I wish it wasn't so damn hot. It should be a nice 85 degrees. always.

It's a nice 85 degrees outside every day - but the air is so polluted and acidic, that going outside or opening the windows will melt your flesh and burn your lungs.

I wish I knew everything anyone ever thought at will.

Granted!! But for every thought of someone else’s you knew, you lose one of your own. Soon, you lose control of whose thoughts you knew, allowing other people’s thoughts to get in your head and multiply. Soon you would get so confused trying to remember if the thoughts in your head belonged to you or to another person that you simply go mad and spend the rest of your life in a mental hospital.

I wish I could have Ned back.

Granted.

Ned comes back, but he's had a horrible accident. He now has amnesia, and he has no idea who you are. He will never, ever recover. You think well, you can start fresh with him. But along with the amnesia, he has also changed his tastes in friends and lovers, and your personalities clash.

I wish I could get past my writer's block.

Granted... you now write continuously, not stopping to eat, drink, sleep, bathe, or use the toilet... after a while you die of dehydration. Finally, you are discovered (due to the stench, most likely) along with your writings, which consist mostly of delerium-inspired drivel. They are published, but even after this horrific and tragic end, you still have no recognition.

(ok, that was kinda sad...)


I wish I was a more talented artist.

Granted...you become extremly talented, but your work goes unrecognized your entire life. Finally, after having died in tragic poverty and lonliness, a cleaning crew discovers your work and decides to sell it to a gallery for $5 a picture. The gallery displays them and they become the greatest treasured art peices of all time. You roll over in your grave.

I wish it was November 1st already.

Granted. It's November 1st... but Novembet 1st, 2004.

I wish I had enough money to donate to the Red Cross.

granted. but silly you - you donated it to redcross.com instead of redcross.org. redcross.com, you've come to find out, is a horrible scam site and they've opened thirty credit cards under your name and social security number. you're now so far in debt, you'll never get yourself out from under... even if you win three lotteries.


i wish this blister on my palette would go away. it hurts. - never eat microwaved hot dogs in the morning while half-asleep. -

Granted.

The blister finally goes away, but only after it ate a hole in your pallet that went all the way through to your sinuses. There was no surgery able to reconstruct it, so you have to wear a prosthetic device that make you look somewhat like Jaws from the 007 movies. It doesn't fit well, it scares old women, children, and the really hot ladies you try to pick up in the bar. But when you don't wear it, you whistle when you talk, which manages to infuriate all dogs withing a 5 mile radius.


Okay, that was really lame.

I wish I had more coffee.

Granted

But the batch came from the Escobar cartel and now that you're hopped up on more coke than actual coffee, today you take a urine test at work.


I wish I wasn't always right...

...and you brush your teeth with fungal cream.

I wish I had limitless wishes.

You do, but immediately after this power is granted to you, you get hit by a bus.

I wish I had energy.

You finally have more energy than any other single living human being on the face of the planet..

And then the planet is destroyed by giant flying Cockroaches..

I wish I could carry all of those stranded people on the I-10 bridge to safety and brand new homes..

You are wake up instantly at 7 every morning, and feel immediately energized all day, doing everything quicly and super-effectively, walking at a brisk pace, looking silly and unable to relax. Then when the evening comes, at around 23.00, your body shuts down, completely drained. You have no choice but to sleep dreamlessly until dawn.

Actually that sounds like the kind of lifestyle hardworking old people tell you they used to have.

I wish for the ability to smell people's feelings.

Aw, crud. Too slow with my post... feel free to ignore my selfish wish.

And hey, EPS!!! *waves* Good to have you back among the un-dead.