[Corpsey]

First of all, I've only recently found out what goth was and decided that I am one after all.
Beforehand, I was a fairly happygo carefree kiwi, which is what many kiwis can be described as, so I'll go further into it.

I didn't care what people thought of about me, I always lived by the saying "don't let anyone upset you when you're being yourself". I would do air guitar going down the road and do it even more obviously when people started to stare at me to make people look the fuck away. I would try to be a christian, but I wouldn't shove it down other peoples throats, or be into the whole evangelical thing.

I also lived by my favourite motto "be friendly to people, as you never know how it could affect someone's day". I would sometimes wear my "Elmo wants a hug" shirt just to show that deep down inside, I'm just someone who is still 5 years old at heart and wants to get to know people. I was also rather immature, to say the least, i've grown up quite quickly since i started university, and in the process realised that I'm goth.

The first changes I had was probably when i began to have opinions about group mentality. I never wanted to say all the same things like my parents did to their friends, or react like fish do to each other in a school, it just seemed pointless and sad. The my father invited me to go to one of his work parties when i was staying up there with him for the holidays, and the whole party soon became segregated into two very steriotypical groups in military society. The men went outside to the barbeque, smoked, drank beer, swore and bitched about people in other countries. "Those fucking ities, those damn pommes, the french ladies..."you can guess how the rest of the scene went. The women stayed inside and had "civilised talk" about the weather, who was about to give birth, new people who had arrived into town and so on. The male scene seemed relatively retarded as everyone was acting pompous and arrogant, while it was sad to see how the women were so trapped in their lives to these men and had nothing better to talk about than who was having groupie sex and who wasn't. Fuck, I could hardly stand the men, and yet the women made me even more upset. I wanted to never become like these so called men and never subjugate anyone to having to live like these wives had to.

I had been through that whole metal head period where anything without some sort of distortion i considered blasphemous by thi point in time, and was greatly into the alternative scene. But then i started to think that all this music was generally rubbish. I went back to listening to people like Andre Botticelli (who i adore) and Frank Sinatra, and really got into the 60's music scene thanks to one of my friends. Eventually i stopped listening to all those "hardcore" bands and started listening to good music. I discovered Kyo on an exchange trip and fell in love with their melodies and Benoit Poher's beautiful voice. Hell, i even learned to appreciate all the older rap like Run DMC and eventually Tupac, along with Scribe and P Money. I would start to openly say what i thought about all that music that everyone thought i liked, like metallica, rather than worshiping them to not look odd. This gave me some interesting stare's at parties, but it was worth it just to laugh about later.

Finally, i came to this website, and originally looked ike a complete twerp I must admit. I eventually learned about what goth was and decided that I was goth after all, after being labelled with it for ages by randoms that hardly knew me. I am very reluctant to be labelled with something. For example, people think I must be some sort of person who tries to be a complete saint and that I look down on all those people who aren't because of how they live, because I call myself a Christian. I personally don't give two shits how people live as long as they don't try to force their way of life on me, and I give other people the same coutresy.

So, it was a gradual change, but I eventually grew up and realised I was goth.