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One day, god got tired of there being nothing to waste his time, so he made the Earth. There were all these little people on it that he could control, and he became quite addicted to messing around with us. The Spanish Inquisition? What a laugh! The Bubonic Plague? Much better than ‘death by flies!’ God made all sorts of new expansion packs to give us new clothes, countries, religions, everything. He spent so much time playing with us he nearly flunked out of god-school!
Then one day, God got Spore(tm) and left us on auto pilot. He hadn’t worked out all the bugs in the system yet, so we began doing strange thing without his heavenly guidances: Starting wars, saying His name in vain, leaving our TV dinners in the oven until they are engulfed in flames and then running around in circles and screaming instead of calling the fire department, the list goes on and on. We can only hope that if we are truly devout and fulfill our true purpose, (fucking as many people as possible, becoming a pretentious tit, amassing an army of sycophant shitheads, or making a bunch of evil little minions we can brainwash to believe what ever we tell them to) He will someday return and start drowning us in our swimming pools once more.
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Stop.
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