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I shall firstly apologise for the following rant, especially reading this thread and realising the kind of serious shit the rest of you had to deal with (particularly EPS and Disfunction, I hope things look better for you guys soon), it makes this seem rather crap and whiny but I would like to try and get it out of my system.
Basically, I saw a man kill himself this morning and I’m not really dealing with it. I’ve seen dead people before, I was an auxillary nurse for a while and I worked in a morgue, but this is the first time I’ve seen someone actually take their own life. I currently work at a coffee shop at a railway station, right down on platforms 3 and 4. I’ve been working there for a year and a half, and in that time there have been 4 suicides by people putting themselves in front of a high speed train, but this was the first one I actually saw happen. Normally the person goes right down to the end of the platform where they can walk off the end and stand on the tracks and wait, but this man stood right next to the shop and jumped down just before the train came through. It was…disturbing to say the least.
Thankfully this was early morning, and there were not very many people about, so not a lot of people had to see it. I was bored (not much going) and I had noticed him sort of pacing and acting suspicious, and this being a train station we’re told to ‘observe’ any one acting suspicious and report it because of the terrorist attacks in London and threats that have been made against the station. So I was watching this guy pacing around, looking up the tracks, looking to see who was around, looking at me looking at him. I heard the train, saw the lights, and he just jumped, just fucking ran, jumped and waited for a split moment until it hit him. Being the dumb fuck I am I just stood there staring at what was left and then grabbed the phone to say I ‘think’ someone had jumped. Not sure why I said ‘think’ but they (station staff) were already on to it and started rounding up the few people who were around and getting them to the evacuation points (the station has to be closed in this kind of event).
I know I should probably feel sorry for this guy, that he clearly felt so awful about life that the only solution he could see was to launch himself at a train, but I can’t help being really pissed off. I’m all for a person’s right to kill themselves, but making someone watch you do it is totally fucking selfish. Didn’t this guy have the slightest bit of concern for anyone else? What about the poor guy driving the train? He sees someone on the tracks and he knows what’s coming, there’s no way he can stop the bloody train. To put someone through that just because you’re too chicken shit to cut yourself is beyond fucked up. So now I have a graphic visual of what his insides look like, and I have to go to work tomorrow and try not to think about what happened there this morning. I bet when the local papers come out there will be a front page dedicated to the poor man so depressed that he felt the need to tragically take his life.
Well fuck him. And fuck them. And I don’t believe in Hell, but if I did I would hope he was there.
I’m sorry if this causes offence to anyone, I’m probably just being overly bitter, it’s kind of obviously been a bad day.
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