Gothic.net Community - View Single Post - Why does marriage tend to be so damn unequal?

Mealla · 09-23-2008, 05:41 AM

This relationship does sound as though it is emotionally abusive. And physical abuse usually doesn't happen right off. I was in a similar boat, got myself into a relationship where the guy was living with me, and he would manipulate, intimidate, or guilt-trip me into doing whatever he wanted me to do. He would often use threats, yelling, cursing, and the like. He also never cleaned, and I was expected to do the dishes, clothes washing, cooking, etc.

From what I've heard, this sounds like a bad relationship. A good relationship can be characterized by how happy both people are, and how well they work together to take both the good and bad times that life throws at them. Fights do occasionally occur even in good relationships, but I would be wary if they happen fairly often, if they are as violent as they sound (even if the violence is not yet directed at you physically), and if you are left that distraught after them.

From what I've read here, I would suggest you leave him, or at the very least stay with a relative or friend for a few days to think things over. I'd also suggest talking to a trusted relative, friend, or a mental health professional/counselor about the current conditions in the relationship for better advice on what to do in your specific situation. Relatives or friends would be concerned about you and would be at least somewhat familiar with your husband, and a psychologist, counselor, or social worker would be aware of what warning signs to look for, and would have resources for you should you choose a divorce. If money is a problem, many mental health professionals work on a sliding scale if health insurance won't cover it, and many communities have affordable mental health centers.

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you have kids at this time. He would just use them to manipulate you, and if the environment in the relationship is that stressed right now, that's not a good situation to bring kids into. Additionally, he would be likely to treat kids the same way he treats you if they do something he doesn't like. Would you want him yelling at your kids, throwing things, and cursing at/around them?

The fact that he lied about himself to get you attached to him is also despicable, and if he lied about liking horror movies, he could have lied about other things.

09-23-2008, 05:41 AM	#35
Mealla Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Lost City of Atlanta Posts: 326	This relationship does sound as though it is emotionally abusive. And physical abuse usually doesn't happen right off. I was in a similar boat, got myself into a relationship where the guy was living with me, and he would manipulate, intimidate, or guilt-trip me into doing whatever he wanted me to do. He would often use threats, yelling, cursing, and the like. He also never cleaned, and I was expected to do the dishes, clothes washing, cooking, etc. From what I've heard, this sounds like a bad relationship. A good relationship can be characterized by how happy both people are, and how well they work together to take both the good and bad times that life throws at them. Fights do occasionally occur even in good relationships, but I would be wary if they happen fairly often, if they are as violent as they sound (even if the violence is not yet directed at you physically), and if you are left that distraught after them. From what I've read here, I would suggest you leave him, or at the very least stay with a relative or friend for a few days to think things over. I'd also suggest talking to a trusted relative, friend, or a mental health professional/counselor about the current conditions in the relationship for better advice on what to do in your specific situation. Relatives or friends would be concerned about you and would be at least somewhat familiar with your husband, and a psychologist, counselor, or social worker would be aware of what warning signs to look for, and would have resources for you should you choose a divorce. If money is a problem, many mental health professionals work on a sliding scale if health insurance won't cover it, and many communities have affordable mental health centers. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you have kids at this time. He would just use them to manipulate you, and if the environment in the relationship is that stressed right now, that's not a good situation to bring kids into. Additionally, he would be likely to treat kids the same way he treats you if they do something he doesn't like. Would you want him yelling at your kids, throwing things, and cursing at/around them? The fact that he lied about himself to get you attached to him is also despicable, and if he lied about liking horror movies, he could have lied about other things.