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Old 12-22-2010, 07:57 AM   #103
Apathy's_Child
 
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Join Date: Aug 2007
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While I'm in the mood:

CUT TO THE TWO ZOMBIES LEAPING TOWARDS THEM. APATHY GHOSTS OUT IN FRONT OF THE GROUP LIKE LIGHTNING AND MEETS THEM EACH WITH AN IRON FIST TO THE FACE, KNOCKING THEM BACKWARDS THROUGH THE AIR UNTIL THEY CRUMPLE IN OPPOSITE CORNERS OF THE OFFICE AREA. THE WHOLE THING LOOKS AWESOME. IN FACT, THAT PART HAPPENS IN SLOW-MO. AFTER SLAMMING DOWN HARD ON THEIR ASSES THE TWO ZOMBIES SCRAMBLE TO THEIR FEET AND ADVANCE, SNARLING, ALL PALLID FLESH AND BLOODY MOUTHS AND DEAD EYES. WE ARE LOOKING AT WHAT REMAINS OF HONEYTHORN AND SOLUMINA. APATHY RAISES THE SHOTGUN AND THE RAG-TAG ASSHOLES BEHIND HIM RAISE THEIR RIDICULOUS WEAPONS, A COMBINATION OF KITCHEN KNIVES AND MEAT CLEAVERS. DESPANAN BRANDISHES A BARBEQUE PRONG.

Despanan: [performing an ungainly but enthusiastic attempt at a Bruce Lee kick and spin] Woooo-TAH, bitchezz!

Kontan: Dude. Did you just twirl?

Despanan: What? [frowns briefly then breaks into a smug smirk] Ohhh... are you perchance alluding to my kick-ass martial arts skills? [raises the bbq prong like a Samurai] Fuckin’ TOLD you I knew karate.

Kontan: [nonplussed stare] Nah, man. I don’t know what you THINK you just did, but that was definitely a twirl.

Apathy: [shoots the advancing Solumina in the face and turns his head to snap at them as Honeythorn leaps on Jack] Shut the fuck up, you two! I can’t aim properly with you bitching in my ear!

Saya: Whoaaaa! Jack’s going in the man-cupboard! [looks around wildly] Sternn! Sternn! There’s a Republican on Jack, Sternn!

Jack: [struggling with Honeythorn, who has him in a headlock and is attempting to tear out his jugular with her teeth] Yeah, man! Right here! You see her – she’s tryin’ to stop me having an abortion!

Saya: Then she’ll steal the baby and raise it to be a little Eichmann, Sterrn!

Jack: You gotta help me, man! [sings] Get up, stand up, stand up for mah rights...

Sternn: [losing his shit as he stares at Honeythorn] BRAAAGGGGGGGGGHHH! [leaps on her, savaging her like a crazed Irish wolfhound]

Kontan: [in the background, to Despanan] Do the twirl again. It was cute. You did it real pretty.

STERNN, HAVING RIPPED HONEYTHORN FROM JACK, THROWS HER ACROSS THE ROOM AND INTO THE WALL. APATHY, BEING AN AWESOME SHOT, WASTES HER WITH THE SHOTGUN MID-AIR BEFORE SHE EVEN FUCKING LANDS. AS HER BROKEN BODY CRUMPLES TO THE FLOOR, THERE IS A MOMENT OF SILENCE, THEN STERNN BREAKS INTO A CELEBRATORY IRISH JIG AS THE OTHERS HEAVE A SIGH OF RELIEF.

Sternn: Great stuff! [yelling over at the corpse] Tell yer man Cheney to put THAT in his pipe and smoke it, ye CUNT! [jigs over to the corpse pumping his fists in the air, spits on it, and gives it a kick. He then drops to his knees on top of it and falls to beating it with his fists as the others speak]

Saya: Shit. [kicking in the wreckage miserably] Honey and Solly.

Jack: [beating Apathy, who’s opened his mouth to answer, to the punch] C’mon, Saya. [squeezing her shoulder] There might be more of them. But there also might be some left alive. We need to find them, then get the fuck out of here.

Apathy: [pleasantly surprised] Well, whaddaya know. You mouth-breathers DO occasionally climb far enough out of that intellectual cesspit you typically inhabit to absorb a little of my wisdom.

Jack: It’s rare, man. Lamentably rare. But underneath our occasional audacity in disagreeing with or questioning you, we’re all honoured to be a part of such a wonderful process when our thinking elevates enough to let us look at things on your level.

Apathy: [putting up a modest hand to stop him] You don’t have to explain, Jack. I KNOW how shit-hot I am.

BEHIND THEM, KONTAN IS STILL TAUNTING DESPANAN, AND THE LATTER IS LOSING HIS TEMPER AND FLAILING AT KONTAN MAKING “NEEEE-YAH!” NOISES.

Kontan: THAT’S it, baby-cakes! Now you’ve just gotta do the cute little twirly thing – [is cut off as Despanan flukes a roundhouse kick that slams into his jaw] OW! [stares at him for a second, rubbing his jaw and glaring, then they flail at each other like 8 yr old girls again]

Kontan: Psychotic BITCH!

Despanan: Insubordinate DICKWAD!

Saya: [stepping over and flicking them both hard in the ear, making them rear back squealing like pigs being slaughtered] Knock it off, you two! If you get us killed I will rip out your colons, put them on the side of my head and prance around going, “Look! I’m an alien!” [mimes, dancing with unhinged glee as they stare at her incredulously]

Kontan: ... Dude. Are you high?

Jack: [perking up] HIGH? You got drugs, Saya?

Saya: [glaring murderously] I mean it. QUIT bitching around. We are in heavy fucking danger here. If you want to play Eddie Hitler and Richie Rich, go and fucking do it somewhere else, because we have got a fucking job to do.

Jack: ‘Cause if you got drugs... well, it’s the apocalypse, man – we gotta help each other out, you know? -

Despanan: [to Kontan] Dude, she’s a slut! She said fuck like five times!

Kontan: Oh man, angry sex!

THEY HIGH-FIVE.

Saya: [to Apathy impatiently] PLEASE can I kill them?

Apathy: Nah. Unfortunately, they’re kind of integral to the plot.

Saya: [watching Kontan and Despanan, who are now pointing at one another singing Eye of the Tiger with shit-eating grins again, all apparently forgiven between them] ... Dude. Seriously. I’d consider a re-write.

Apathy: [shrugs ruefully and addresses the group, who fall silent at his authoritative whisper] Okay. We’re headed upstairs now. We don’t know what we’re going to find up there, but here’s what we do know. We will probably find more zombies. Destroy the brain. We may also find survivors. Do NOT destroy the brain. Remember, LOOK before you swing. And on the roof, keep a sharp look-out for the wild-man-looking thing Ophie and Vin saw. Oph said it didn’t move like the undead, so we may be looking at an unhinged survivor – someone who’s gone a little crazy from all the shit they’ve seen since civilization ended last week. Stay close, keep a tight formation, and watch each other’s backs. Kontan and Desp, any fucking around, I will shoot you. Saya, if you’re closer when it happens, I give you permission to stab them. [Saya examines the blade of her kitchen knife with a satisfied smile as they sulk. Apathy looks around at them all] Let’s go.

HE PUSHES THE SWING DOOR LEADING UP TO THE STAIRS OPEN AND MOVES THROUGH THE DOOR. THE OTHERS FOLLOW IN SILENCE, THEIR MOVEMENTS TENSE. THE DOOR SWINGS SHUT SILENTLY AS THE LAST OF THEM PASSES THROUGH IT, PLUNGING THE OFFICE BACK INTO BLACKNESS.

SHOT CUTS TO THE CORRIDOR, WHICH IS DINGHY AND DIMLY-LIT WITH A FLICKERING BULB. THEY MOVE QUIETLY ACROSS THE SHORT CORRIDOR AND UP THE STAIRS AT THE END. THE STAIRS ARE SLIGHTLY DARKER. JACK AND SAYA, WHO ARE BRINGING UP THE REAR, WALK SIDEWAYS TO KEEP THEIR WEAPONS POINTED BEHIND THE GROUP. AFTER CLIMBING SEVERAL FLIGHTS, THE SMALL METAL DOOR THAT WILL ADMIT THEM TO THE ROOF IS SEEN AHEAD OF THEM. APATHY POINTS SILENTLY AND THEY START TOWARDS IT, WHEN SUDDENLY A MUMBLING SOUND IS FAINTLY HEARD. THE GROUP FREEZE AS ONE, LISTENING FOR THE SOURCE, AND GRADUALLY TURN TO ONE OF THE THREE DOORS IN THE SMALL AIR-LOCK AS THE SOUND GROWS CLOSER. THE DOOR, WHICH IS ALREADY SWINGING ON ITS HINGES, FALLS OPEN FURTHER AS THE SHAPE PUSHING AGAINST IT MOVES INTO THE DOORWAY, WHERE IT STANDS SILHOUETTED, STILL MUMBLING TO ITSELF. APATHY SLOWLY LOWERS THE SHOTGUN HE WAS HOLDING RAISED IN READINESS AND SPEAKS UNCERTAINLY.

Apathy: Jilly?
__________________
All pleasure is relief from tension. - William S. Burroughs

Witches have no wit, said the magician who was weak.
Hula, hula, said the witches. - Norman Mailer
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