[Apathy's_Child]

CUT BACK TO THE STORE ROOM. THE HAND GRIPS APATHY’S TRACHEA AND LIFTS HIM OFF THE GROUND AS HE CLUTCHES FOR HIS GUN WITH ONE HAND, GASPING. A PURPLE FOOT WITH TWO LONG TOES, LIKE A GOAT, BUT WITH CLAWS COMING FROM THEM, LIKE A 2-CLAWED TIGER, REACHES UP FROM THE SHADOWS AND KICKS THE GUN FROM HIS HAND TO SEND IT CLATTERING ACROSS THE ROOM. THE CLAWED PURPLE FOOT HANGS IN THE AIR LEVEL WITH APATHY’S GROIN FOR A MOMENT AS SAYA GASPS.

Saya: NO! Not the balls, you fucking son of a BITCH!!

She runs over and leaps on the creature, disappearing into the darkness as the three of them topple through the doorway. A couple of seconds of struggling is heard as the others move forward, raising their weapons, Desp fencing toward the door foppishly.

Before they have gone far, Saya and Apathy reappear, violently hurled through the door. They skitter across the floor and roll a few times, thumping down at the feet of the advancing group. They scramble to their feet quickly and thrust out their weapons as the shot cuts back to the door.
The purple foot emerges from the darkness, and the shot pans up as the creature steps out. KAMMADINNIBOOYAH is almost ten feet tall, and in addition to the purple skin and hoof-clawed feet, has the Crow makeup tattooed all over his face, continuing down over his shoulders, and the haunches of a goat. His eyes are milky, like the zombies’, but clear and lucid.

Desp: DUDE! He’s even bigger than I remember! I think he’s grown, like, two feet!

Kontan: Yeah! We wouldn’t even come up to his nipples now! [gestures at the nipples, which are massive and pierced with little dangling ankhs]

Apathy: [shifting into a defensive stance grimly as KammadinniBOOYAH takes a step closer] Yeah, well, that’d be the portals. You fucking numptys.

Desp: Hey, don’t be looking at us! Jack’s the one who probably let him know we’re here by hurling over himself!

Jack: ME?! YOU released him! This is YOUR fucking fault! [SHOVES HIM SIDEWAYS ANGRILY, KEEPING HIS KNIFE POINTED]

KAMMADINNIBOOYAH WATCHES THEM IMPERIOUSLY FOR A FEW MOMENTS, THEN RAISES A FINGER SLOWLY TO POINT DRAMATICALLY AT JACK.

Kam: Ban… YOU!

Jack: [jumping guiltily] ME? What’d I do?

Kam: Conflict… conflict… BAN YOU! [the pointed hand is now trembling, Kam’s
eyes alight with rage]

Saya: [realizing] Dude, when you pushed Desp! Ban you… [staring at Kam, ashen-faced with shock] Oh my god. You guys… [looks around at them, eyes wide] I think… I think this is – the ADMIN.

Jack: [stares at her for a second then looks back to Kam, swallowing] So, I mean… when you say BAN me…

KAMMADINNIBOOYAH STARES AT HIM FOR A MOMENT, THEN PICKS UP A METAL CRATE BIG ENOUGH TO HOUSE AN ALSATION AND HOLDS IT OVER HIS HEAD FOR A MOMENT TO CHECK JACK IS WATCHING. THEN HE TURNS AND BATTERS IT HARD AGAINST THE WALL BEHIND HIM. THE SURVIVORS COVER THEIR EARS AGAINST THE AWFUL CLANGING AS APATHY GOES FOR HIS GUN, WHICH IS ON THE GROUND NEARBY. HE REACHES IT AS KAM TURNS BACK TO THE GROUP, HOLDING OUT THE CRATE, WHICH IS TWISTED BEYOND RECOGNITION, AND ROLLS, POINTING IT, TO STAND QUICKLY. KAM SEES THE GUN AND SWEEPS THE GROUP WITH HIS EYES, STEPPING FORWARD WHEN THEY RAISE THEIR WEAPONS.

Kam: Ban you ALL…

APATHY FIRES OFF SEVERAL SHOTS, BUT KAM CONTINUES ADVANCING.

Apathy: Shit! Nothing’s working! We’ll have to fight him hand-to-hand!

Kontan: No WAY! I ain’t fighting that thing – LOOK at it! We bail!

Apathy: What do you want me to do?! He’ll kill us anyway if we try to run – we can’t get out of this!

Sternn: [putting a finger to his lips as Kam halts suddenly, whispering] Shhh! Listen – they’re coming.

Kontan: [turning impatiently] WHO, Sternn? WHO is coming now, you fucking nut-bar? Sinn Fein? Cuchulainn? The Tea Party?

Sternn: [pointing at him wild-eyed, like a mad prophet] Mark me, they’re a’-comin’ to liberate us from our imperialist yoke!!

Kontan: [turning on him savagely] God DAMN it, Sternn, you freakin’ lunatic –

Saya: [a look of wonder dawning on her face] No – I can hear them. [as the others look at her quickly] Listen.

THEY FALL SILENT AND THE FARAWAY SOUND OF DEMENTED HILLBILLIES RAISING HELL IS HEARD – MANIC LAUGHTER, CRAZED SHOUTS AND LOUD GIBBERING WHOOPS. IT SOUNDS LIKE A SKIT FROM A WEEN ALBUM AS THE SOUND GROWS CLOSER, UNTIL THE DOOR THEY ENTERED THROUGH IS HEARD CRASHING FROM ITS HINGES, SPILLING A PANEL OF DIM LIGHT INTO THE SHADOWS. RUNNING FEET ARE SEEN SKITTERING OVER THE PATCH OF LIGHT, AND THE SOUNDS ARE INSIDE THE STORE-ROOM WITH THEM.

KAMMADINNIBOOYAH TURNS HIS ATTENTION TO THE DIM ROOM. CRATES LOOM IN THE DARK, AND A SHADOW IS SEEN MOVING BETWEEN THEM QUICKLY, GONE BEFORE IT CAN BE FULLY SEEN. SUDDENLY, A SHADOW DROPS FROM THE TOP OF A CRATE, LANDING ON ITS FEET LIKE A CAT. ANOTHER ACROSS THE ROOM DOES THE SAME AS A THIRD EMERGES FROM THE SHADOWS TO JOIN THEM. KAM STEPS OVER TO FACE THEM AS THEY STOP IN FRONT OF HIM. DUCKMAN, HELPMANN AND JUDGE STAND GRINNING. DUCKMAN MOONS, HIS ASS SHAKING OVER THE WHOOPS AND MANIC GIGGLES OF THE OTHER TWO.

Kam: [forming the words like a Neanderthal] I banned you!

Helpmann: [holding up a USB memory stick with a fiendish grin] It’s called a proxy…

Judge: [her grin just as evil]… BITCH. [dangles her own]

Apathy: [with a smirk] Hey, Judge.

Judge: What up, Apathy. Lookin’ fine.

Apathy: [shrugging – it’s true] You know me. [double-takes, frowning at her in confusion] Damn, did you get hotter?

Judge: [shrugging] It’s highly probable. My awesomeness is cumulative – unlike the rest of you mouth-breathers, I just get better and better with every second that passes.

Kam: [enraged, bellowing at the trolls in a thunderous roar] LEAVE THIS PLACE!

Duckman: [shaking head with a shit-eating grin] NUH-UH!

Kam: [howls with rage, gathering himself on his haunches to attack in a state of terrible trembling fury] I BAN YOU!

Duckman: [JUMPING QUICKLY ONTO A CRATE WITH A MANIC GIGGLE] Fuck yoo!! We do what we want! [PERCHES ATOP THE CRATE LIKE SPIDERMAN, GIVING THE FINGER EMPHATICALLY]

KAMMADINNIBOOYAH AND THE THREE TROLLS FACE EACH OTHER FOR A FEW SECONDS. THEN THEY LEAP AT ONE ANOTHER, KAM ENRAGED AND THE TROLLS SHRIEKING GLEEFULLY. THEY CLASH IN THE AIR AND EACH FIGHTS WITH ALL THEY HAVE AS THEY TUMBLE TO THE GROUND IN A VIOLENT JUMBLE OF LIMBS.