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I like it.
'three little messes
three little gross explosions'
Was 'meh' for me, seemed excessive in a tiring way, broke the rhythm I had because I tripped over the uninteresting repetition.
On the other hand. (lulz)
'a lot of pressure under one fingernail'
Broke my rhythm in a really good way, like it's flowng and suddenly the line extends into a long statement, that my mind just seemed to drawl out, but it was still so bold, almost like how Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada verbally butchers people in her bored tone.
Combined with 'piano wire?' which came out in a sing-song way in my head, a sort of jarring, jumping way of reading occurred, which really drew me into the poem.
'purpletight' and 'pop' sent chills of awesome down my spine.
I hope you're not offended by this but this is how I would have written it given the theme I got from it and basically using the vocabulary you provided.
eight fingers, two thumbs.
ten tied purpletight
yarn, ribbon-
reminders.
piano wire?
six fingers,
two popped
one thumb
seven reminders
one tiny finger
nail
piano wire?
PRESSURE
piano wire?
one reminder.
-Overall, I liked it a lot and kind of wished I had written it or written my take on it without your inspiration.
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“Lots of ways to help people. Sometimes heal patients; sometimes execute dangerous people. Either way helps.”
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