[mindless1]

After his girlfriend, Jessica, was staying for the weekend things got a bit dramatic. On a whim when they were alone, Jessica decided to ask for Ash, and to try and force out Derek's violent alter personality right before she left the house. She did this by getting him drunk and slapping him in the face repeatedly according to him...and then Derek pulled a knife on her.

Of course I had no idea because I was inside falling asleep. I was in my bed with the lights on when not Derek walked in, but ASH. He was talking then stopped, stumbled a bit and shuffled to his room. Then I heard a strange sound, like a sigh and a "uh oh, um oh no" and then his alter walked out from the room. It was his Ash, and this was very strange. I felt like I had been invited to watch an entire continent explode. I remember getting the shivers before hand, and not knowing why until I saw the change and finally understand what DID was really like.

Derek had been talking prior about starting his medication again because he hadn't seen his alter in 8 years and was worried but also tempted to bring him out. Well, not according to his alter. Because when Derek blacks out, he's asleep and his crazy split persona takes over. That's why Derek is afraid to sleep.
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Ash is a fourteen year old with no morals and who loves to inflict pain on his other half. He also enjoys seeing the suffering of others, well anything to hurt Derek. Ash said that eventually he would kill Derek, "The weak Bastard" he said, and explained more than I wanted to know...that he was actually feeding off of the third altar personality, Crimson, who was meant to soak up all the suffering.

"You see Derek's mind is split in half." Ash told me.

With curiosity getting the better of me, I got up the courage to have a conversation with his altar for awhile sitting outside at 2 am on the porch. Ash is not as evil as he seems, and yet doesn't seem to have a conscience...still he seemed to care.

Despite he says that he simply hates people, and loves to inflict pain on others. Apparently the only reason he didn't hurt me was because he sees me as an asset. He told me about Angel, Jessica's alter, and how he and Derek had both laughed at the thought that Angel was a daughter of Gaia. But Ash seemed intrigued about something, though he didn't go further into it because he was too wrapped up in his sadistic conversation.

I remember Ash coughing when he took a drag of his "first" cigarette. He told me things Derek never would dare say, then after he let the cat escape and then caught it out of respect, he went to take a shower at 3 am, and in ten minutes the real person walked out with no memory of the entire night's conversation and events. "What's up?" Derek asked me.

"Do you remember what happened?" I asked him.

"I don't remember anything since I got up to walk Jessica to her car," He said.

Together we ad helped the retired vampire move. Fenris ex communicated with his family because of their involvement with blood magic. This guy was really cool, and also told me he was the most evil person I would ever meet. Fenris had a spine problem as well as both a male and female chromosome from some weird issue at birth. He walked with a cane and looked kind of like a wizard. While the group of us sat and chatted, we found out that we were all fucked up in various ways. Our pain and strength had brought us together. This was the first time I heard Derek mention his DID, saying that he had good control over it.

It didn't really worry me until I watched Ash as he held a candle flame up to his hand as he told me he made Derek cut himself because of it hurting him, and how he "oh so loved the pain". Since Derek's alter personality was so bad, he could do anything and not give a rat's ass about it. At around 3:00 in the morning, Ash told me that Derek would want a shower when he "woke up" and so Ash walked into the bathroom and I heard the water rush over him as the cellphone blared Breaking Benjamin. As he took a shower, I walked to the gas station and got some cigarettes.

When I came back Derek was sitting on the couch playing video games indifferently, almost acting as if nothing had happened and staring blankly ahead. But he told me he didn't remember anything since he got gotten out of bed to walk Jessica out the door. He just wanted to give me some space. I gave him a doughnut and yet he hardly had explained anything. I didn't quite understand the time loss that he was experiencing, and felt very uneasy about it.

As I walked into town the next evening, the voices in my head told me I should go straight to the cops, and then a few people on a help forum responded that he was an unpredictable person who I shouldn't have living with me. When my dad found out about my roommate and his DID and also about my new cat, he said that I had to quit everything I had been doing because if it involved me it involved him. I hadn't meant to blurt it out to my dad but I had been seriously freaked out by the whole thing.

But dad over-reacted, saying he didn't want anything to do with those creepy things or creepy people and that it was involving him, and he was sick of everyone bringing their problems into his life. "You let a guy move in with you with a violent alter ego? COME ON! You're smarter than this. Send him a fruit basket but don't let him fucking live with you." as if he understood everything completely.

My parents said that Derek had to move out immediately even though he had no place to go and to tell him right then and there that he had 24 hours notice to leave. So Derek said last night when I texted him the bad news. He told me he had nobody because his girlfriend Jessica had just broken up with him, and all his friends seem to hate him now and he was better off dead.

Also, his adopted parents can't take him in, his dad just had a heart attack and his mom has cancer. The worst part is that I actually wished he would stay, that I felt more free and happy and sane than in a long time living alone in this restricted world of candid normalcy. Maybe everyone is secretly shattered, and only those who can express it get to see it restored

I wish life could be easy sometimes, for everyone. I want everyone's heart to be open to life and wonder that beautiful people didn't have to be so broken. He's still my friend and we're still living together...two broken jigsaw pieces somehow fitting into order in this sad empty universe that is breaking further apart.