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Old 12-24-2015, 08:29 AM   #8751
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Argh. I'm so sorry Fruity. *offers you Absinthe and laudanum and everything to help*

I'm annoyed because these repairs are taking so long... I don't think anybody's coming, thinking of scraping together some energy and taking the risk of DIY.
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Old 12-25-2015, 10:33 PM   #8752
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Well, my Christmas started out good, but then it all went downhill tonight when my fucking stepdad started screaming at me. My brother and I were going to do the dishes after my mom cooked dinner, but my brother kept telling me he has everything taken care of, so I got fed up and left the kitchen. As my luck would have it, our stepdad's drunk-ass self comes in my room and cusses ME out for leaving the mess, and rambles on about me and my late Christmas shopping! Then he starts to go off topic: calling me hurtful names (bitch, cunt, dyke....I cut my hair and ruined it, but I'm straight, for the record) and ramble on about other things about me that piss him off.

OK, I'm so fucking sorry I'm not the step-daughter he wants, but I'm NOT sorry for being who I am and living my life the way I fucking want to!! Yeah, he was drinking, but that's part of the problem I have with him! HE is the sole reason why I've changed my mind about wanting to stay home, BUT...I can't move into the house I've chosen to have because it still needs work done to it. I'd still be happy living at home with just my mom and our dogs. Only reason I put up with his shit in the first place is because for what ever bloody reason, he makes my mom happy.
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Old 12-26-2015, 04:10 PM   #8753
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Does he make her happy? Or is she settling for this ..
Maybe she doesn't want to be alone? ...
It's just, I can't imagine that hearing my child be degraded by verbal abuse would ever sit well with me. Does he lash out when liqoured up, or is he a daily cunt o.O
Babe, as a kid I was battered about physically, but bruises heal. What lingers is the verbal lashings, the names, the bitter tongued put downs .. all of that stayed stored up inside my head; so as an adult I always felt 'less than'. That haunted me for a long time. Those names became how I felt about myself
Everyone was better than me; I was just a piece of shit. I felt worthless ...

This 'man' .. I use the term loosely, because he's no man at all!
HE is the dysfunctional one, he is all of the names that he throws at you.
All he can do to make himself feel good inside is to belittle and degrade another.
That is a deep rooted problem in him, maybe he wasn't hugged enough as a kid, or maybe he himself was treated unkindly by a caregiver .. there may be a reason why he is the person he is, but there's zero excuse!

He has serious issues .. glaringly obvious! If your Mom is aware of this, but does nothing to prevent/change his behavioural patterns then in a way, sadly she's facilitating that ill behaviour .. so degrading, that Lady deserves SO much better than this. You do .. you simply HAVE to get out of that environment!

All of the hateful things that he spews at you .. they aren't You.
They are him. Never ever for 1 second let that man take you down inside!

I am really really sorry that this happened to you. Armour up ..
Get strong until your new place is ready. Avoid him, keep out of his way.
I'm hoping that your new home is ready really soon; as soon as it is ...
Pack your bags, don't look back <3
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Old 12-29-2015, 06:49 PM   #8754
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Saying all that shit to make himself feel good? I guess that makes sense, especially since he has issues of his own, and we can clearly see it. My mom chose him for God knows why. She hates being alone, and I wish she chose a better man, though.

Those words really hurt, and I've been trying to keep out of his way ever since that happened. I've had more than I could take of it, and I can't tell him how I felt because he won't give two shits, I know for a fact. I avoid him by locking myself in my room when he's home. He's especially worse when he drinks, and I need to learn to stay clear away from him when I see him drinking. The words he spews out at me...makes me feel like I'm nothing but a piece of dirty useless shit, and I can't stand that feeling!! Luckily, he works during the day, and I don't see him after I get off from work myself. Too bad he doesn't work during the weekends.
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Old 12-30-2015, 05:01 PM   #8755
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I wish I hadn't f**ked everything up. I'm afraid to reveal myself to you for fear of vitriol. I already feel like a creep, I don't want to be put on the spot even more.
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Old 12-30-2015, 11:28 PM   #8756
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The sad feeling I realized, after all of this time that I couldn't explain at the time was this:

After three children you fixed yourself to not have anymore, and as freaky as we were in bed it meant nothing if we couldn't have a child together. Knowing that I have no children of my own, but expecting me to simply ride along with your freakyness as a substitute for children is the reason why I walked away. Finances be damned.

No. Simply No. I cannot and refuse to do this. Find someone with children who's willing to go along with you like this. I never will.

(Sorry, a long over due rant from a few years ago)
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Old 01-03-2016, 07:18 PM   #8757
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Acharis View Post
*hospital fist bumps for Fruitbat*
Thanks beautiful.

Turns out Mr Bat has blood clots on his lungs... so he's in a program that allows him to be an inpatient at the hospital but can be at home - it's because he's not THAT sick to need a bed, but he does need to be monitored with blood tests every two days. His kidney function is playing up. One set of bloods and it's ok, the next it's showing he's in stage 5 renal failure.

One of the nurses was saying to us "Oh the doctor wants to see you" Like what is the doc going to say that we haven't already heard? His warfrin levels are good, his kidney function is fucked, and we've already had that discussion with the renal specialist.


Platina - you need to talk to your mum about that. There's no way I'd put my kid below a relationship. He's the one with the problem and as the adult, he should be the one dealing with his emotions better than blaming you, or trying to shame you.

Christ it's easier to say than do, but let those terrible names run off your back (like water off a ducks back). You have chosen your path in life, chosen the way you want to live, and whilst he may not agree with that, he should shut the fuck up (or find a better way to say it)..

Fucking hate adults who chuck tantrums.
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Old 03-04-2016, 05:24 PM   #8758
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I don't even know how to express the mood I'm in or the shit I'm dealing with. All I can say is I'm managing but fuck everything.
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Old 03-16-2016, 03:53 PM   #8759
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Best girlfriend anyone could ask for? Just the best ever? Why the hell are you dumping me? The whole "it's not you it's me" shit is so played out. Just tell me that I suck ass and why.
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Old 03-18-2016, 08:25 AM   #8760
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*hugs Ape*


*opens mouth to rant, considers energy cost, glowers and goes to bed*
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Old 04-06-2016, 12:57 PM   #8761
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ape descendant View Post
Best girlfriend anyone could ask for? Just the best ever? Why the hell are you dumping me? The whole "it's not you it's me" shit is so played out. Just tell me that I suck ass and why.
That truly sucks ass, I hope you're feeling better Ape.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Acharis View Post

*hugs Ape*

*opens mouth to rant, considers energy cost, glowers and goes to bed*
I know the feeling Acharis. Sometimes it's not worth it. Unfortunately my current financial situation is fucked and job hunting has not been a help. Since getting married and the two of us have moved in together, we've exhausted our startup cash and I've resorted to selling plasma for a whopping $50 a pop. Even then, sometimes my blood pressure is too high for them to except me that day.

Temp agencies are my only hope at this point.
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Old 04-06-2016, 11:13 PM   #8762
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*hugs* for everybody. It's rough all around, ain't it?
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Old 04-07-2016, 06:20 AM   #8763
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*hugs back*

Yeah. This year has been weird and full of major suckness that I haven't seen in almost a decade. Tapped out financially, mother had another heart attack, can't find a job since the Texas oil boom recently flat lined and the numerous other problems that are piling up every day.

At least there's my new wife and Gnet
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Old 04-07-2016, 09:54 PM   #8764
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Argh *passes out cocoa and shots*

I'm dealing with not one but two nightmare neighbours. After a lot of work the first is now somewhat at bay, but the second is just getting warmed up.

As you can imagine I'm swamped in paperwork and drained by legwork.
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Old 04-14-2016, 03:13 PM   #8765
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My mother...
In any situation, no matter what, if you do something she deems bad, you are wrong. Always. It's why my father sleeps on couch cushions in the living room. For example, she loves to watch TV at night, which also means that my father can't go to sleep because she leaves it on for hours. Rather than go downstairs to watch the other TV or use her tablet, she instead does whatever is convenient to her no matter if it bothers anyone else.

When my dad has to get ready for work in the morning, she complains that THE LIGHT FROM UNDERNEATH THE CLOSET DOOR GOES INTO HER EYES AND BOTHERS HER. If you describe a simple solution, such as wearing an eye mask so she won't notice the light, she refuses. What she wants is for you to inconvenience yourself so she can live her life with no difficulties.

If my brother wishes to grow out his beard, because, HELLO MOTHER, he is EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD, she constantly tells him that "he looks better when he shaves his face," meaning that we are supposed to comply with how she wants us to dress. It's not like she says it just once or twice: almost every time she notices either my father or my brother hasn't shaved, she complains.

She goes on and on about celebrities she likes, singing talent shows, conversations in which she looks like the good guy, etc., but if it's about what we like? No way. She will tell us to look at, say, numerous videos of some celebrity she is enamored with, but wouldn't spend more than five minutes with any of our interests.

She's beyond manipulative. In a heated conversation, she attempts to keep her cool so that no one can say she is the problem. In fact, that's exactly what she told me whenever we've dealt with drama-making people! In her eyes, acting innocent = being innocent.

Well, there's my spiel.
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Old 04-15-2016, 08:22 AM   #8766
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She sounds like a nightmare. I'm hoping you soon have a chance to get out of there and deal with her only when you choose.
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Old 07-23-2016, 02:53 PM   #8767
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(Arrives in Mercedes C300, quickly jaunts from the air conditioned car through the harsh sun and into the thankfully darkened hallways of Gothic.net, drawing closed the thick velvet burgundy drapes across windows, and then straightening up, turns and slowly enters the Great Room, with Vicodins and a large pitcher of Martinis on a silver platter, and goes around offering pain relief).

Suffering. Enduring. 'Tis this mortal life. Sorry to hear about everyone's troubles.

My rant: GAWD I FUCKING HATE JULY AND AUGUST! A goth's nemesis!
109? Seriously? Who is all for building a Queen Anne Victorian Gnet mansion in Australia for our summer getaway to more reasonable temperatures? Eh? Who's with me! Or New Zealand?

Oh, and only the Martinis OR the pain pills. Sorry but I won't permit both in one person at the same time.
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Old 09-13-2016, 09:28 AM   #8768
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Has SoCal cooled any HP? South Texas dropped in temperature but with the humidity it feels the same. ~90+95% humidity my ass.

Job report update: Stop no luck and contemplating sucking dick for cash soon. :/
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Old 09-21-2016, 11:00 AM   #8769
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*hugs all around* I hope every one's doing better. Hope the Job situation gets looking better soon BB I'll cross my fingers for ya. <3 I'd rant but it'd just be silly petty little stuff, so there's that.
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Old 09-27-2016, 02:02 PM   #8770
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Nothing wrong with the occasional rant to get things off your chest Ape *hugs back* So I have a few job interviews lined up and hoping I get one. Not what I wanted but it will have to do for now.
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Old 10-18-2016, 06:46 PM   #8771
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I think I may have election anxiety. And it's cycling into election depression.
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Old 11-09-2016, 02:43 AM   #8772
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I feel really let down right now. :'(
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Old 11-09-2016, 11:08 PM   #8773
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Deep breaths. This is really really going to suck, no lie, but we can agitate and hopefully mitigate the damage.

On the bright side, I totally forgot about the poem in my sig and it actually cheers me up a little. Well done, past me.
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Old 04-28-2020, 01:28 PM   #8774
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I just did some dishes while listening to Raven Said. I enjoyed the music, danced a bit to it, but now I'm feeling down. Prospects are bleak. There will never again be anything to look forward to. At least that's how it feels like. I'm pretty sure that's right. The plague killed my last hopes.

I'm about to go to sleep, but I wanted to write something here first, I had lots of thoughts running through my head while I was in connection with the water, but now it has all gone down the drain. Now there is nothing.

I haven't been doing anything productive lately, and it's eating me. Not that me doing anything "productive" has ever been anything more than a joke, anyway. I am garbage and everything I have ever done is garbage. I hate myself.

I wish I could do something...

Something...

Different...

Better...

Something real...

I wish I could do marketing. That's the only skill that is worth anything.

But I am not worth anything.

I wish I was special.

But I'm a creep.

I'm a weirdo.

Good night Gothic Net.

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Old 04-29-2020, 03:16 AM   #8775
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I wish I had anything to say, but I don't. Yet, I spam. And whine and spam.
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