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Old 12-28-2011, 06:50 AM   #26
Wraith235
 
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Wow. First of all, in some communities there is a nickname for what you are looking for, a "unicorn"(so named because they are very rare) or "HBB"(hot bi babe). I have known many individuals on both sides of the fence(couples and bisexual women) and have watched this search play out many, many, many times. I won't sugar coat this. What you are looking for is going to be very, very difficult to find. I can give you a few hints but I can't promise how useful they will be.

First, you want to make sure your social circles are such that you are likely to run into people with "alternative" sexualities(polyamorous, bisexual, etc.) The one that I have heard recommended is the Burning Man community but I am sure if you do a little bit of digging you can find a few more.

Second, being direct is not a good idea. The people that I have known(who are very, very few) that are able to add a third in their relationship haven't directly approached the person. As has been pointed out previously bisexual women get approached quite often by couples and those couples are rebuffed more often than not. Do not be that couple. Make it known in general what you are looking for, concentrate on becoming a part of the community, and hope.

Third, make sure that you can clearly articulate what you can offer to the woman you want to be with. Understand that if you don't want the woman to be with anyone other than your couple then you are asking for them to get into a difficult situation. Even wanting a one night stand is asking for quite a bit.

Also keep in mind that I have not even gone into the dynamics of maintaining a multiperson relationship which is even more difficult than starting one. If it sounds like I am trying to scare you off of the idea then you are reading the situation correctly.
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Old 12-28-2011, 07:17 AM   #27
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Personally I feel that threesomes are really overrated, but that's just my opinion.
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Old 12-28-2011, 07:21 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Still Jack View Post
Personally I feel that threesomes are really overrated, but that's just my opinion.
Depends on your point of view. If you look at it from an effort to reward perspective then I would definitely agree.
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Old 12-29-2011, 01:17 PM   #29
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Threesomes can be fun (the ones I've participated in were amazing and sit among some of my most cherished memories), but you have to be in a relationship where both parties are emotionally mature, honest and trusting.

Here is a question that might serve as a weather vane: Would he be cool with the other person being another guy?

Here's another: Would he be cool with you meeting with this person (man or woman) at a diner for a casual lunch some time after the event? (It doesn't matter if you weren't really planning on doing this.)

Those answers might give you an indication where his head is at.

Also, it works most of the time if both members of the couple have no emotional feelings for the third party ... it's absolutely just recreational sex with them.

There are very rare instances where there is an emotional bond between all three parties, but that is difficult to accomplish and even harder to maintain.

Good luck.
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Old 12-30-2011, 08:27 PM   #30
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Great wisdom Ben speaks, hmmm....

I'm going to side with Jill and say that yes, looks certainly matter in this situation. I had opportunities to be with some drop dead gorgeous women who took one look at my ex and said "no way!" If he had spent as much time working out as I did at the time we could've hooked up with them.

In my past relationship I was the one who suggested adding another girl. I had always wanted to, but didn't want to be used or have guys want to date me just for that. Jealousy was an issue because I maintained my body better back then and I didn't have to work hard to attract the girl I had my eye on.....most of the time. You will get shot down., sometimes. It will suck. Don't hold a grudge, just deal with it and move on like an adult.

Find out if there is a local Poly or BDSM community in your area. And for the love of whatever you hold sacred BE SAFE! Just because a wo/man can't get pregnant that's no reason not to use condoms. She or he could still have an STI. I can't stress safe sex enough!

Even though I've done it in the past, I would not recommend picking someone up from the club. Some of those people are straight up crazy. Them being kleptos and stealing your favourite shit will sometimes be the least of your problems. That is.....if you take them home. I would recommend a hotel.
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Old 12-31-2011, 05:43 AM   #31
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More wisdom ... Good answer, Wolfie.
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Old 12-31-2011, 02:30 PM   #32
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I'm going to disagree with some of Wraith's advice. Be direct and clear about your intentions, I mean don't go up to someone you don't know and just blurt out "hey, you're hot. Wanna have a threesome?" but I wouldn't really recommend having one with a complete stranger anyway so that kind of becomes a moot point. Looking online through dating sites can be a good idea but I would recommend meeting for a date to get to know each other and discus things, if you all are still on the same page then move on from there but having that one meeting specifically to talk about things really helps because being face to face really changes dynamics and interactions which makes it a lot easier than trying to figure everything out online and if you talk about things right before you plan to actual have the threesome then chances are that at least one of you is just going to be too excited/anxious/whatever to focus much on the conversation.

Personally all of my most satisfying threesomes have been with friends and none of those friendships got weird or anything afterwards (again clear and honest communication is vital) so if you have a friend who you feel comfortable with and that you think is attractive then go for it. Also you don't have to strictly look for bisexuals, I'm the first and only girl that Cindy has ever even kissed and yet we had a very, very fun time.

Oh and don't get drunk or whatever to calm your nerves, one drink is fine but don't get tipsy, let alone drunk, it almost always leads to bad decisions and carries the added risk of you not remembering much of something that may only happen once.

I'm sure I'll think of more things to add later but if you have any specific questions feel free to post them here or send a pm.
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Old 12-31-2011, 08:52 PM   #33
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Got the first one! Alright. Now to endear myself to her girlfriend.
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