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Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books.

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Old 09-06-2008, 07:49 PM   #776
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By the Hammer of Thor! This thread was buried.

I suppose I shouldn't say much because I haven't exactly been around either.

Here's a little something to get people talking anyway ...


Stage Fright

On this vast stage we humans call eternity;
one cannot help but wonder if God isn’t just muddying
the minds of His anxious audience for kicks.

The divine director Himself,
with the lofty hope to be considered avant garde,
has constructed countless props and

postulations as inexplicable
as the Aurora Borealis,
the judgment day of Atlantis,

or the raving ruminations of Foucault.
He’s gouged deliberate black holes and
scattered spotlights in the celestial

scenery, over a billion years before
the Beagle barked its first alleged blasphemy.
Mighty Providence, as humorous as Hamlet,

maddens Man with predestined plot twists
just when we think we’ve finally
figured out philosophy with the help of our iPhones.

Awestruck crowds watching this powerful play hope
against the possible revelation where
God yawns deeply, skewers the script,

and crashes down the curtain …
precluding the Final Act centuries before
mankind ever figures out what it was all about.



But we desperately pray for an encore performance.
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Old 09-06-2008, 08:17 PM   #777
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Damn! But it's good to see your posts again! And your old avatar too (although Uncle Fester suited you well).

Loved your poem. Please post more.
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Old 09-06-2008, 08:44 PM   #778
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I'm glad you remebered the old avvy. Thanks for the welcome. I had to ditch Fester because my wife tells me I'm beginning to smell like him.

Gotta keep the wife happy.
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Old 09-07-2008, 07:53 AM   #779
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..."as humorous as Hamlet,

maddens Man with predestined plot twists
just when we think we’ve finally
figured out philosophy with the help of our iPhones."

I love these lines as a commentary on society. Overall, a welcome breath of fresh air to an otherwise dying thread.
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Old 09-23-2008, 09:32 PM   #780
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All Kingdoms Fall:Last Act

The horde calls out once more,they seek his head for a trophy,
insisting it will be painless,and laughing to themselves about how easy it will be.

The King takes to his feet for what will surely be his last stand,unsheathing the same steel that so many times before,has protected his land and it's holdings.

Some say it stubborn and a narrow minded waste.

Spiteful invaders ready for his answer.

In a cracked tired voice the mad king calls for compatriots long in the grave,to be prepared to meet him with open arms and a taste of spirits.

The final battle lasted only seconds,the charge can be remembered as a good death.

A rush headlong into harms way,the horde got their trophy but lost one of their own in the fray.
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Old 09-24-2008, 03:50 AM   #781
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My Holy Radiation

Glorious arc
from whom Shadows flee
But my soul dims
and they return to me.

Entropy wins
and Darkness met
the wick has ended
Spirit spent.

Bitter ashes
all gone but embers
last fatal flare
will they remember?

Deadman: "The King" as oneself is cliche, but your fair attempt gives me reason to encourage you. Keep writing! Writing is the journey not the destination.
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Old 09-24-2008, 04:13 AM   #782
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I thought I should give an ending the the first part of the afore mentioned attempt.

And I don't view myself as the king,though I will admitt to throwing in a few aspects,but the King was meant to be an abstract character that embodied the male side of my family line.
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Old 09-27-2008, 02:08 PM   #783
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Wanting Purity
wanting Truth
investing my time
to grasp life's treasure.

But avoiding Pain
and avoiding Pressure
brings only quartz
shattered at a blow.

Little time left
at last, braving pain
I seek the greatest pressure,
but too late for Truth's diamond.
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Old 09-27-2008, 02:31 PM   #784
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Damn. I'm going to get hell for this. Oh well.
Yet we walk on

A silvery moon's shadow sits on your shouder
I reach out but fear I can not touch your hand
Then I see your face, next to mine, a smile on your lips
Two souls mourning, yet we walk on.

Smiles always find me when you're near
The binds of these bodies do not inhibit us
Together we lift up in joyous laughter
Both of us regretting, yet we soar higher.

Our past lives do not affect us here
Hand in hand we soar over the heavens
Somehow wanting to forget what we can not
We smile to each other in known forgiveness.

Tears from my eyes are falling as rain
You say it's alright but we both know it's not
Tremors running throughout your body
Shaking you laugh, bittersweetly, without humor.

Two souls mourning, one alive one dead
I will still remember, I will walk on.
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Old 09-27-2008, 06:39 PM   #785
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'Can not' should be one word.

I'm not crazy about 'bittersweetly' there has to be a better way to convey that image. Adverbs are the scourge of good poetry.

"Silvery moon's shadow". I don't know. Aside from the subtle alliteration it seems a bit cliched to me.

Take out the two "wills" in the last line, it seems more powerful that way.

I like 'Handfasted' better than 'hand in hand', but since they are different meanings, go with what you feel is more appropriate, of course.

All that being said, the subtle alliteration in the poem is rather well crafted. It could be a blank verse sonnet if you lose one of those four line stanzas, but that's just me brainstorming ... pay it no mind. The subject matter is touching and from the heart.

Overall .... I dig it.
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Old 09-27-2008, 06:58 PM   #786
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A Simple Poet
'Can not' should be one word.

I'm not crazy about 'bittersweetly' there has to be a better way to convey that image. Adverbs are the scourge of good poetry.

"Silvery moon's shadow". I don't know. Aside from the subtle alliteration it seems a bit cliched to me.

Take out the two "wills" in the last line, it seems more powerful that way.

I like 'Handfasted' better than 'hand in hand', but since they are different meanings, go with what you feel is more appropriate, of course.

All that being said, the subtle alliteration in the poem is rather well crafted. It could be a blank verse sonnet if you lose one of those four line stanzas, but that's just me brainstorming ... pay it no mind. The subject matter is touching and from the heart.

Overall .... I dig it.
Oh, I didn't see that typo on cannot(no spellcheck). Do you think "ghostly moon's shadow" would be better? And thank you for the rest of the advice. A lot of people don't like my poems, saying that they can't relate to them.
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Old 09-27-2008, 07:39 PM   #787
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Taken Back

The scent of sandalwood clings to the air and rides the wind.

The smell serves to remind of nights spent with a Wiccan bride to be.

Her hand clasped his,a light breeze causing strands of long black hair to flutter about her delicate features.

A warm embrace, concealment to a secret of which he would never know,the tears that streamed down her pale cheeks were a dead giveaway.

Many times he pleaded "what's wrong?",the answer was never yeilded.

The memory of that night in particular will haunt him the rest of his days.

The smell will always take him back.
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Old 09-27-2008, 07:49 PM   #788
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Is that just freestyle or did you have a category in mind when you wrote it?
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Old 09-27-2008, 07:54 PM   #789
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Free style (Should've worked on it more before posting)
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Old 09-28-2008, 08:05 AM   #790
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Quote:
Do you think "ghostly moon's shadow" would be better?
You're on the right track with a better word, but now "ghostly" is another adverb. Maybe just "ghost" might fit better. "The moon's ghost shadow". I don't know. It's your call. But be daring with adjectives and you'll avoid cliches a bit easier.


Quote:
And thank you for the rest of the advice. A lot of people don't like my poems, saying that they can't relate to them.
Tell them all to sot off.

Poetry is a very personal thing and peoplee can critique the language and mechanics, but anyone critiquing the marrow of a poem as slander against the life experiences that may have generated the poem's existence by the author is in my mind, an assclown.
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Old 09-28-2008, 10:27 AM   #791
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A Simple Poet




Tell them all to sot off.

I like saying shove off, but I'll try it your way next time. ^.^
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Old 09-30-2008, 07:49 PM   #792
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Rate Me!

I have a poem for you to rate on:

http://poetry.com/voteforme/poemvote1.asp?PID=1381407


This is the poem though

Absence of Faith

What do you do?
They say.

I used to dance.
I used to sing.

What make you special?
They say.

Special?
Make realistic fiction.
The kind to make you blink,
Wonder if it's real.

Women writers write crap anyway.
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Old 09-30-2008, 07:59 PM   #793
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catch
I used to dance.
You mean you stopped? You'd shirk the obligation to share your gift with the world?
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Old 10-01-2008, 03:50 AM   #794
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For a second I thought Gothicus might have posted a poem.

It seems such a phenomenon shall not occur.

Good too see you posting poetry once again, Simple Poet. I missed you.
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Old 10-01-2008, 06:04 AM   #795
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Corpsey
For a second I thought Gothicus might have posted a poem.

It seems such a phenomenon shall not occur.
Are you kidding? Narcissistic me sharing a thread with other people when I could make my own?
I might post a new one soon. You can go read my old ones in my posted threads in the meantime-- read them backwards, it'll be like they're new.
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Old 10-02-2008, 04:43 PM   #796
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Defeat The Worm!
and burn...
to ash.
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Old 10-05-2008, 05:39 PM   #797
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There is a bird
He sits upon my shoulder and sings
Because he is a bird
And it makes him happy
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We each are our own prisons
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We are the prisoners of our own underestimations
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Old 10-05-2008, 10:18 PM   #798
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Dunno how my poetry is going to be looked at here. I'll post one for now anyway.

This is one of my oldest; I wrote it years ago. So it might seem pretty lame.

What is pain?
It is but a feeling
It can be mastered
Locked away
Hidden
Such is anger
Hatred
To burst forth from the dams of time
When threads of patience weaken
Fail
It pours out, oblivious
Aided by beautiful, tormented screams
Then you are………
Reborn.
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Old 10-05-2008, 11:53 PM   #799
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus
You mean you stopped? You'd shirk the obligation to share your gift with the world?
Yes, because sometimes a person needs faith in something or themselves to keep going.
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Old 10-06-2008, 02:50 PM   #800
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I have now put one of my own poems in a video.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...80717101&hl=en
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