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Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books.

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Old 02-25-2011, 06:20 AM   #276
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Hahahaha, this just keeps getting better and better. It's ridiculously good man
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Old 03-24-2011, 11:18 PM   #277
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I just stumbled across this and read it from the beginning straight through.

This is utterly priceless. At times I was laughing so hard it scared my dog!
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Old 03-25-2011, 09:08 AM   #278
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Thanks man, I appreciate that. I really will finish this someday soon - it was really fun to write. I might need to change the ending though, as I drunkenly disclosed it to somebody a while back. I want ALL minds blown.
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Old 05-03-2011, 02:37 PM   #279
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CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE WHERE THE GROUP ENCOUNTERED HONEYTHORN & SOLUMINA. DUCKMAN, HELPMANN & JUDGE ARE STILL STREAMING OVER THE ADMIN, PULLING EARS AND TWEAKING NIPPLES BEFORE BEING THROWN OFF TO JUMP BACK ON, CLINGING, TWEAKING & PULLING ALL OVER AGAIN. THE STAIRWELL DOOR BURSTS OPEN AND THE GROUP BUST IN LIKE AN EXTREMELY POOR MAN’S A-TEAM, KONTAN LEADING THE RAG-TAG CHARGE.

Kontan: … waaaaaatchin’ us aaaall in the eeeeeeye… of the TIGER!!

THE ADMIN AND THE TROLLS PAUSE AND FOUR SETS OF EYES TURN TO THE SURVIVORS AS KONTAN DRAGS SAYA INTO A VIOLENT SLAM DANCE, STILL SHOUTING THE RIFF; SAYA TAKES UP THE CHALLENGE ENTHUSIASTICALLY AND THE TWO BEAT EACH OTHER’S ASSES SAVAGELY AROUND THE ROOM, HOWLING THE WORDS LIKE A CRAZED MURDER THREAT. KAM & THE TROLLS WATCH THEM FOR A NONPLUSSED SECOND, THEN SHRUG AS ONE AND RETURN TO THE FIGHT. THEIR GIBBERING HILLBILLY WHOOPS AND KAM’S ROARS FILL THE ROOM. KONTAN TURNS TO THE GROUP WITH BERSERK GLEE IN HIS EYES AND THE FIRST STIRRINGS OF MADFACE ABOUT THE BROW.

Kontan: Listen up! Don’t you hear my bro? [cups a hand behind his ear solemnly] He calls to us! Hear him! “AVENGE ME, BUTCHEZZ! BE MY PIMP HAND!! [slaps Saya upside the head, diving away as she karate chops back at him] Come, men and gashes all!” [dives into the tumbling mess of limbs with a joyful war-cry.

Apathy stares after him nonplussed for a second, then turns back to the group]

Apathy: Okay – we need to help hold the admin off. [looks around at them] Just pile on, and try to hold out until Jilly dies. Let’s hope Desp gets it done fast - Mir said we have to kill KammadinniBOOYAH before he gets the chance to open another portal.

Saya: How will we know when it’s done?

Apathy: [impatiently] Saya, there’s always a flash of light or some cool visual effect when the monsters’ power source dies. Didn’t you ever watch a shitty movie on late-night cable?

Saya: [shrugging] All RIGHT. Just askin’. [muttering under her breath] I mean, it’s not like you’re making this shit up as you go along, and anything could HAPPEN to my character…

Apathy: Look, three will die, okay? I TOLD you that like five pages ago. And besides, I drunk-PMed you an idea for the final scene weeks ago.

Saya: Well, if you could just provide me with some GUARANTEE that I will end fabulously…

Apathy: [with impatient earnestness] I can’t do that. I’m an artist. There’s a process. Really [with a self-consciously modest laugh], I’m just a fledgling here. I’m by no means comparable in talent, eminence, and general greatness as, say, Ezra Pound or Frank O’Hara. Although my old Russian lit college teacher did compare one poem of mine to Pound’s small masterpiece, “Garden”… I had several wanks over that one. I really nailed that acidic blend of the democratic and the visceral, animal hostility of poor urban spaces. But it’s really not hard, that shit – it’s just that, as Pound once said, “Technique is the mark of a man’s sincerity” – [yelps as Saya pokes him hard in the ribs and Ophie, looking bored, flicks his ear hard at the same time]

Saya: Apathy, for the love of fuckin’ god, FOCUS!

Apathy: Oh… right. [frowns for a second, then remembers where he was as Kam lets out a howl from the pain of Duckman straining back pulling his ballsack tight as Judge and Kontan strum guitar riffs on it, shrieking along dementedly to OPP, as he lurches around behind them. Apathy snaps back into tense, manly mode, his graceful physique shown to its best advantage as he straightens to his considerable full height, raising his weapon] So… yeah. Contain his ass. When the cool flash of light happens, we get with the hacking. Then we all go home and fuck each other. Deal? [the girls look at each other and shrug their compliance. The 3 of them dive into the jumble of limbs]
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Old 05-29-2011, 09:24 AM   #280
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BUMP. [10char...]
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Old 08-18-2011, 10:37 PM   #281
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0_o Dude...what the fucking holy hell is this shit?

It's as though some cocksucker just unplugged my goddamn television just when the getting was getting good....summabitch.

ok...i'm ok. i had a smoke break...

A_C, i'm not sure if you posted a poem once or PM'd it to me but i was blown away by it...like seriously. THIS, although doesn't compare to that one poem, was a blast to read and quite possibly the best thing i've read on GNet...ever.

Nice job man (finish it goddamnit).

To be fair...some of us "old timers" didn't go away...had Kam not gotten to "us" we'd never have left.

Also, AlbertfuckingMonde IS insane and you should see some of his stuff on deviantart...something is wrong with that cat.

The Judge...i wouldn't call her a troll...just simply awesome.

Helpmann's Withnail and I partner in crime, EclipsingTheSon could have taken Judge's spot as a troll.and she could have been written in some badass way. But definitely still be one of the crew to hold off Kam.

All in all brilliantly written, man. Thanks for the laughs.
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Old 08-23-2011, 01:55 AM   #282
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Thanks Tek, that's some nice shit you just said. For real. I got all mushy & everything (although that's prolly just my IBS and all). I don't remember what poem I drunk-PM'd you back in the day, but I'm glad you liked it.

Honestly, I probably won't end up finishing this - a lot of it revolved around stuff that was going on in the forums at the time, and things like the Kontan/Saya love story and the Kontan/Desp homoerotic buddybonding session have now become irrelevant. I might start a new one though, if another idea grabs me. And if I did another, I would definitely keep that shit shorter - like finish inside a week shorter.

Also, I will fight anyone who says Judge was not a troll. She would've wanted it that way.
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Old 12-30-2011, 10:13 PM   #283
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I just re-read this!, once again it made me laugh!
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Old 12-31-2011, 04:36 AM   #284
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It sucks that this never got finished. Especially since it was supposed to end inside Saya's vagina.
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Old 01-01-2012, 03:11 AM   #285
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*ahem* I could have a crack at it if nobody else is going to.

I don't want to be taking it away from any previous intended direction, but can do a stopgap scene of holding the admin off until the main characters come bursting back triumphantly.

But like I said, don't wanna jack it.
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Old 01-01-2012, 03:48 AM   #286
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Then don't.
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Old 01-01-2012, 01:33 PM   #287
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I dunno - I'd like to see more fanfic. Let's face it, collective narcissism means that it's the most interesting writing on here. And I don't think Apathy'd mind; it's not like he was planning on finishing anyway.
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Old 01-04-2012, 07:20 AM   #288
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Acharis View Post
*ahem* I could have a crack at it if nobody else is going to.

I don't want to be taking it away from any previous intended direction, but can do a stopgap scene of holding the admin off until the main characters come bursting back triumphantly.

But like I said, don't wanna jack it.
Feel free - Cuckoo's right. It's not like I was in any danger of finishing. If you want, I can give you the storyline I had plotted out back when (including provisional 'credits roll' scene). Or if you'd rather just do your own thing and bring in some current posters, go ahead... not that these fuckers ever do anything interesting anymore.

Seriously though, I'm glad you liked it enough to want to finish it. That's actually sort of nice.
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Old 01-04-2012, 04:47 PM   #289
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Why don't you love us anymore, Apathy?
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Old 01-05-2012, 12:09 AM   #290
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It's not that I don't love you anymore, angel-puss. It's just that... well... nothing's really been happening round here of late. Trolls are thin on the ground and pretty sub-par, and a lot of the more potent personalities rarely post anymore. There are like 3 people left that I'd know how to parody.

Plus I got my shit together and got a Real Job. So Gnet fanfic would now have to be done on my own time, which is currently reserved for getting fall-down drunk and yelling, "Why did she leave us, Sax? WHY?!?!" at my dog, while he looks up all "Dude, I dunno what you're talking about, but hi! I love you!"

Dogs fucking own.
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Old 01-05-2012, 04:14 AM   #291
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Parody ME mother fucker. I deserve some straight up sweet tits sugar lovin'.
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Old 01-05-2012, 05:35 AM   #292
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I volunteer my ass for a cheery pounding.

See, there's still some life in the ol' gal.
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Old 01-05-2012, 09:37 AM   #293
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LOL. You're a trooper, sir.

MC: we should really get back to ruling at porn some time. You've been well and truly typecast - irreplaceable is un-promotable, y'know ;p
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Old 01-05-2012, 11:29 AM   #294
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I'm too damn good for my own good. Oh the pain.
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Old 01-05-2012, 01:12 PM   #295
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Hold up - some of this is missing. I'm CERTAIN I remember a scene in a warehouse, and one with Kontan and Despanan wearing Xmas hats.
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Old 01-12-2012, 04:58 AM   #296
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child View Post
Feel free - Cuckoo's right. It's not like I was in any danger of finishing. If you want, I can give you the storyline I had plotted out back when (including provisional 'credits roll' scene). Or if you'd rather just do your own thing and bring in some current posters, go ahead... not that these fuckers ever do anything interesting anymore.

Seriously though, I'm glad you liked it enough to want to finish it. That's actually sort of nice.
Awesome. You can PM me an outline just so I don't accidentally close off a direction, and I'll see if I can come up with something entertaining some time
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Old 01-19-2012, 06:17 AM   #297
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I can't PM you as you don't have enough posts, but there's pretty much a synopsis of the rest in this thread. If you want more details or to ask anything, drop your email on my visitor messages.

Of course if you'd rather just do your own thing with it and bring in some current posters rather than sticking with the old-timers' theme, feel free.
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Old 01-29-2012, 09:01 AM   #298
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Gotcha! I'll up my post count and try to think of something entertaining... hopefully also blasphemous, pornographic, scatological or violent, but that's already implied.

This is all I got for now. Feel free to top from the bottom people, feedback helps me hit the sweet spot.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child View Post
Apathy: Okay – we need to help hold the admin off. [looks around at them] Just pile on, and try to hold out until Jilly dies. Let’s hope Desp gets it done fast - Mir said we have to kill KammadinniBOOYAH before he gets the chance to open another portal.

Saya: How will we know when it’s done?

/snip

Saya: Apathy, for the love of fuckin’ god, FOCUS!

Apathy: Oh… right. [frowns for a second, then remembers where he was as Kam lets out a howl from the pain of Duckman straining back pulling his ballsack tight as Judge and Kontan strum guitar riffs on it, shrieking along dementedly to OPP, as he lurches around behind them. Apathy snaps back into tense, manly mode, his graceful physique shown to its best advantage as he straightens to his considerable full height, raising his weapon] So… yeah. Contain his ass. When the cool flash of light happens, we get with the hacking. Then we all go home and fuck each other. Deal? [the girls look at each other and shrug their compliance. The 3 of them dive into the jumble of limbs]

A SCRUFFY, BONY AND ANDROGYNOUS FIGURE STRIDES IN OUT OF NOWHERE, APING APATHY'S MANLY STRUT.

ACHARIS: You heard the man! Contain his ass.

ALL: Who are you? Get the fuck out noob, we didn't order pizza.

ACHARIS STRAPS ON A LARGE SILICONE DILDO AND WITH AN UNHEALTHY AMOUNT OF ENJOYMENT DICKSLAPS THE MORE VOCAL CHARACTERS INTO SUBMISSION.

ACHARIS: I am Apathy's bitch, enforcing his orders and driving this mission while he attends to important matters! Now get to it wenches, or you're all being hogtied and thrown helpless into the Porn Thread - with Sir Corpsey. ...Gaaah - !

ACHARIS' APPENDAGE JERKS IN ALARM.

SINCE JUDGE AND HELPMAN ARE ABSENT FROM THE BOARDS AND DUCKY IS DISTRACTED BY TITTIES, THE ADMIN IS DRAGGING HIS SPRAINED BLUEWAFFLED BALLSACK TOWARDS THE SURVIVORS ONCE MORE.

THIS IS UP TO THE NEW BLOOD! (– EXCEPT FOR A FEW OF THE OLD GUARD WHO ARE KNOWN OR PARTICULARLY CARICATURIZABLE.)
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Old 01-29-2012, 10:16 AM   #299
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My only request is that my final scene involves fucking Judge until she's made of post-sex glow and the PVC melts and merges with her flesh like a second skin. If nothing else, I guess that'd leave it open for her to show up in Saya's spin-off movie.
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Old 01-30-2012, 07:35 PM   #300
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...This just feels wrong. I don't like it anymore.
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