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Old 04-28-2012, 05:22 AM   #26
Apathy's_Child
 
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No fair! If Cuckoo gets to be a dude, then I want to wear a dress. A purty one.
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Old 04-28-2012, 06:59 AM   #27
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I've got a cute little polka dot dress that I think we could fit you into, it twirls really nicely when you spin around
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Old 04-28-2012, 07:52 AM   #28
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Ape: "You know, Batty, I've got something for us." *sly grin*
FB: "Oh really? What might that be?"
Ape: "Close your eyes, I'll be right back with it."
*camera blacks out* *scraping and popping sounds*
Ape: "OK, Batty, open your eyes, you smexy mammal!"
*camera unblacks out to show Ape in a tank top and trunks sitting on the side of a rather large kiddie pool filled with super yummy, buttery popcorn*
Ape: *pats the side of the tub* "It's super warm in here, care to join me?"
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Old 04-29-2012, 05:42 AM   #29
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FB: Hell yes! (leaps into the kiddie pool, disappears under the popcorn for a moment before coming up next to Ape). WHISPER TO EACH OTHER, GIGGLING ET AL.

JACK STROLLS UP, SCREWED UP FACE.
Jack: The two of you should get a room.
Ape: We had one last night, with Cuckoo. FLIRTY SMILE
Jack: That's way too much information.
Ape: Actually, that's the innocent part of the night. It went downhill from there.
Jack:[suddenly curious] Really?
FB: Let's just say that it involved an adult shop, and a biggest prick competition.

FROM INSIDE THE STORE THERE IS A SCREAM OF "WHAT THE FUCK?" AND VERSUS COMES RUNNING OUT.
Versus: Holy shit! Did you know Cuckoo was a girl? I'm manly dude but that's just wrong, even I'm not going to take that up the ass.

CUCKOO APPEARS WAVING A STRAPON IN THE AIR.
CT: Come on Versus, it was just a little bit of fun.
Ape: Ten inches of fun. [giggles with FB]

JIN WALKS DOWN THE ROAD WAVING HER STRAPON.
Jin: Got one. Had to wear out three pairs of vegan shoes but I found one I liked in the right colour.
Jack: Well I'm in if no one else is.
[JACK AND JIN DISAPPEAR INSIDE THE MATTRESS SHOP]

Ape: [slinging her arm around FB's shoulders] now where were we?

???: SAX! Come here boy! Sax!

APE AND FB TURN TO SEE A GIRL WEARING A MICRO MINI, SIX INCH PLATFORM STRIPPER HEELS AND A TIGHT SEQUINNED TOP.

FB: Wow, she's a real looker. Is that another G.netter?
Ape: [squinting] Fuck me.
FB: Well I've been trying to do that for awhile now Ape.
Ape: No, stop being stupid, that's.... I don't believe it.

???: Sax! Hey have you seen Sax? [calls out to ape and FB]

Ape: No, but I love your outfit.
???: Huh? What are you talking about Ape?
FB: [jealous] So how do you know her?
???: Huh?

Ape: [laughing] Her? That's Apathy.
FB: WHAT THE FUCK?
Apathy/???: WHAT THE FUCK?

Ape: Is there an echo on this street?

APATHY LOOKS DOWN AND GASPS, FACEPALMING HIS FOREHEAD.
Apathy: Today's tuesday right?
Ape: Nup, it's Saturday.
Apathy: Fuck!
FB: Huh?
Apathy: The last thing I remember was taking a drink of whisky, then i felt a little off so I went to sleep on the couch. When I woke up, I was in my bed...
Ape: Maybe you walked in your sleep? Lots of people do, some even cook meals or get dressed-

Apathy: [offended] so you think I dress like this all the time?
FB: Why not, you've got the legs for it.
Ape: You're not helping FB. So how did you end up wearing this little hot pink number?
Apathy: I have no idea.
FB: I do, but I'm not helping.
Ape: Tell us. Apathy has a right to know how he ended up dressed like a drag queen.

FB: [sighs heavily] well isn't it obvious? Sax had enough of Apathy's apathy and decided to get him out of his disney channel mood by giving him a makeover.

Ape: And where did a dog get the idea to make Apathy over with a new dress and hairdo.

FB: [looks guilty] Well I, um, well, I may have mentioned it in passing, um, to him, to Sax, that when I feel like I need a lift I'll dye my hair and get a new dress.

Apathy: [pissed and sounding a little bitchy] I cannot believe that Sax chose pink. God, doesn't he know my colour is fire engine red. I guess I'm just going to have to make this work.

FB: You should go inside. There's a g.netters orgy happening. I think the only thing missing is a drag queen. [giggles]

Apathy:[hopeful] Is MissC in there?

FB: Yeah and she's looking smoking hot in her leather outfit.... but you can't have her because this is the Gay. Porn. Thread. [turns to ape] Although how does that work with drag queens? [turns back to apathy] I always knew you're legs would look fabulous waxed and in a miniskirt.

Apathy: [abesentmindledly] thanks batty, um, I think.

FB: Oh it was a compliment. Don't worry, I'm not interested in shagging anyone. This is my last hurrarh before I go and join the convent. Ape wanted me to go out in style, so this is it.

Apathy: [confused] So why you and Ape are sitting on the sidewalk, in a kiddie pool filled with buttery popcorn instead of inside fucking?

FB: [blushes] Because I'm not into that sort of thing, although I'm kinky as all fuck, I'll just never admit it. I, well, I just have this thing for Ape, popcorn, kiddie pools and.. oh god, I'm so embarrased to even say this, but vanilla yoghurt.

Ape: [winks at FB] I've got three tubs of yoghurt, a zodiac and handcuffs waiting back at the hotel room.

Apathy: A zodiac? Aren't they inflatable boats?

FB: [bright red] Oh now I feel like a total slut.

Apathy: You.... you're going to have sex with a rubber boat?

FB: [offended] oh my god, how stupid do you think I am? Of course not. I'm going to handcuff Ryan Reynolds to the zodiac on the bed in the hotel room, then smear yoghurt all over his body and lick it off. Shit Apathy, I'm not that sick!

APE PATS FB ON THE SHOULDER. : Calm down dearest. It's okay. Apathy just doesn't understand your.... um... ways sweetie... but we can't discuss it anymore, this thread isn't about you, it's about gay porn.

FB: But everything is about me! [shoves another handful of popcorn into her mouth.]

Ape: Fuck fruity, you are a sarcastic bitch sometimes.

FB: No really?

APE SHOVES A HANDFUL OF POPCORN INTO FRUITBAT'S MOUTH. FRUITBAT GRABS APE'S HAND AND LICKS HER FINGERS BUT STOPS MISBEHAVING TO WATCH APATHY SASHAY INTO THE STORE.

Fruitbat: Man, how can he walk in those shoes?

Ape: Beats me.
Fruitbat: Can I?
Ape: Later, honey, when you've finished with Ryan. Remember this isn't about you.
Fruitbat: [SIGHS] I know but everytime I take myself out of this thread someone else drags me back in... I'm going for a swim in the popcorn.
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Old 05-10-2012, 04:58 PM   #30
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INSIDE THE STORE JIN IS HAVING HER WAY WITH JACK, KK HAS JOINED IN WITH SAYA AND MISSC, SHOUTING ABOUT HIS MANPUSSY, WHILE APATHY IS ACTUALLY SHOPPING FOR MATTRESSES.

OUTSIDE SINJOB AND TWITCH ARE CHARGING $20 FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF VIEWING PLEASURE BEFORE THEY MANHANDLE THE PEOPLE OFF THE VIEWING PLATFORM.

APE IS READING ARTISTS WEEKLY AND FRUITBAT IS READING NUN'S HABITS MAGAZINE.

BEN AND HP WALK UP AND DISCRETELY ENTER THE SHOP, WITH VERSUS FOLLOWING CLOSELY BEHIND THEM.

Ape: Knew he couldn't stay away?
FB: Hey Who?
Ape: Versus.

VERSUS GOES TO JOIN KK, SAYA AND MISSC. DESP ARRIVES, BURSTING THROUGH THE DOORS:

Desp:[crying] KK, you cheating bastard! [sobering up] Oh can I join in?
KK: [sultry, puffing] Sure sweetie.

FB PUTS DOWN HER MAGAZINE FOR A MOMENT TO WATCH THE HYSTERICS IN THE SHOP, DIGS AROUND IN HER POCKET FOR TEN DOLLARS AND HANDS IT TO APE.

FB: Fuck you were right, Desp always seems to know where KK is, like some crazy stalker.

SINJOB COUNTING HIS MONEY, LETS OUT A YELP.

SJ: Got enough to clear my debts.
Twitch: Got enough to get wasted.

MISSC LEAPS ONTOP OF APATHY WHO IS BRAVELY TESTING OUT A MATTRESS.

MissC: [yelling] I love pink wearing bimbos!
Apathy: [confused] Hey what? [suddenly realises it's missC, girly voice] Oh yes, I'm the biggest bimbo here.
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Old 05-11-2012, 10:43 AM   #31
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And then Jack totally got to fuck with Versus.
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Old 05-11-2012, 10:58 AM   #32
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Power fucks all round!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 05-12-2012, 05:11 AM   #33
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Jin staggers out of the shop.
Jin: Man it's hard work being the man sometimes.
Ape: Wow Jin what happened to you?

Jin: Well after I took care of Jack, he went after Versus and here I was thinking I'd finally get lucky with him [sighs heavily]

Ape: It's okay dear. You better get back in there. Oh and you better take this [Ape hands Jin a large vat of personal lubricant] Miss C is going to need it.

JIN WIPES THE SWEAT FROM HER BROW, HAULING THE TROLLEY OF LUBRICANT BACK INTO THE SHOP. SINJOB RAISES HIS EYEBROW AND FOLLOWS.
Twitch: Hey where you going? This is the gay porn thread, not the hetro stuff.

SINJOB WALKS OUT.
SJ: Oh fuck man, you're right.

BUT THE REALISATION DOESN'T STOP HIM FROM WATCHING KK AND DESP GETTING DOWN AND DIRTY ON THE MATTRESS IN A KARMA SUTRA POSE. TWITCH AND SINJOB BOTH TWIST THEIR HEADS TO WORK IT OUT.

Ape: So Batty, is this the going away party you thought you always wanted?
FB: [sighing] I thought you were going to invite Ren along as well?
Ape: Patience my dearest. He'll be here. Soon.

INSIDE APATHY IS NOT FIGHTING MISSC'S ADVANCES, AND SHE'S LOOKING FRUSTRATED.

MISSC: You can at least pretend you don't want this, 9 incher in you Apathy.
APATHY: [crying] Everyone else has fucked me over, you may as well do it too.

MISSC LOOKS AROUND AND SHRUGS: Okay.

Jack: Versus, be my little bitch.
Versus: Only if you dress up like a nurse.
Jack: [confused] how the fuck will that work?

DESP IS STANDING, HOLDING ONTO KK'S LEGS, WHILE KK DOES A HAND STAND IN FRONT OF HIM.

KK: Fuck K babes, I think we are doing this the wrong way around?
Desp: But I'm tired of being on the bottom. I want to be on the top.
KK: Well this way we are equal.
Desp: But this way makes no sense.
KK: I am the master of love making. It will all make sense soon.

SAYA IS SMOKING A CIGERETTE WHILE RELAXING FOR A MOMENT. TIMELESS IS CURLED UP NEXT TO HER WITH A DREAMY LOOK ON HIS FACE.

Timeless: If only this wasn't the gay porn thread...
Saya: I know... I know...


OUTSIDE THE CROWD HAS SPILLED ONTO THE ROAD, BLOCKING TRAFFIC. SINJOB AND TWITCH HAVE THEIR HANDS FULL COLLECTING MONEY, WHICH IS NOW BEING STORED IN THE KIDDIE POOL WITH APE AND FRUITBAT, SINCE NO ONE WANTS TO GO ANYWHERE NEAR EITHER OF THEM.

REN AND ALAN WANDER UP, HOLDING HANDS AND HEAD INSIDE.

FB: I'm not sure there are enough mattresses.
Ape: There's floor space.
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Old 05-13-2012, 10:51 PM   #34
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REN WALKS BACK OUT AND STANDS, HANDS IN POCKETS NEXT TO THE KIDDIE POOL.

Ren: Hey Fruit and Ape, what's up?
Ape: Popcorn!
FB: Come on in Ren, the popcorns getting soggy.

REN KICKS OFF HIS SHOES AND SLIDES INTO THE KIDDIE POOL. APE HANDS HIM A MAGAZINE TO READ.

Ren: So you guys aren't in there?
Ape: Our love does not need to be demonstrated. BATS HER EYELASHES AT FB
FB: Indeed. Plus to be honest it's much more fun to watch Apathy running around the store on his stripper heels and MissC chasing him, don't you think?

REN LOOKS IN THROUGH THE WINDOW. THERE IS APATHY, RUNNING AWAY FROM MISSC. THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN THROUGH THE GLASS AND....

MissC: Oh come on Apathy, you said I could.
Apathy: It was a joke. God I was only testing that mattress... You can't even lay down around here without someone jumping on you.
MissC: But I dressed in my sexy Catwoman all leather out fit for you. [purrs and meows.]

APATHY STOPS RUNNING AND MISSC BUMPS INTO HIM, THEY LOSE THEIR BALANCE AND FALL INTO A PILE OF ARMS AND LEGS.

CAMERA ZOOMS OUT BACK TO THE STREET AGAIN.

FB: see that was fun.
Ape: We don't have a camera.
FB: [shrugs] you look delicious at the moment.

Ren: Okay, that's just weird. I'm getting out of here now.

Ape&Fruit: Stay Ren. Pleeeeasssseee.

Ren: [ reluctantly] okay, but only because it's your going away bash fruity and I'm too nice to say I wouldn't come along and help celebrate your last day of freedom before you join the cloistered nuns of St Fartymebottomstinks.

FB: Thanks Ren. You are awesome.

Ape: Oh look at Jack go on Versus ass.
FB: i'd rather not.
Ape: in... out...scream.. in.
FRUITBAT PUTS HER FINGERS IN HER EARS.
FB: not listening [yell]
Ape:[whispering to ren} see now that's how you get some peace and quiet from batty. So what were you doing in there?

Ren: Alan felt too awwkward to go in on his own, so I went in with him. But he's now with KK and Desp and they are debating karma sutra poses.

Ape: It's a good thing you are out here with us. Hope you didn't see too much of timeless when you were in there?

Ren: I kept my eyes on the carpet.

Ape: Good to hear. Now here read Time magazine. It has a great article on the US economy.
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