is it just me or are things getting worse as the days pass - Page 2

DarkHeartedDemoness · 10-19-2006, 06:32 AM

Just a quick note:

to the original poster of this thread, I have only this to say-- get the fuck over it. Put on your big girl panties, take control of your own fucking life, and get past it. If you can't do that, you're pretty much fucked.

to reversed poem: You, sir/ma'am, are a jackass. "Not that hard"? Have you ever sat there with a gun in your mouth, thinking, "God, if I just do this, it'll all be over. If I just pull the fucking trigger, maybe everything will finally be ok"? Let me tell you, it's fucking hard. And it's completely uncalled for, because guess what? Even if you do it, if you escape, everything is not going to be ok. Those few people you ever felt anything for will be completely fucking shattered. Anyone you have ever loved will be gone; or more accurately, you will be the one that is gone, and you will never fucking see them again.

Suicide is not fucking ok. It's taken me years, I've been in and out of therapy (and this summer, I was inpatient at the hospital), but I finally understand that.

NothinI'vBecom · 10-22-2006, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkHeartedDemoness

Just a quick note:
(...)Suicide is not fucking ok. It's taken me years, I've been in and out of therapy (and this summer, I was inpatient at the hospital), but I finally understand that.

^ You are amazing. Going through all of that, and now understanding... amazing. God, Oprah, who the fuck, bless you!

And for whoever did start this thread...

atleast you'v got something to be depressed about. you know how it feels like hate yourself, hate everything and having to live with the guilt of not having any reason 2? My parents are rich, they love me, I'm smart, I'm lucky... so why do I feel this way? And why do I feel guilty about doing?

DarkHeartedDemoness · 10-22-2006, 12:05 PM

Hun, I'm rich, intelligent, my parents never hit me or abused me in any other way, I have an amazingly supportive boyfriend, I get along ridiculously well with my siblings... It's a chemical thing. You have a chemical imbalance in your brain, likely aggravated by hormones (my depression really started hitting me hard when I first hit puberty). You need help. There are many ways to deal with depression, medically, emotionally, and homeopathically. Have you tried anything yet? You said your parents love you... Have you talked to them about how you're feeling?

bleedingheart344 · 10-22-2006, 12:23 PM

Looking at this thread, two things must be said. Reversed poem, you're a dumbass, and the bloodflowers, I have felt the same way as you have before, but you have to realize that everyone has to go through struggle to see the good in life. The best thing to do is to go through that struggle with the mentality that it will make you stronger after it. Never commit suicide, it is not the way to solve your problems. If you truly face the hardships you mentioned, use them to make you a stronger person, rather than let them weaken you inside. And, not to be a dick, but this is life, shit happens, you make it through shit, things are calm for a while. I hope my advice helps, and I want to note that I strongly agree with Jillian's posts, and everyone, no offense, but this is the whining forum, people do need to let off some steam.

bleedingheart344 · 10-22-2006, 12:34 PM

As for suicide, I have attempted it once, I almost died, I almost bled to death. Looking back, it was the dumbest decision I've made in my life. As some people know, I have been through shit too. And please note that I am not looking for pity, I am creating an example. But, at 11 years old, I had met my grandmother for the first time, she was so nice, she was the greatest person ever. While I was there, I found out she had cancer. I was crushed, I loved her so much. So, after the visit, I was still trying to recouperate from the terrible news, when we get into a car accident. I saw someone get ejected from the other car and slam against the guard rail. Killed instantly. I was shocked, I didn't know what to think. So, that got me sad for a while, which led to being depressed, I was recommended for meds, just to set it straight that I don't use the term 'depressed' lightly. Then, a few months later, I find out that another family member was shot in the head by her room mate. Then, a few years later, at 13, I was still in a state of depression from all of this, I find out that my half sister's mother had gotten in a motorcycle accident, hit and run, drunk driver, she was ejected and hit a tree head-on.
After this, I had planned on suicide again, three days before I tried to do it, I started dating my current girlfriend Heather. I thank her for helping me through all of the depression, suicide attempts, cutting addiction, and self starvation that I've been through to create the person I am today. Thanks to her, I am now a happy person, and I have a fairly positive outlook on life.
Sorry for the double post, it would not let me edit my previous one.

DarkHeartedDemoness · 10-22-2006, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bleedingheart344

everyone, no offense, but this is the whining forum, people do need to let off some steam.

Absolutely, but the best advice I can give anyone is to learn from their life's experiences and to allow their hardships to make them stronger.

bleedingheart344 · 10-22-2006, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkHeartedDemoness

Absolutely, but the best advice I can give anyone is to learn from their life's experiences and to allow their hardships to make them stronger.

I completely agree. You had some fine points yourself, and I am sorry for your mentioned struggles.

DarkHeartedDemoness · 10-22-2006, 01:21 PM

Don't be sorry-- they've only made me stronger, and put me in a position where I am able to give advice to people who have struggled/are struggling with things similar to what I've experienced.

bleedingheart344 · 10-22-2006, 02:00 PM

Well said, that is why I mention my experiences on here, to set an example for people.

DarkHeartedDemoness · 10-22-2006, 02:02 PM

Not quite what I meant... but I don't need to argue semantics.

NothinI'vBecom · 10-23-2006, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkHeartedDemoness

You need help. There are many ways to deal with depression, medically, emotionally, and homeopathically. Have you tried anything yet? You said your parents love you... Have you talked to them about how you're feeling?

No, I haven't tried anything. I know all teens get dark and blue sometimes. I just hope I'm in this phase and I'll get over it. I have never thought about killing myself. OK I have, but never actually tried. I have cut myself before, on my arms just enough to bleed. To show me I'm alive. Everything is just such a routine and such a bore. There must be more!

My parents love me, yeah. So they want what's good for me. Medication? I don't think so, they would never "do that to me". According to them medicine is only taken by the sick. And they would never call me "sick", they'd rather ignore it.

I don't know wheter they know how I feel, and I surely don't know how to tell them. I guess I seriusly need help with that. I don't wanne feel like this, I wanne be happy. I wanne honestly be happy, and not feel guilty afterwards. But how do I tell them? Or... how can they not see?

DarkHeartedDemoness · 10-23-2006, 02:17 PM

Have you thought of trying homeopathic methods? How would your parents feel about that? Homeopathy very conveniently refers to things as "enhancements", so maybe your parents won't think of it quite so negatively. Acupuncture's great, my boyfriend uses that, and right now I'm off of my drug-medication and taking Chinese Herbs. My psychologist approved it, so in some cases homeopathy is ok in the eyes of medicine.

Blindness is Black · 10-23-2006, 08:57 PM

=/ You get my pity if that's all true, but honestly, no need to be overly whiney about it...none of our lives are perfect, I'm dealing with a divorce, a baby, and moving at the same time myself, not to mention killer classes and relationships.

I recommend incense. Perhaps I'm a bit too into the oriental culture, but I love to light a stick of Dragon's Blood and just listen to music or read. It's quite relaxing...you might try it.

If you severely need to rant, I'm always willing to listen and generally skulking about the threads...drop me a message.

PersephoneX · 10-23-2006, 09:32 PM

Vent vent vent....and maybe some happy herb...

bleedingheart344 · 10-24-2006, 01:58 AM

Blindness Is Black, I love Dragon's Blood, quite a lovely scent. And I do agree, incense may help if it works for you.

PersephoneX · 10-24-2006, 02:16 AM

chocolate also works, y'know...

Blindness is Black · 10-24-2006, 07:39 PM

But of course.

@PersephoneX: I love the Aztecs for discovering chocolate.

PersephoneX · 10-24-2006, 09:22 PM

we all do!

NothinI'vBecom · 10-25-2006, 11:36 AM

Thanx guys, chocolate all the way!

NothinI'vBecom · 10-26-2006, 10:35 AM

You know what, today was a terrible day. My parents won't get me any help or medication... you know why? Cause they don't realise I'm trapped in this confusion and thunder clouds. My obsession with goth-culture, heavy metal music and all that... they think it's all just a phase. How can I tell them I need help? Or what should I do to let them see?

DarkHeartedDemoness · 10-26-2006, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NothinI'vBecom

You know what, today was a terrible day. My parents won't get me any help or medication... you know why? Cause they don't realise I'm trapped in this confusion and thunder clouds. My obsession with goth-culture, heavy metal music and all that... they think it's all just a phase. How can I tell them I need help? Or what should I do to let them see?

I hope you're not implying that your obsession with goth-culture has some sort of connection to your depression. I know plenty of goths that aren't depressed, and plenty others who resent people assuming that all goths are depressed.

What are you currently telling your parents? What exactly is their response? Do you say, "Mom, dad, I feel like I'm drowning, I don't feel like I want to be alive anymore, I need help," and their response is, "Oh, hun, it's just a phase. You'll get through it sooner or later"?

NothinI'vBecom · 10-26-2006, 12:30 PM

Well no. (O and sorry, the whole goth thing is not because of my feelings... I love the entire culture, i find it fascinating... it's just that I think my parents has got that "typical stereotype thing going" that all goths are depressed... you know? SO I'm just saying.)

My parents keep on complaining how negative I am over things, and how "I've changed into some other rude guy and how I need to turn back into me". I'v thought about just telling them. Telling them that the reason I get mad at small stuff, or don't wanne listen to their speeches on how I should do more and get more into life or change my outlouk is not because I'm selfish. Or because I'm the typical hard-ass teenager. It's because something inside. It's gone beyond the point of being negative and just ... it's from the inside. It's something I can't explain.

I've got great friends, I'm in one of the best schools, I can do so much, but I just can't. I just can't... boy, u got me all sad now...

If only I got tell them. Not be so afraid to start crying, or so scared of whatever it is they're gonne say.

Gretchen Mädelnick · 10-26-2006, 01:05 PM

Quote:

My parents keep on complaining how negative I am over things,

So did my parents when I was a teen, up to my 19th year.

Now I realize my negativity was only my way of expressing that I choose for quality in my life. I just know I'm right. For example I hear complaints the whole day at my work. I get cursed at the whole day. I risk my job every day because I have to keep our (rich) customers. Yet I go smiling at my work and go smiling to my home. How negative is that huh? I'll get promotion soon because I smile in this stress. How negative am I huh?

But let me tell you, my thoughts on quality never have changed. Not a bit!
Are you negative, or is only your behaviour on the outside that makes you look negative? The latter would be an expression of something else than negativity. Don't worry in that case. See if there's anything (or somebody) to smile at outside.

DarkHeartedDemoness · 10-26-2006, 01:14 PM

Why are you afraid you'll start crying? You're about to tell your parents how shitty EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE is feeling right now, how you feel like you're being suffocated by your emotions, how you feel like you're never going to be happy again. This is not something you should have to try to say without showing emotion. You might cry, and that's ok. This is a fucking emotional thing to say, and there's no reason to feel ashamed that you're visibly upset.

When I finally told my parents (like you, I decided not to tell them until it was almost too late), they were much more sympathetic than I expected. If that helps.

NothinI'vBecom · 10-26-2006, 02:09 PM

It does thanx. But when? Should I just walk up to them and say... say what? "Hi mom. I think I'm depressed. Can we go see a doctor?"