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Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books.

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Old 12-19-2014, 04:44 PM   #1
GothicBrownEyes
 
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Location: USA, Bakersfield California
Posts: 6
Poems I put together

A Poet Forgotten


Remember me as I am,
The rose without thorns.

A blackened and broken flower,
nothing else but a faded memory
a memorial of a forgotten poet.

I got lost amongst the muses,
and their noses and nods.

I became the muse amongst the musing,
the poets and their wordplay.

I became the poetic vein,
a bleeder of poetic format,
a sinner to my muses.

A poets whisper on old paper,
untouched,
unchanged,
forgotten over time.


---------------------------------

I'm Nothing More

You might like it if I was shady like you.
I’d become something more than just a shadow,
more than a blackened rose going crisp.

I'm a horrid thing laying limp in the sun,
leaving my perfume to lingering on the wind.

I’m more to you than this shady rose bud
laying in your unforgiving hands,
Waiting to crush me.
Lift weekend
forgotten by time,
wilted,
crusted,
and rotten.

Life has no need for shady affairs,
me forgotten.
I’m nothing more than a
Shady Black Rose.


---------------------------------

Her Beauty Kills My Mood
My Love For The Sun

The night moves with her,
and her shadow scratches on the walls
leaving a wound inside my heart
I’m watching it bleed out before me.

A beauty with a darkened heart,
she lurks on the edge of the night.

I can't help but to love her eternal shade,
her beauty kills my mood.

Like the full moon
she becomes a God to my waves
washing upon my shores
with her shadowy form.

Lucide beams streak from her hair,
spelling out upon my Plutonian shore.

Watch her beauty beaming before me,
like no other have I seen,
such beauty as she beams.

A falling star
without a sky,
Watch her fly
now she’s landing on my shores;
gracing my presence with her beautiful mystery.
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Old 12-27-2014, 08:36 PM   #2
HumanePain
 
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I like the evolution of symbolism in all three poems:
You start off with a very simple one, I almost stopped reading but then the second was intriguing and finally in the third you use symbolism even more.

You have potential, try using even more subtle and sublime symbolism.

Here is an example of how I use symbolism (I posted this in the Poetry Thread in 2007):

http://gothic.net/boards/showthread....nks#post236427

The moon is full
between the clouds
as I search
the shore.

Like the Eye of God
it lights the sand
but there is no sign
but silence.

Looking up
do I trace the beach
or breach the pitch
of an unknown lake?

Ripples belie
the undertow
but The Eye of God
blinks not.

Floating out
I miss the shore
but now My Eye
sees anew
the bubbles
drifting up.
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Old 01-21-2015, 02:09 PM   #3
GothicBrownEyes
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HumanePain View Post
I like the evolution of symbolism in all three poems:
You start off with a very simple one, I almost stopped reading but then the second was intriguing and finally in the third you use symbolism even more.

You have potential, try using even more subtle and sublime symbolism.

Here is an example of how I use symbolism (I posted this in the Poetry Thread in 2007):

http://gothic.net/boards/showthread....nks#post236427

The moon is full
between the clouds
as I search
the shore.

Like the Eye of God
it lights the sand
but there is no sign
but silence.

Looking up
do I trace the beach
or breach the pitch
of an unknown lake?

Ripples belie
the undertow
but The Eye of God
blinks not.

Floating out
I miss the shore
but now My Eye
sees anew
the bubbles
drifting up.

Thanks for the feedback. I'm still learning even after many years how to use symbolism and metaphors in my poetry. I've been told it's the hardest thing to get right when writing poetry. I have written some really good stuff besides what I've shared here. Plus these three were my more recent poems, that I'm still working on.
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