The English language and how it isn´t easy

[Shyantra]

You Think English is Easy???

Can you read these right the first time?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present , he thought it was time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted . But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

[HumanePain]

Heehee I have read this somewhere before, but still funny as ever. And true of course.

[Godslayer Jillian]

Yes. We should all follow Bernard Shaw's advice and say ghoti instead of fish.
It would make everything easier.

[happy_dude]

I only had trouble with about five of them
Though I have always known that english is one of them most inconsistent languages. It makes no bloody sense.

[Vako]

That was fun! I love the English language. There are so many options for expression. Spanish is beautiful also, but much more pragmatic.

[MotherofMercies]

I could read most of it right. Even without glasses.

[Underwater Ophelia]

I could read a lot of it right, but that's probably because I tend to be a grammar nazi.
I think we should eliminate c and x, and th, sh, and ch should have their own characters.

[killer_asian_Dax]

I had no problem reading it, but like Underwater Ophelia, I'm kind of grammar nazi.

It was great fun to read though!

Cheers!

[Magpie_Tendencies]

Originally Posted by happy_dude

It makes no bloody sense.

Yes but at least with English you can completely mess up your sentence structure, pronounce words wrong, swap tenses several times in a single sentence and STILL be understood.

With many of the asian languages, you can't do that as the words change meaning depending on where you place them.

[PersephoneX]

English is so much fun...

Beware the grammar Nazi's!

[happy_dude]

Originally Posted by Magpie_Tendencies

Yes but at least with English you can completely mess up your sentence structure, pronounce words wrong, swap tenses several times in a single sentence and STILL be understood.

That is one of the beautiful things about English.

[Clockwork]

oldspeak is doubleplusungood. newspeak is gooder. hail bb

[IsolatedReptile]

I've got to say that was a lot of fun. I had little difficulty reading them in my head, though out loud was a different story. I seem to suddenly develop dislexia when I speak sometimes.

[xmorpheus]

There are two sentences in the English language that are totally grammactically correct - and can be spoken with no difficulty - but can never be written down and be correct. You have to admire a language that can manage that.

(for those of you who are interested:

There are three twos in the English language

Which do you use? Two, Too or To? Doesn't matter, any of them would be incorrect. Same sentence works with "There, Their and They're".)

X is the coolest letter in the alphabet. Under no circumstances may it be removed!

[Minyaliel]

*joins the grammar Nazi squad*

That was fun - I didn't have any problems reading or understanding any of the sentences, however. Thanks for sharing! =)

[xmorpheus]

It's always entertaining to wait until you're in real grammar Nazi territory and then drag that one out - no-one can ever answer it

Psuedo literary clubs find it particularly offensive.......... Am I the only person to ever get banned from a book discussion group?

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Clockwork

oldspeak is doubleplusungood. newspeak is gooder. hail bb

That was amazing.

[Shyantra]

Originally Posted by Minyaliel

*joins the grammar Nazi squad*

That was fun - I didn't have any problems reading or understanding any of the sentences, however. Thanks for sharing! =)

No problem. I just couldn't resist.

[Vyvian Blackthorne]

Minyaliel, you're avatar I think should now be "whose definetly not an" rather than "whose definetly not"

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Vyvian Blackthorne

Minyaliel, you're avatar I think should now be "whose definetly not an" rather than "whose definetly not"

You're kidding, right?

Um. Both would be incorrect. "Whose" would not be used in the situation either way.
And uh, it's "your avatar."

[Vyvian Blackthorne]

Good everyone. Ophelia caught my point.

[raggedyanne]

In my head I'm a grammer natzi, but when I open my mouth it's all over. It's wierd; "all over" can mean that something is completly done, or that it completely covers the surface of something.

[theradicalviper]

you found this on lol.com didn't you ?

[Shyantra]

Originally Posted by theradicalviper

you found this on lol.com didn't you ?

Not really. It was actually something my gram sent because she thought I might enjoy it. *Heavily into grammer*

[wishcat]

Haha that was fun to read. I agree that English is a crazy language. It makes it hard for people who are trying to learn the language because it can be very confusing. I speak spanish, so some of those were hard for me.