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Old 01-20-2011, 08:59 AM   #201
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Okay uhm...

I am nothing...I am the worst god ever. I have low self esteem.
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Old 01-20-2011, 09:00 AM   #202
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Ah, don't worry. Maybe you're secretly KamadiniBOOYAH and the leash is just a cunning disguise.
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Old 01-20-2011, 09:05 AM   #203
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I am many things...
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:00 AM   #204
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Lulz. It'd be a cunning disguise indeed. You guys should put down the weed for a while and throw down. Could be the obligatory sequel: Girlfight in the Gnet. That awesome Apathy character could gather the last drugs in Jersey, lock them in a room, throw the key into the air and kick back with a beer to watch the results.

Yo, Vin, pop another button on your blouse and clam the fuck up.
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:03 AM   #205
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......huhhh???
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:12 AM   #206
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Yo, Vin, pop another button on your blouse and clam the fuck up.
^^^^^^^^^^
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:19 AM   #207
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YES. THIS IS THE COOLEST THING EVER.

blacktext
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:22 AM   #208
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Killing Jilly or Girlfight in the Gnet?

EDIT: Oh, Vin's button. You heard the man, hop to it.
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:24 AM   #209
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What if I don't have buttons?
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:28 AM   #210
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Look, zip it, rip it. I don't give a FUCK. Quit stalling.
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:35 AM   #211
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What if there is nothing to rip or zip?
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:41 AM   #212
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Then you're wearing some kinda sweater, cause I ain't seeing what Ophie sees.
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:43 AM   #213
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Bahahaha....
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:49 AM   #214
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Killing Jilly or Girlfight in the Gnet?

EDIT: Oh, Vin's button. You heard the man, hop to it.
Actually, I meant the story in general so far, and Kontan and My behavior in the most recent installment.

But yeah Vin, Your boobs, show them to us.
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Old 01-20-2011, 11:52 AM   #215
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I'll hopefully be making a start on the next chapter some time this afternoon. This is the one I'm looking forward to out of the ones so far. 3 more old faces coming up.
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Old 01-20-2011, 03:31 PM   #216
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FADE IN TO A FLICKERING LIGHTBULB. SHOT MOVES OUT TO REVEAL AN ILL-LIT STORE ROOM WITH STONE WALLS. THE BULB CONTINUES TO FLICKER HALTINGLY, GIVING THE LONG WIDE SPACE THE AIR OF SOME PRE-WAR MENTAL ASYLUM. A SINISTER AIR UNDERPINS THE SCENE: METAL STORAGE CRATES ARE TURNED ON THEIR SIDES, CONTENTS SPILLED IN UNEVEN PILES, AND THE PLACE IS FULL OF SHADOWS.

SHOT MOVES TO THE END OF THE VAST ROOM TO A DOOR, WHICH SWINGS OPEN SILENTLY. MOMENTS LATER THE SURVIVORS ENTER, THEIR MOVEMENTS WARY, WEAPONS POINTED OUTWARD. THEY PASS QUIETLY BETWEEN THE METAL CRATES CHECKING EACH SHADOW AND CORNER AS THE MOVE ALONG.

Jack: [stumbling, slightly drunk, stumbles into a large empty cage-like crate, which rattles in place. A tremendous clang rings out as Sternn grabs him, pulling him away from it]

Sternn: Shhh! [grips Jack and keeps a finger to his lips until the rattling clang has yielded its last echo]

Jack: [dazed] Shit… sorry… thanks, man….

Sternn: [in a hushed faux-Irish growl] Don’t worry yerself. Yer man Uncle Sam’ll get ye like that. Crafty, he is – crazy like a fox! [raps knuckles on his head manically] Just – go careful. Watch yer back. Don’t let him ensnare ye with his Jesus and his guns and his feckin’ McDonalds.

Jack: [confused] Uhh… sure. [Sternn grips his shoulder with an earnest look of encouragement, then snaps back to feral mode, ghosting around corners and pointing his electric carving blade into them before moving on. Jack stares after him]

KONTAN IS LEADING THE GROUP, ROLLING AROUND CORNERS DRAMATICALLY, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE-STYLE. DESPANAN IS BRINGING UP THE REAR, FENCING ALONG BEHIND THEM WITH HIS BBQ PRONG. IN THE MIDDLE, STERNN TAILS APATHY AS SAYA FALLS IN BESIDE JACK, WHO IS GREENER THAN EVER.

Saya: [in a hushed voice] Jesus, dude. Mind where you’re staggering, huh?

Jack: Unh – [swallows & gags]

Saya: [realizing what’s about to happen] Whoa, whoa. Come on - [tugging
at him as he retches silently] Not here. Just a little further – let’s just get out of this area, okay, it’s not safe here -

Jack: M’okay. Just need to – [vomits loudly and gloriously]

Saya: Shit… [forcing him to his knees to minimize the sound made by the splashing as the others turn back to them quickly]

Apathy: Jack, what the fuck?

Jack: [finishing and raising his head, panting] Flask. [reaches up a hand. Apathy quickly produces another from his pocket and passes it. Jack pulls the lid of with his teeth and glugs, finishing in a few seconds as the others look around anxiously. Looks up at them, dragging the back of a hand across his mouth] Sorry. I’m good, I’m good.

Apathy: You can’t keep doing this. You’re gonna bottom out. We need you sharp. Soon as we kill Jilly, we’re getting you some water.

Jack: Believe me, I am ALL OVER that plan. Fuckin’ mouth feels dryer’n a spinster’s dark place.

Apathy: Come on. We’ve got to go. Making this much noise can’t be smart. KammadinniBOOYAH could be HERE for all we know. You don’t keep an open portal unless you’re planning on sticking around. It’s not like you can carry it around like a turtle. That was me, I’d be protecting that shit like a second pair of balls.

Saya: [pulling Jack up and towing him along as they continue] Come on. We’re nearly there. Just another fifty feet. You can do it.

THEY CONTINUE MOVING DOWN THE LONG ROOM BETWEEN THE DARK SILHOUETTES OF METAL CRATES, THE LIGHT STILL FLICKERING DIMLY. THEY ARE NOW ONLY 20 FEET FROM THE DOOR AT THE FAR END OF THE STORE ROOM, WHICH HANGS OPEN, SHOWING ONLY DARKNESS WITHIN.
AS THEY REACH IT, APATHY MOTIONS THE GROUP TO A HALT AND APPROACHES WARILY. HE WALKS OVER TO THE GAPING VOID AND SLOWLY SWINGS THE DOOR INWARD TOWARD HIM, OPENING IT WIDE. STILL NOTHING BUT BLACKNESS INSIDE. APATHY TURNS BACK TO THE GROUP WITH A SLIGHT NOD AND RAISES A HAND TO MOTION THEM TO FOLLOW AS HE STEPS TOWARD IT.

A DARK PURPLE HAND REACHES FROM THE SHADOWS AND CLOSES AROUND HIS THROAT BEFORE HE CAN COMPLETE THE GESTURE. OBVIOUSLY, HE WAS LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER, OR ELSE HE TOTALLY WOULD HAVE SLICED THE WHOLE FUCKING ARM OFF WITH CONCEALED BLADES SUDDENLY FLIPPING FROM HIS SLEEVES.

SHOT CUTS BACK TO THE ALLEYWAY, WHERE OPHIE AND VIN SIT ON THE WINDOW LEDGE, LEGS DANGLING INTO THE DESERTED AND WRECKED STREET. VIN IS SMOKING A JOINT WHILE OPHIE DOODLES. SHE SUDDENLY STOPS DOODLING AND LOOKS UP QUICKLY, POINTING HER FACE INTO THE AIR AS THUOGH LISTENING/ SMELLING FOR SOMETHING.

Ophie: My cooze is tingling. Apathy’s in trouble. [jumps down inside the room] Come on. [tugs the leash and Vin tumbles down beside her hard]
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Old 01-20-2011, 03:32 PM   #217
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CUT BACK TO THE STORE ROOM. THE HAND GRIPS APATHY’S TRACHEA AND LIFTS HIM OFF THE GROUND AS HE CLUTCHES FOR HIS GUN WITH ONE HAND, GASPING. A PURPLE FOOT WITH TWO LONG TOES, LIKE A GOAT, BUT WITH CLAWS COMING FROM THEM, LIKE A 2-CLAWED TIGER, REACHES UP FROM THE SHADOWS AND KICKS THE GUN FROM HIS HAND TO SEND IT CLATTERING ACROSS THE ROOM. THE CLAWED PURPLE FOOT HANGS IN THE AIR LEVEL WITH APATHY’S GROIN FOR A MOMENT AS SAYA GASPS.

Saya: NO! Not the balls, you fucking son of a BITCH!!

She runs over and leaps on the creature, disappearing into the darkness as the three of them topple through the doorway. A couple of seconds of struggling is heard as the others move forward, raising their weapons, Desp fencing toward the door foppishly.

Before they have gone far, Saya and Apathy reappear, violently hurled through the door. They skitter across the floor and roll a few times, thumping down at the feet of the advancing group. They scramble to their feet quickly and thrust out their weapons as the shot cuts back to the door.
The purple foot emerges from the darkness, and the shot pans up as the creature steps out. KAMMADINNIBOOYAH is almost ten feet tall, and in addition to the purple skin and hoof-clawed feet, has the Crow makeup tattooed all over his face, continuing down over his shoulders, and the haunches of a goat. His eyes are milky, like the zombies’, but clear and lucid.

Desp: DUDE! He’s even bigger than I remember! I think he’s grown, like, two feet!

Kontan: Yeah! We wouldn’t even come up to his nipples now! [gestures at the nipples, which are massive and pierced with little dangling ankhs]

Apathy: [shifting into a defensive stance grimly as KammadinniBOOYAH takes a step closer] Yeah, well, that’d be the portals. You fucking numptys.

Desp: Hey, don’t be looking at us! Jack’s the one who probably let him know we’re here by hurling over himself!

Jack: ME?! YOU released him! This is YOUR fucking fault! [SHOVES HIM SIDEWAYS ANGRILY, KEEPING HIS KNIFE POINTED]

KAMMADINNIBOOYAH WATCHES THEM IMPERIOUSLY FOR A FEW MOMENTS, THEN RAISES A FINGER SLOWLY TO POINT DRAMATICALLY AT JACK.

Kam: Ban… YOU!

Jack: [jumping guiltily] ME? What’d I do?

Kam: Conflict… conflict… BAN YOU! [the pointed hand is now trembling, Kam’s
eyes alight with rage]

Saya: [realizing] Dude, when you pushed Desp! Ban you… [staring at Kam, ashen-faced with shock] Oh my god. You guys… [looks around at them, eyes wide] I think… I think this is – the ADMIN.

Jack: [stares at her for a second then looks back to Kam, swallowing] So, I mean… when you say BAN me…

KAMMADINNIBOOYAH STARES AT HIM FOR A MOMENT, THEN PICKS UP A METAL CRATE BIG ENOUGH TO HOUSE AN ALSATION AND HOLDS IT OVER HIS HEAD FOR A MOMENT TO CHECK JACK IS WATCHING. THEN HE TURNS AND BATTERS IT HARD AGAINST THE WALL BEHIND HIM. THE SURVIVORS COVER THEIR EARS AGAINST THE AWFUL CLANGING AS APATHY GOES FOR HIS GUN, WHICH IS ON THE GROUND NEARBY. HE REACHES IT AS KAM TURNS BACK TO THE GROUP, HOLDING OUT THE CRATE, WHICH IS TWISTED BEYOND RECOGNITION, AND ROLLS, POINTING IT, TO STAND QUICKLY. KAM SEES THE GUN AND SWEEPS THE GROUP WITH HIS EYES, STEPPING FORWARD WHEN THEY RAISE THEIR WEAPONS.

Kam: Ban you ALL…

APATHY FIRES OFF SEVERAL SHOTS, BUT KAM CONTINUES ADVANCING.

Apathy: Shit! Nothing’s working! We’ll have to fight him hand-to-hand!

Kontan: No WAY! I ain’t fighting that thing – LOOK at it! We bail!

Apathy: What do you want me to do?! He’ll kill us anyway if we try to run – we can’t get out of this!

Sternn: [putting a finger to his lips as Kam halts suddenly, whispering] Shhh! Listen – they’re coming.

Kontan: [turning impatiently] WHO, Sternn? WHO is coming now, you fucking nut-bar? Sinn Fein? Cuchulainn? The Tea Party?

Sternn: [pointing at him wild-eyed, like a mad prophet] Mark me, they’re a’-comin’ to liberate us from our imperialist yoke!!

Kontan: [turning on him savagely] God DAMN it, Sternn, you freakin’ lunatic –

Saya: [a look of wonder dawning on her face] No – I can hear them. [as the others look at her quickly] Listen.

THEY FALL SILENT AND THE FARAWAY SOUND OF DEMENTED HILLBILLIES RAISING HELL IS HEARD – MANIC LAUGHTER, CRAZED SHOUTS AND LOUD GIBBERING WHOOPS. IT SOUNDS LIKE A SKIT FROM A WEEN ALBUM AS THE SOUND GROWS CLOSER, UNTIL THE DOOR THEY ENTERED THROUGH IS HEARD CRASHING FROM ITS HINGES, SPILLING A PANEL OF DIM LIGHT INTO THE SHADOWS. RUNNING FEET ARE SEEN SKITTERING OVER THE PATCH OF LIGHT, AND THE SOUNDS ARE INSIDE THE STORE-ROOM WITH THEM.

KAMMADINNIBOOYAH TURNS HIS ATTENTION TO THE DIM ROOM. CRATES LOOM IN THE DARK, AND A SHADOW IS SEEN MOVING BETWEEN THEM QUICKLY, GONE BEFORE IT CAN BE FULLY SEEN. SUDDENLY, A SHADOW DROPS FROM THE TOP OF A CRATE, LANDING ON ITS FEET LIKE A CAT. ANOTHER ACROSS THE ROOM DOES THE SAME AS A THIRD EMERGES FROM THE SHADOWS TO JOIN THEM. KAM STEPS OVER TO FACE THEM AS THEY STOP IN FRONT OF HIM. DUCKMAN, HELPMANN AND JUDGE STAND GRINNING. DUCKMAN MOONS, HIS ASS SHAKING OVER THE WHOOPS AND MANIC GIGGLES OF THE OTHER TWO.

Kam: [forming the words like a Neanderthal] I banned you!

Helpmann: [holding up a USB memory stick with a fiendish grin] It’s called a proxy…

Judge: [her grin just as evil]… BITCH. [dangles her own]

Apathy: [with a smirk] Hey, Judge.

Judge: What up, Apathy. Lookin’ fine.

Apathy: [shrugging – it’s true] You know me. [double-takes, frowning at her in confusion] Damn, did you get hotter?

Judge: [shrugging] It’s highly probable. My awesomeness is cumulative – unlike the rest of you mouth-breathers, I just get better and better with every second that passes.

Kam: [enraged, bellowing at the trolls in a thunderous roar] LEAVE THIS PLACE!

Duckman: [shaking head with a shit-eating grin] NUH-UH!

Kam: [howls with rage, gathering himself on his haunches to attack in a state of terrible trembling fury] I BAN YOU!

Duckman: [JUMPING QUICKLY ONTO A CRATE WITH A MANIC GIGGLE] Fuck yoo!! We do what we want! [PERCHES ATOP THE CRATE LIKE SPIDERMAN, GIVING THE FINGER EMPHATICALLY]

KAMMADINNIBOOYAH AND THE THREE TROLLS FACE EACH OTHER FOR A FEW SECONDS. THEN THEY LEAP AT ONE ANOTHER, KAM ENRAGED AND THE TROLLS SHRIEKING GLEEFULLY. THEY CLASH IN THE AIR AND EACH FIGHTS WITH ALL THEY HAVE AS THEY TUMBLE TO THE GROUND IN A VIOLENT JUMBLE OF LIMBS.
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Old 01-20-2011, 10:36 PM   #218
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So Epic....
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Old 01-21-2011, 05:20 AM   #219
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I'd so lose a girlfight. I can barely put one foot in front of the other without banging into something.

"Duckman: [JUMPING QUICKLY ONTO A CRATE WITH A MANIC GIGGLE] Fuck yoo!! We do what we want! [PERCHES ATOP THE CRATE LIKE SPIDERMAN, GIVING THE FINGER EMPHATICALLY]"

I think this guy might be my favourite.
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Old 01-21-2011, 06:12 AM   #220
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You should have been here when he owned the threadss...
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Old 01-21-2011, 08:32 AM   #221
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Fuck, I wish I'd had them plug the memory stick into their head to imply that they actually were "banned", but came back. Duckman still rocks up under different aliases occasionally. It'll be a cold day in hell when that motherfucker can't find a way in.
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Old 01-21-2011, 10:21 AM   #222
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Awesome. Totally awesome.

I think Despanan needs to show off his sweet karate moves now.
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Old 01-21-2011, 03:36 PM   #223
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I just had to get some classic trolls in there, even though it's cheating really. Lakita was considered, but 3 is a power number, and those 3 are my all-time favorites.

EDIT: Thanks for the comments btw. It's helping me keep up the motivation to stick at this, even though the constipation it came from is now unblocked.
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Old 01-21-2011, 05:02 PM   #224
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I figured Judge would eventually pop up lol
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Old 01-21-2011, 05:55 PM   #225
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I think Apathy should write a love triangle between Ophie, Vinn, and I. I don't think Ophie would care to share.
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