Gothic.net News Horror Gothic Lifestyle Fiction Movies Books and Literature Dark TV VIP Horror Professionals Professional Writing Tips Links Gothic Forum




Go Back   Gothic.net Community > Boards > Whining

Whining This forum is for general whining. Please post all suicide threats, complaints about significant others, and statements about how unfair school is to this board.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-04-2007, 06:51 PM   #1
Blindness is Black
 
Blindness is Black's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In Hell
Posts: 108
Can'tStopTheTears

Before I get started, let me just state that you shouldn't feel obliged to reply or even keep reading...I just have a bundle of emotion that I need to sort out and so I'm typing down in the first forum I came to so I could go over it tomorrow and hopefully make things better. If you've actually read to this point, I gather you might be even minimally concerned about my current mental state, but if you're not, feel free to whine, bitch, and flame me about how I'm a selfish, egotistical brat. I probably deserve it.


This is a problem regarding the parental units; what else is new? Sometimes I wish I could be as good as they want me to be, but facing the facts, I just can't.

This time my dad really crossed the line with me, the use of words like "useless", "no good", and "might as well be dead" being the main culprits. I basically snapped, but instead of screaming until I took the skin off my throat like I usually do, I ran outside wearing a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt with nothing underneath to bawl m eyes out.

This is not a normal reaction; I would otherwise be obliged to storm up to my room and lock the door like any emotional teenager, and sit in my closet until my mother came, invaded my privacy with the use of a screwdriver, and proceeded to ask what the HELL was wrong with me.

I sat outside for maybe an hour or two. It is February, and I live in northern New Jersey. If you're any good at geography at all, you can figure out that it's pretty damn cold. There is snow on the ground, which is where I sat. For two hours. And nobody came looking for me. I question my own worth, and wonder if anyone would honestly care if I fell asleep and froze to death outside. Many cars passed, two stopped and asked me in concerned voices what I was doing sitting on the frozen ground. I told them I was having a tea party slash sleepover. Confusion ensues. But isn't that just sad? Strangers care more about me than my own family.

Around now, I stop crying and wanting to die long enough to pull my head out of my hoodie. Cold air rushes in, and I decide I was stupid not to put on a shirt. A streetlamp nearest to me burns out, and I find myself thinking "wow, even God is fucking with me. God hates me. And I don't even believe in God". This thought is immediately followed by "Jesus, I am so fucking twisted. And I don't believe in Jesus either".

About half an hour later I decide I have had enough, and that I should probably go back lest I fall asleep. But my legs won't move. I wonder vaguely now how I got back, because I can say with all honesty that I don't remember.

Right now I'm sort of wondering if I have some sort of mental disease, because that would explain a lot of things.
Blindness is Black is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2007, 07:41 PM   #2
HumanePain
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: the concrete and steel beehive of Southern California
Posts: 7,449
Blog Entries: 4
I am sorry you had to endure that B-is-B. Those were indeed cruel words that were hurled at you. And yes, strangers at this moment, do appear to care more about you than your family (I certainly do care about you, I raised a daughter to adulthood too, and know a little about what you just went through).

I am not going to defend your parents actions (personally, I find what they said detestable), but I do want to try and give you perhaps a different perspective on what may have happened:

Maybe they do care about you, so much, that they are trying to drive you hard to succeed (although I do not know what the confrontation was about).

When my daughter received poor grades on her report card in high school, you can bet that I did give her some grief, although I did not attack her self-esteem. Instead, I warned her of the lower standard of living that awaited her should she fail to graduate. I described vividly what her future would hold if she did not put forth more effort. Maybe that was what your parental units were trying to do.

But regardless, I sympathize, and do not approve of any parent telling their child the words you mentioned. That, in my humble opinion, is sloppy parenting.

I wish there was something I could do, but all I can do is offer sympathy on a computer screen. I hope you feel better, and find the strength to endure, and even more, rise above your circumstances. I wish you the very best of luck.

^_^
__________________
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKm_wA-WdI4
Charlie Chaplin The Greatest Speech in History


HumanePain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2007, 08:15 PM   #3
GirlsNotMe
 
GirlsNotMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 69
Just wait it out and get to college, or the real world on your own. You're, what? 16? 17?

I have a death vendetta with my mother as well, but the less you see of them the better it gets. Just tolerate it until you can get as far away from this as possible.
GirlsNotMe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-2007, 09:13 PM   #4
Encaitare
 
Encaitare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: the heart of the Dreaming
Posts: 124
I'm so sorry, hon. Even if HumanePain is right, there's absolutely no reason to say to your child, ever, that he might as well be dead. *offers cyberhug*
Encaitare is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-05-2007, 01:20 AM   #5
BlackDahlia
 
BlackDahlia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: middle of effin' nowhere
Posts: 96
I think you're parents are the ones with the mental problems, not you. Saying stuff like that to your kid regardless of the circumstances is just vicious.

*offers a hug too*
BlackDahlia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-05-2007, 02:13 AM   #6
bleedingheart344
 
bleedingheart344's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Amidst a shallow grave
Posts: 1,211
*hugs* I'd say that Humanepain is right, and that it was unfathomable that parents could say things of that nature to their child, I wish you the best for sorting this out.
__________________
bleedingheart344 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-05-2007, 03:58 AM   #7
Morrigan_Dubh
 
Morrigan_Dubh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,247
Don't worry. You'll get through puberty. Then you'll see it doesn't get any better!

You will just have to learn to deal with these clashes in a way that is more constructive and healthier, both mentally and physically, for you. They're going to keep on coming, and you will need to be strong to deal with them.

Good luck.
__________________
Petrified for the millionth time...
Slowly my soul evaporates
Morrigan_Dubh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-05-2007, 05:37 AM   #8
wishcat
 
wishcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: San Diego, CA. USA
Posts: 355
Aww sweetie, I'm sorry you're going through all that. You don't have a mental problem, you are just going through alot right now. Your parents are the ones with mental problems here not you ok.

I understand how you feel because I grew up in a situation simular to yours.
My mom has like a split personality, sometimes she is really mean and abusive and the next moment she is a total sweetheart.

I was mentally and physically abused by my mom up untill the age of 18. I wasn't allowed to leave the house, only to go to school and come back. I could play in front of the house but that was all. I remember mom used to tell me things like, I should have strangled you when you were born. And whipping me with cords till I was black and blue. My dad used to run away and hide, because they would get into fist fights all day long, to the point where they would have knives at each other and blood all over the place, and me and my sisters would stand between them trying to separate them and take the knives away.
My dad used to tell me things like you are useless and why would you want to go to college, it's a waste of time.

When I turned 18 I told my mom that she couldn't touch me anymore. If she layed one hand on me, I would call the cops on her. From that moment she had stopped the abuse and I was finally free.

I had endured alot in my life with my parents, I Just lived my life in my room listening to my music. When I tell my mom now of the horrible things she used to do, she honsetly doesn't remember and thinks I am making it up. In her eyes, she never layed a hand on me. I know she never really meant the things she said, they would just come out. But even though I knew that, it still hurt so much to hear your mother say she wishes you were dead. My father died a sad death and I don't hate him for anything, I love him and wish he was still here with us. My mom is now really sick and is about to undergo surgery. After all the bad things that she put me though, I still love her and I would do anything to keep her alive and here with me.

I learned to adapt and delt with things through music and writting. I now live on my own with my fiancee and I am a healthy happy person. I used to wonder myself If I was crazy too, but I'm not, don't ever think that of yourself. Hopefully you can find some way to comfort your pain as I did.

Best thing for you to do is try to get out. Maybe move in with another relative or hold on till you are 18 and move out on your own.

Good luck sweetie and I hope things do get better for you.
__________________
*You left the sweetest taste in my mouth!*
wishcat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-05-2007, 05:41 AM   #9
Morrigan_Dubh
 
Morrigan_Dubh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,247
See, Blindness is Black? There'll always be someone worse off than you. You can take comfort in that, at least.
__________________
Petrified for the millionth time...
Slowly my soul evaporates
Morrigan_Dubh is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:37 AM.