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Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books.

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Old 07-20-2010, 11:10 AM   #1
Neslyn
 
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Post New Beginning

I lay upon a bed of tears and white roses.
Drifting ever so carefully away, my spirit soars.
Wondering how far the wind shall take me,
I dream of someplace better- if not only different.
There are creatures surrounding my cushion of thorns.
There are places upon my empty flesh, wet, and I sense them. Yet I feel nothing but remorse.

Mysterious is the shadow that coats my vision.
I'm cold- seemingly my mind has been frozen.
Upon thousands of petals my spirit alone can see
I wish they would allow me the honor of their sweet, caring scent.
As I lie alone in a blanket of shadows I wonder-
What will become of me?

Am I falling? I'm surrounded by darkness.
Why can't you hear my calls?
My family has lost me, I cannot feel them.
Where have they gone?
I lay upon a bed of tears and white roses.
All who know me shall miss the sound of my voice.
As my spirit descends away from this world
I can feel the sorrow and I can feel their grief-
But now I am lost.
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Old 07-22-2010, 08:44 AM   #2
TheFeatheredÆtheling
 
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I like this poem's elegant description death, but there is some subtle language that is unsettling. Did you mean to write that your spirit "descends" from this world rather than ascends? Your poem is called "New Beginning", and you concluded it with "But now I am lost". It almost sounds as if this poem is about damnation.
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Old 07-22-2010, 09:50 AM   #3
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It's about the fear of death and where it will take him. In the poem (I don't mention that it's a boy because there really isn't a need to) he sees/knows he's dying, but he doesn't want to die. The poem is written in his view (note the I's and the me's) and since he doesn't want to die and is confused as to why he's dying "my spirit descends" is exactly what I meant. Because for him it feels like something is pulling him away. Like he's in between worlds.

The background is a funeral. The line "Am I falling?" is one of the simpler lines, but what would be happening is his sensing his own casket being lowered to the ground. The "New Beginning" title points toward where he's going rather than what he's lost, be it Heaven, Hell or nonexistence- it'll be someplace new. And that bothers him because he feels lost. A lot of the poem is directing toward the fact that he has to leave- regardless of what he feels.

This was written for a friend's son, yes he's real, he died of an Asthma attack at the age of fifteen.
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Old 07-22-2010, 09:59 AM   #4
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So I guess you could say he feels damned, but in reality he's not.
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