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Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books.

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Old 08-08-2010, 10:13 AM   #1
Darkemostar
 
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Bitten

I was bitten long ago
Time was slow for me as he'd never show
My skin was glowing and so was my heart untill he broke it
His poison was the bite it pained me like a metal steak percing my heart
He not only perced my heart but he perced my soul.
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Old 08-08-2010, 10:40 AM   #2
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This is truly brilliant.Just kidding you stupid hoebag
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Old 08-08-2010, 12:06 PM   #3
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This one really conveys everything I think you've been trying to convey through all your other works, nice. the only change i would suggest is with this line "My skin was glowing and so was my heart untill he broke it" put a line break between my heart and until he broke it.
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Old 08-08-2010, 12:07 PM   #4
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This one was good and simple I liked it.
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Old 08-08-2010, 02:24 PM   #5
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Don't try and be nice, guys. Be honest.
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Old 08-08-2010, 02:27 PM   #6
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Don't try and be nice, guys. Be honest.
I am not just being nice, this piece has potential, more so thank most of her other pieces
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Old 08-08-2010, 02:32 PM   #7
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Then you must lack taste. Considering all the poems out there IDENTICAL to this.
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Old 08-08-2010, 02:39 PM   #8
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Not really this one makes more sense
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Old 08-08-2010, 02:43 PM   #9
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Doesn't mean it's good. At all.
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Old 08-08-2010, 02:48 PM   #10
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Sin cut her some slack. In this poem she's not complaining and her spelling is ok.
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Old 08-08-2010, 02:51 PM   #11
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Still........
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Doesn't mean it's good. At all.
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Old 08-08-2010, 02:53 PM   #12
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I'm not asking or looking for Pulitzer material here (I don't expect it anyway) but either way an opinions an opinion. And like assholes, everyone has one.
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Old 08-08-2010, 02:56 PM   #13
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True, but hey she a bit lost help her.
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Old 08-08-2010, 03:31 PM   #14
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There are plenty of ways to help someone in the process of writing. I'm the voice telling her a different view and she's getting offended. Of course for most people this is a stopping point but hanging over these masterpieces has made me cement my pride in coming back on this site. Its a damn good laugh.
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Old 08-08-2010, 03:54 PM   #15
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Your criticisum is harsh but hey I won't lie they are hilarious
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Old 08-08-2010, 05:55 PM   #16
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I never said this piece was good, I'm not one to tell someone that their work is bad tho, I will simply point out what about it works and tell them how to make it better. I simply said that it has more potential than some of her other pieces.
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Old 08-09-2010, 07:51 AM   #17
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@ Sinjob: if you wanted to help you could be nicer! Of course i took a lot of it as an offence because i'm easly offended
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Old 08-09-2010, 08:40 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darkemostar View Post
@ Sinjob: if you wanted to help you could be nicer! Of course i took a lot of it as an offence because i'm easly offended
No shit. After having your cousin send me a HILARIOUS private message threatening me because you were unable to take criticism, you being easily offended is obvious.
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Old 08-09-2010, 02:54 PM   #19
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Sinjob leave me alone you,me and my cousin knows what that message contained so shut up and go away!
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Old 08-09-2010, 04:28 PM   #20
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You are just retarded. And emo,

Give up all together
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Old 08-10-2010, 03:25 PM   #21
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I'll NEVER GIVE UP! Lady Bewinter, Lady Bewinnter's brother, my sister, and I don't like you and they are acutualy nice! A few things you should learn about me is I bite and i'll bite anyone who get's in my way i will fight untill i win you might as well back down or I'll get Lady Bewinter, Lady Bewinter's brother, my sister and all of my friends and allies together and you wouldn't like that!
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Old 08-10-2010, 03:36 PM   #22
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Writing poetry, or at least posting it on a public forum, should be a capital offense for people with your lack of creative ability.
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:37 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Darkemostar View Post
@ Sinjob: if you wanted to help you could be nicer! Of course i took a lot of it as an offence because i'm easly offended
Children who are rewarded when they don't deserve it grow up to be douchebags.
Sinjob is helping you way more than the assholes who tell you your poems aren't shit.
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:44 PM   #24
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Question

So, Sinjob, what did the message say?
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Old 08-10-2010, 08:50 PM   #25
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So, Sinjob, what did the message say?

hello jack ass this is not dark emo star its her wonderful and love cousin lady Dewinter I well tell you this now she is not a whore and she is not EMO but she is a beautiful young lady and you my dear ass whole of the year are not what you say you are i bet you have never stripped for anyone and you just sit at home online and watch porn!!! so i well tell you to leave her alone or i well have to show you who and what lady Dewinter is!!!!!!!!

<3333333
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