Threesomes

[in.the.moon]

Me and my boyfriend want to have a threesome and he told me to pick whoever I liked the best so I would feel comfortable with her too...

Any tips on how to "hit on a girl" and how to tell them without it being weird?

[Miss Absynthe]

Seriously?

[in.the.moon]

Why the hell would I joke about this

[Renatus]

Be careful, threesomes can be a death sentence for a relationship.

[in.the.moon]

That does make me a little nervous:/

[Solumina]

Are you actually interested in having a threesome or are you planning to have one because it is something that he wants?

[carakitty]

Yah. This is not something to be taken lightly at all. How much have you and your boyfriend talked about this and planned it out? I can think of so many things that could go wrong with this.

[ape descendant]

IMO, this isn't something that can be forced. If there is some one you would like to invite into your bed, you have to be open and honest with them, then let things unfold organically.

Its also a good idea to have a series of conversations with your SO about things like a possibility of a relationship, how to deal with jealousy, what the limits and boundaries of relationship and sex are, together. Do this BEFORE anything happens.

And please remember that your additional person is not a toy, they're a human being with thoughts and feelings just like you and your SO and deserved to be treated as such. Make sure that you talk with this person about agreed upon limits, boundaries and relationship status BEFORE any sexual contact takes place.

And if I haven't already beat this to death, communicate with each other, make good, reasonable, sane decisions and respect your partners.

Good luck and happy hunting.

[Elystan]

As a girl, you may not realise just how awkward it is to get girls to agree to have sex with you. All three of you need confidence and a particular attitude to make this go down.

Having heard about other guys who've tried to climb this mountain, and having had some faux-bi-curious girlfriends myself, I'm not convinced it happens with any regularity, nearly all the threesome stories I've heard involved spontanaeity and alcohol.

Which all leads me to conclude that my best course of action is to hit on bi girls who already have relationshizzles with girls in the works.

None of that is very helpful to you though, honestly if you really want to do this the quickest and easiest way would be just to get a prostitute, which has the added benefit of everybody knowing where they stand.

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Elystan

Which all leads me to conclude that my best course of action is to hit on bi girls who already have relationshizzles with girls in the works.

Yeah, one of the best things about coming out bi was being asked if I'd want in on a threesome out of the blue by people that make me sick when I try to picture them naked.

Message every bi girl on dating sites asking them to be in on the threesome, it happens so often it must be successful.

[Alan]

I am aware this will sound insensitive:
First he's gotta lose weight.
Also, the most important question is whether you're the one that wants a threesome with another woman and he's 'allowing' it, or he wants it and you're just a cool wife. I say 'allow' in parentheses because almost no man would say no to a threesome, so if those were his words, he's just trying to get the upperhand to something he's already dreamed about. Believe me, I've done it to great results.

[Miss Absynthe]

@Alan - why does he have to lose weight?

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Alan

Also, the most important question is whether you're the one that wants a threesome with another woman and he's 'allowing' it, or he wants it and you're just a cool wife. I say 'allow' in parentheses because almost no man would say no to a threesome, so if those were his words, he's just trying to get the upperhand to something he's already dreamed about. Believe me, I've done it to great results.

Dude, I know you don't have to deal with this kind of thing on a daily basis, but many many bi women have to deal with boyfriends/husbands being freakishly jealous and possessive when they find out.

[Alan]

Wait wait wait, how is it exactly that you claim both that you get propositioned a lot for threesomes just because you're bi, and that you have to deal a lot with freakish jealousy because you're bi?

It's one or the other. Jealousy is jealousy, so does it get exacerbated or ameliorated in your case by being bi? You can't claim it both ways.

[Solumina]

There are a lot of men (and women) who freak out about their partner being bi because they think that if you are attracted to men and women that you need both a man and a woman to be satisfied. Plus there is also a prevalent belief that all bisexuals are rather promiscuous. Also I don't think that she was talking about being constantly propositioned for threesomes by people that she knows or who are interested in a relationship but by people who want casual sex with two women.


In other words people assume that if you are bi that you are up for all sorts of fun, crazy, casual shenanigans, which people you aren't dating tend to think is great but significant others can freak the hell out about (especially men as the thought that a woman could satisfy their girlfriend/wife/whatever can emasculate them).

[Valhalla]

I think you'd be best off waiting until you find a girl you like. Don't actively look for a girl to straight off the bat invite into your bed, because that usually comes off as creepy.

My advice is to join some dating sites (with your intentions clearly stated), or look into the fetish scene in your area. Meet some people, get to know them on friend terms, and see what happens.

Good luck. If you get this far, make sure she's safe and STD free.

Originally Posted by Alan

Wait wait wait, how is it exactly that you claim both that you get propositioned a lot for threesomes just because you're bi, and that you have to deal a lot with freakish jealousy because you're bi?

It's one or the other. Jealousy is jealousy, so does it get exacerbated or ameliorated in your case by being bi? You can't claim it both ways.

It made sense to me. Girl gets asked to become involved in a threesome, boyfriend gets super jealous because she's receiving invitations for sex. Possibly the kind of sex he'd like to be having.

On another note, I resent that you said

or he wants it and you're just a cool wife

Going along with something you're uncomfortable with just because your husband wants it makes you a cool wife?

[Alan]

Who even said that? That's the fucking point, that she's asking how to feel more comfortable with this, so I ask who it is that really wants the threesome.

[Solumina]

So you pretty much asked exactly the same thing that I had already asked, only in a much less clear and understandable way?

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Alan

Wait wait wait, how is it exactly that you claim both that you get propositioned a lot for threesomes just because you're bi, and that you have to deal a lot with freakish jealousy because you're bi?

It's one or the other. Jealousy is jealousy, so does it get exacerbated or ameliorated in your case by being bi? You can't claim it both ways.

Because prejudice only manifests itself in one way ever?

Like Solumina said, a lot of people believe you're a slut because you're bi. A lot of men think their bi/pansexual/queer girlfriends are more likely to cheat because of that. A friend of mine was recently told by her partner that he has a hard time dealing with her sexuality because he feels he can't compete with women, and he expects her to cheat. She's a lot younger than him and the picture of a sweet little virgin, its baffling.

I also take issue with the idea that all men desire to have threesomes with two women. I mean, there's gay men, queer men, conservative men, monogamous men, jealous men, asexual men, and men who might just not fancy it. Frankly I think the assertion that most men are okay with it has a lot to do with most people thinking "bicuriousity" or sex between women mean little or are for the pleasure for men, so its nothing to get jealous over.

[in.the.moon]

Originally Posted by Solumina

Are you actually interested in having a threesome or are you planning to have one because it is something that he wants?

I want to do it as well, sounds like fun to me

"Its also a good idea to have a series of conversations with your SO about things like a possibility of a relationship, how to deal with jealousy, what the limits and boundaries of relationship and sex are, together. Do this BEFORE anything happens."
@A.D: I definitely plan on us talking thoroughly about this, because the last thing I want to happen is for something to go wrong

@Elystan: The ONLY thing appealing about a prosti is the fact that we would never see her again

ALAN: "I am aware this will sound insensitive:
First he's gotta lose weight.
Also, the most important question is whether you're the one that wants a threesome with another woman and he's 'allowing' it, or he wants it and you're just a cool wife."
@Alan: HAHAHAHA, yes, that's his motivation! & like I said before I want to do it too

SAYA: "Dude, I know you don't have to deal with this kind of thing on a daily basis, but many many bi women have to deal with boyfriends/husbands being freakishly jealous and possessive when they find out."
@Saya: It's weird because I was commenting about it and he said that he felt I was getting TOO excited about it and he didn't know how to feel about it

[Alan]

Originally Posted by Solumina

So you pretty much asked exactly the same thing that I had already asked, only in a much less clear and understandable way?

As a matter of fact yes, I thought it was already understood that I was simply reinforcing your question which was overlooked.
But hey, why think that I was backing you up when you can just patronize the way I write the same way Despanan used to call me yoda when he had nothing better to complain about?

[Alan]

Don't hire a prostitute. A threesome is just another form of sex. Are you planning to pay someone to have sex with them or getting someone to have casual sex with them? Same thing with a threesome. You probably won't be asking a close friend to join in (although it might be the easiest and best way to have a threesome depending on how your friends are) but you also don't want someone you don't know for money. If you don't tend to pay just to have sex, don't pay just to have a threesome.

[ape descendant]

Just remember what the door mouse said, "Clean your head, clean your head!"

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by Alan

As a matter of fact yes, I thought it was already understood that I was simply reinforcing your question which was overlooked.
But hey, why think that I was backing you up when you can just patronize the way I write the same way Despanan used to call me yoda when he had nothing better to complain about?

Sorry but your post was poorly worded, unclear, and could easily be read in a way that is kind of offensive so yeah you deserved a little snark.

[Elystan]

Originally Posted by Saya

Yeah, one of the best things about coming out bi was being asked if I'd want in on a threesome out of the blue by people that make me sick when I try to picture them naked.

Message every bi girl on dating sites asking them to be in on the threesome, it happens so often it must be successful.

Dating sites are weak and I'm pretty