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Old 12-06-2010, 05:54 PM   #1
Apathy's_Child
 
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Gnet in the Zombie Apocalypse (featuring the old-timers)

So, a few people done left us lately, which pisses me off as some of my favourite posters have dropped off the radar over the last couple months. Well, you know what? FUCK THEM. We’re the hard core. We can survive anything.

ANYTHING.

(Saya & Sterrn – you’re the oldest old-timers who spring to mind. Congrats, you win first cameos)

CAMERA PANS OVER A BARREN WASTE-LAND: TOTALLED BUILDINGS, SCORCHED TREES, THE WHOLE NINE YARDS. CAMERA COMES TO REST ON WHAT WAS PRESUMABLY ONCE AN ALLEYWAY, NOW LITTERED WITH BROKEN GLASS AND HUMAN LIMBS. APATHY’S CHILD ENTERS, LOOKING RUGGEDLY HANDSOME AND UTTERLY FEARLESS. HE HAS HIS BACK TO THE WALL HE’S MOVING ALONG, TOTING A SAWN-OFF SHOTGUN AS HE SCOPES THE SCENE OUT WARILY. UPON SEEING THE ALLY COMPLETELY DESERTED, HE DROPS THE HAND HOLDING THE SHOTGUN TO HIS SIDE, LOOKS AROUND, AND LEAPS HEADFIRST INTO A DUMPSTER. GRUNTING SOUNDS ARE HEARD AND HE EMERGES A FEW SECONDS LATER, WIELDING HALF A MOLDY BIG-MAC WITH AN AIR OF VICTORY.

Apathy’s Child: HAHAHAHA!! Oh SURE, there’s no food supply left, Apathy –we gotta get out of the CITY, Apathy! SUCK IT, bitchezz! [tears into Big-Mac voraciously, speaking through a mouthful] Home is TOTALLY where the heart is.

APATHY LOOKS UP QUICKLY AS SOUNDS ARE HEARD OFFSCREEN. HE GIVES THE HALF-BIG MAC ONE LAST MEANINGFUL, WINSOME LOOK LIKE A LOVER HE’LL NEVER SEE AGAIN BEFORE DROPPING IT AND SNAPPING TO ATTENTION, POINTING THE SHOTGUN TOWARD THE SOUNDS. HE PEERS SUSPICIOUSLY OVER THE RIM OF THE DUMPSTER AS SAYA ENTERS.

Apathy’s Child:... Saya?

Saya: [looking around until she finally sees him] Oh my god, Apathy! You’re alive! [he climbs out of the dumpster and she runs over and, understandably, falls on him and starts rubbing against him suggestively] I thought you were DEAD! The way you courageously compromised your own safety to lead that group of zombies away from the rest of us –

Apathy’s Child: [extricating himself manfully from her adoring grasp] Now, now – you know it makes me uncomfortable when people remind me of the magnitude of my own courage. It’s a pet peeve of mine; please, try to respect it.

Saya: [firmly undeterred] But you’re a hero!

Apathy’s Child: [tossing head] Well, that’s undeniable. But I’m also a deeply modest man, and you’re embarrassing me. [firmly] Now, please, try to refrain from talking so much about how I basically saved the lives of everyone in Gnet when its headquarters were besieged by undead.

Saya: [stepping towards him with a look of intent] Apathy... there’s something I need to tell you.

Apathy’s Child: [putting a finger to her lips firmly as the atmosphere thickens] Saya, I know what you’re going to say. And believe me, you’re far from the first woman to say it. But the undead are increasing in number, and there’s a good chance many of the Gnet old-timers are already dead. I’m sorry, I truly am, but I don’t have time to plow you right now.

Saya: But...!

Apathy’s Child: [strictly] I’m SORRY. [pause] Maybe when this is over, we could... you know. Although I should warn you that I don’t like to kiss on the mouth. Although I DO like to hit my sexual partners in the face and call them filthy fuckin’ whores while I fill them with my liquid redemption.

Saya:...

Apathy’s Child: I’d also appreciate it if you could wear something made of leather. Y’know, boots, gloves, mini-dress... shit, I ain’t no tyrant. It’s totally up to you. I’m ALL for wimmins bein’ independent and all that jazz.

Saya: Oh, thank you, master! [drops to the ground and licks his feet passionately. Stops suddenly when a terrible crashing is heard offstage and leaps up fearfully, cowering behind the manly fortress of protection provided by the Adonis-like brick shithouse that is Apathy’s physique, as the sounds grow closer]

ENTER STERRN, WHO, BEING IRISH, IS NATURALLY DRUNK FOR NO REASON.

Sterrn: Sure, bejibbers and bejabbers! Where’s me Oirish cream, I’ve a terrible hankerin’!

Saya: Sternn? Oh my god, it’s Sternn! He’s still alive!

Apathy’s Child: Sterrn, did you get... MORE Irish?

Sterrn: [swivelling bleary but furious eyes around] How dare ye! I’ve always bin a Paddy troo an’ troo! Ye troi’in to say I weren’t always Oirish? Ye BASTARD!! [takes a swing at thin air; spins in a circle and falls over]

Saya: ... ‘Kay, but seriously, dude – DID you? Only, you know – when you start pronouncing Irish, “Oirish”... I’m just sayin’.

Sterrn: [still sitting on the ground, getting worked up] Sure I got more Orisih. Had to, didn’t I? The zombies slaughtered all me people! There’s no one else to carry the flag for the poor ol’ Emerald Isle now! [gets to feet unsteadily, muttering] Zombies. Worse than the feckin’ English.

Saya:... Dude. Aren’t you from the States?

Sternn: [turning on her with a roar] HOW DARE YE!

Saya: [nonplussed] Right... but AREN’T you?

Sternn: ... Oh, just feck off. [plops down on ass moodily and starts sketching a four-leaf clover in the dirt with a stick] Sure, there’s only one place ye can be truly Oirish, an’ that’s in HERE! [strikes own chest hard enough to make the other two wince, and Apathy pulls his hand away compassionately, trying to pull the dead weight to its feet]

Apathy’s Child: Dude, c’mon – you’d better come with us.

Sternn: [laughing crazily] With YE! Oh, that’s a great one, sure!

Apathy’s Child: I’m serious, man. The undead are all around us. They could be anywhere. Safety in numbers, right? [looks to Saya for confirmation and is forced to remove her agreeing hand from his ass]

Sterrn: [taking random swings at nothing, still sitting on his ass on the ground] Get your feckin’ imperialist hands off me! Ye can take our loives, but ye’ll never take out freedom!

Saya: Dude, that’s Braveheart. That’s a TOTALLY different country. 'Sides which, no one's TOUCHING you.

Sterrn: [giving her an extremely adamant and Irish finger accompanied by a baleful glare] FECK YE, YE MUFF-DOIVIN’ BITCH!!

Saya: [indignantly] What, so attention to detail equals lesbianism?! Why you misogynistic, heterocentric –

Apathy’s Child: [ever the peacemaker] Now, now, Sterrn – that statement was both presumptuous and offensive. Just because a woman has an opinion of her own, doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy taking a rod so far down her throat she’d choke if she weren’t too busy making sure YOU’RE enjoying the experience.

Saya: [with a grateful stare at Apathy] I am SO hot for you right now.

Apathy’s Child: [with a magnanimous sigh] I know, baby. But PLEASE, give me a minute. I’m try’na save the world here.

Saya: [nodding bravely, her eyes brightening with tears of sexual frustration] I know. But you’re just so damn HARD to resist sometimes...

Apathy’s Child: [guiltily] I don’t mean to be. I swear, it’s not deliberate, the way I exude irresistibility.

AC’S UNIFYING MESSAGE OF PEACE IS INTERRUPTED BY ZOMBIE GROANS OFFSCREEN, BUT CLOSE BY. HE AND SAYA RAISE THEIR EYES SLOWLY TOWARDS THE OMINOUS SOUNDS WHILE STERRN CONTINUES TO TAKE UNCOORDINATED SWINGS AT THIN AIR FROM HIS SITTING POSITION ON THE GROUND.

Sterrn: Feckin’ English bastards!!

Apathy’s Child: [to Saya] You armed?

Saya: Sorta - I’ve got this [produces pen from shirt pocket].

Apathy’s Child: ...

Saya: It’s okay, I’m limber. I’ve got your back.

Apathy’s Child: [raising eyes doubtfully from the pen] You sure?

Saya: [bravely] Don’t worry about me. Got you covered. The question is, what do we do about HIM. [nods at Sterrn, who’s still grappling with thin air while grunting about abortion laws and faith schools]

Apathy’s Child: ... I’ve got an idea. [to the poor unfortunate on the ground] Hey, Sterrn! Sterrn! We’re on a protest march, Sterrn! We gotta fight The Man!

Sterrn: [with a very Irish perversity, suddenly stops fighting oxygen and goes slack] Nooo! I’m TOIRED OUT! The English have won. They’ve already tekken me poor auld Emerald Isle. I can’t fight them any more... these auld bones are givin’ out under me... [lies down hard with a THUNK, sighing dramatically]

Apathy’s Child: No, Sterrn, you don’t get it, dude. These guys ain’t no English. These are REPUBLICANS.

STERRN’S EYES SNAP OPEN WHERE HE’S LYING ON THE GROUND.

Apathy’s Child: [whispering] REPUBLICANS, Sterrn.

STERRN LEAPS TO HIS FEET AND CHARGES OFFSTAGE TOWARD THE ZOMBIES WITH A JOYFUL WAR-CRY.

tbc
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Old 12-06-2010, 07:57 PM   #2
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This is the greatest thing ever.
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Old 12-06-2010, 08:11 PM   #3
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Apathy's Child. You will be my black ops.
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Old 12-07-2010, 02:20 AM   #4
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I appreciate it, guys, but you should prob'ly hang fire until you read your own appearances (which are actually scheduled for the next installment). No one knows what will happen, but we can surmise from above opener that the parody will be razor-sharp and the whole thing, let's face it, freakin' awesome. Plus that Apathy's Child character is just so goddamn handsome, it's worth following just for him.

Will you be heroes, villains, gurus, or fools? Tune in next time I get bored enough to shit out another installment!
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Old 12-07-2010, 03:13 AM   #5
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He is handsome. Now I'm all horny. Thanks a lot -_-
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Old 12-07-2010, 02:28 PM   #6
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Scene 2

SHOT CUTS TO THE NEARBY MAIN STREET, WHERE EIGHT OR NINE ZOMBIES ARE ROOTING AROUND THE TRASH CANS, LIMBS AND BENCHES, WHICH SURROUND A BUS SHELTER. ON TOP OF THIS ARE KONTAN AND DESPANAN, SITTING SIDE BY SIDE WITH THEIR KNEES DRAWN UP. THE ZOMBIES ARE SNARLING AND EVERY NOW AND AGAIN ONE OF THEM TRIES TO CLIMB THE SIDE OF THE SHELTER BEFORE FALLING BACK DOWN AND RESUMING THEIR ROOTING.

Despanan: I got one, I got one – Neil Gaiman and Nico Paffgen!

Kontan:[listlessly] Yeah, that’s a good one.

Despanan: Good? GOOD? Come on, those kids would be EPIC. [pause] You go.

Kontan: I don’t wanna.

Despanan: [pause] Rock paper scissors?

Kontan: Nah.

Despanan: C’mon Kontan. I’m doing my BEST to keep our spirits up. But you are not exactly playing ball here.

Kontan: [impatiently] Look, I’m TRYING. But these lame-ass diversions are not helping my headspace at ALL, man – in fact, they’re having the total fuckin’ opposite effect. We’ve played like fifty rounds of rock paper scissors, named every possible combination of couples who would have badass children, re-enacted the whole of the Star Wars’ trilogy line-by-line – INCLUDING Luke and Leia’s illicit kiss –

Despanan: [turning on him angrily] Goddamnit, K! That was a MOMENT OF INSANITY– we were so bored, it was that or gnaw off our own feet, and we swore we would NEVER bring it up again!

Kontan: [growing hysterical] And I haven’t, have I?! I’ve kept our filthy little secret, Desp! But there’s only so much a man can take, and I can’t carry the burden of what happened between us any longer!

Despanan: [nonplussed pause] Dude, it’s been like fifteen minutes.

Kontan: [angrily] Well that’s – ! [pauses, thinking] Really?

Despanan: Really.

Kontan: [doubtfully] No way.

Despanan: Way.

Kontan: ... Huh. Feels like I’ve been living with that for friggin’ YEARS. [they
lapse into silence. A zombie tries to climb the shelter, snarling, and Despanan kicks it off hard, thudding it to the ground as Kontan puts his chin on his knees despondently]

Kontan: This isn’t like I thought it’d be.

Despanan: [clapping him on the shoulder with a sigh] I know, guy. Me neither.

Kontan: All the ancient texts said that if we summoned the zombie god KammadinniBOOOYAH, he’d totally do our bidding. Not ONE of them mentioned the possibility that he’d break the enchanted binding circle by pulling out his junk and pissing on the chalk lines, hightail it out of your mom’s summer house, and start the cunting APOCALYPSE.

Despanan: No one could’ve seen that coming.

Kontan: Your mom did. She TOTALLY warned us it’d end in tears. [hugs knees and rests chin on forearms] Man, this sucks out loud - I wish we’d listened to her.

Despanan: [growing angry] FUCK that bitch! I do what I want!

Kontan: Okay, okay, chill. I’m just sayin’, when I imagined bringing about the end of days, I just pictured it being – cooler, y’know? Like we’d be sitting on KammadinniBOOOYAH’s shoulder pointing out people we don’t like so he could zombify them for our army of the dead. The eternal servitude and degrading enslavement of our enemies. THAT’S the kind of thing I had in mind.

Despanan: [growing nostalgic at the thought] Yeah. Like making Jilly bring me Coke mixed with the blood of union workers, and Nike shoes soaked in the sweat of Burmese orphans, WHENEVER I want. [grins] And if Jilly was bringin’ it, I’d want it a LOT. I’d spend every minute of the DAY pissing if I had to. It’d be so worth it.

Kontan: Exactly. Or having our army of the dead chase Fruitbat into an abandoned warehouse, and watching them hunt her down like a rat in a maze through videolink over a couple of beers. Oh man, that would rule so hard. [sighs moodily] I’ll be straight with you – if I’d known this’d end with us crouched on top of a bus shelter, hiding out like all the other douchebags while KammadinniBOOOYAH just tears around stomping colons without us, I’d probably have said let’s just hang out and play Final Fantasy instead.

Despanan: [impatiently] Awww, c’mon now, would you man the fuck up? Jeez, dude. Moping isn’t gonna help us. You’re totally dumping on MY mood now..

Kontan: [sarcastically] Oh, I’M sorry. I can’t imagine what’s wrong with me. Look at me, sittin’ here killin’ your buzz like a big jerk, when there’s ALL THIS to smile about. [gestures around at the scorched buildings and stray limbs]

Despanan: Oh, for the love of... Look. Just QUIT moaning like a little girl!

Kontan:[finally getting pissed off] Screw you, bitch! This is all your fault! If you hadn’t drawn the binding circle in fucking CHALK, none of this would’ve happened!

Despanan: WHAT?!

Kontan: YOU heard me! That’s the ONE THING you gotta do, and you can’t even pull together enough sense to use a cunting permanent marker?!

Despanan: Whoa, whoa! YOU’RE the one who was all “Hey, let’s raise one of the dark elders to do our bidding”, dickwad!

Kontan: Yeah, and YOU wanted KammadinniBOOOYAH! I TOLD you he was too powerful, but you said you would totally ruin his shit if he even LOOKED at you wrong! You said you knew karate!

Despanan: Fuck you, asshole!

Kontan: No! Nonono! Fuck YOU, asshole!!

THEY SCUFFLE, SLAPPING AT EACH OTHER BLINDLY AND PULLING HAIR LIKE 8 YR OLD GIRLS, MAKING THE BUS SHELTER SHAKE. HOWEVER THEY FREEZE WHEN THE SOUND OF A HUMAN VOICE IS HEARD OFFSCREEN, MEETING EACH OTHER’S GAZE IN WIDE-EYED HOPE AS THE SOUND DRAWS CLOSER.
STERNN ENTERS SWINGING

Sternn: Feckin’ Republicans! Feckin’ obese, obnoxious, abortion hatin’, English bastards! AND YE CAN SHOVE YER PROTESTANT HOODOO WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHOINE AN’ ALL!! [knocks 4 or 5 zombies aside as he tears through their midst roaring this]

APATHY AND SAYA ENTER RIGHT BEHIND HIM. APATHY PISTOL-WHIPS THREE ZOMBIES INTO TOTAL PUSSIFIED SUBMISSION WITH A SINGLE SWING IN A MOVE SO BADASS THAT CREAM OOZES FROM SAYA’S PANTIES. SHE FLICKS IT IN THE EYES OF A ZOMBIE, BLINDING IT, THEN BRANDISHES HER PEN AND STABS IT IN THE HEAD WITH A BLOOD-CURDLING WAR CRY. A SECOND ZOMBIE GRABS HER AROUND THE NECK AS IT FALLS AND THEY GRAPPLE.

Apathy: [pointing shotgun at the zombie fighting with Saya] Saya, duck!

Saya: No way! I got this one! I’m strong, and independent, and just as capable as any man!

Apathy: Dude, no one said you weren’t – but you’re fighting with a ball point pen, and I’m holding a shotgun. Would you just fucking duck already?!

Saya: Nuh-uh! Quit subjugating me!

Apathy: [sighing] Look, duck, and I’ll let you blow me for as long as you want when this is over. [she thinks about this for a second, then hits the deck so fast the zombie looks around blinking with confusion, before Apathy blows its head off. As it falls, he spits on the ground like Clint fucking Eastwood, and Kontan and Despanan erupt involuntarily into cheers. Apathy looks up in surprise as Sternn and Saya continue fighting in the background]

Apathy: Kontan and Desp! Awesome! You made it too!

Despanan: Shit, yeah! We fought our way up here after we got out of... Gnet headquarters. Figured a high vantage point was our best bet for scoping out whether anyone else got away.

Apathy: Oh, man, this is so sweet. Looks like there are gonna be TONS of survivors once we check the area properly. [frowns suddenly] Wait – you guys were in the Gnet building when the zombies first attacked?

Despanan: [caught in the lie, kicking self] Uhh, yeah. Sure.

Apathy: Really? Only we were all wondering why you guys didn’t show up at headquarters that day. We were actually talking about it right when the first couple of them came busting in.

Despanan: We were... in the bathroom.

Apathy: Right. [pause] Just the two of you?

Despanan: ... Sure.

Apathy: But dude, it was like eleven thirty when the zombies attacked. What the hell’d you been doing since nine?

Despanan: Um... talking?

Apathy: ... Talking?

Despanan: Yep.

Apathy: In the bathroom.

Despanan: [beat] Uh-huh.

Apathy: ‘Kay. [shrugs] I figured maybe you’d just, y’know, gotten stuck in traffic, then made a quick pit-stop on your way upstairs when you DID get in.

Despanan:... oh.. yeah... that would’ve made more sense.

Apathy: [shrugging] Hey, whatever, guys. Didn’t mean to pry or anything. Just... glad everyone’s okay.

Despanan: [starting defensively] We weren’t -

Apathy: [holding up hands] Hey, you don’t owe ME an explanation. I mind my own yard. What two consenting adults -

K: [blurting convulsively] I was Luke! DESP was Leia! [Despanan kicks him hard, hissing at him in a low voice]

Despanan: The fuck is WRONG with you?!

Kontan: [hissing back] I think he knows, Desp! He KNOWS about the Star Wars kiss - he’s judging me with his eyes!

Despanan: It’s all in your head! Now come ON, man, pull yourself together!

Saya: Neeeee-YAH!!! [in the foreground, Saya tackles the final zombie hard onto its back, she and Sternn having taken out the others during the conversation. However as she raises the pen to destroy its brain, it speaks with a human voice]

Zombie: Whoa, whoa! No stabbie! It’s me! I’m one of you!

Saya: Bullshit!

Zombie: No, I swear!

Apathy: [getting a proper look then whooshing over like Batman, grabbing the arm holding the pen and dragging her to her feet] Saya, don’t! He’s alive!
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Old 12-07-2010, 06:17 PM   #7
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I was laughing pretty hard until I realized, that is how I normally court men. Its like you have peered into the depths of my soul, sir.
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Old 12-07-2010, 06:35 PM   #8
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Pretty badass. Waiting to find out who the alive zombie is.
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Old 12-07-2010, 07:47 PM   #9
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This, basically. A_C, you're really good, man. Really good.
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Old 12-07-2010, 11:19 PM   #10
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This is the greatest thing ever.
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Old 12-07-2010, 11:30 PM   #11
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Desp, why you gotta be so gay?
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Old 12-08-2010, 12:45 AM   #12
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Thanks guys. I figured that after three years of rolling into Lit and declaring that everyone sucks, I should prob'ly post something. But I didn't want to give away the copyright on anything good that I might wind up using someday, so I figured I'd write something just for you guys. It's been a fun way of making it through the long periods of nothin' at work.
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Old 12-08-2010, 04:20 AM   #13
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It's really entertaining actually.
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Old 12-08-2010, 08:08 AM   #14
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Give up the copywright? Who with a what now?
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Old 12-08-2010, 08:20 AM   #15
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A lot of places won't take poems, short stories etc., that've been published online, and count posting to a web forum as publishing. "Giving up the copyright" was the wrong turn of phrase - what I mean is, I've just gotten in the habit of never posting anything I think I may wind up doing something with. Which is pretty much anything I don't delete the next day for being irredeemably shit.
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Old 12-08-2010, 08:26 AM   #16
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Ahh okay. Gotcha. You had me worried for a second.
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Old 12-08-2010, 08:28 AM   #17
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Nah, only thing you need to worry about is me kicking your ass once I found out it was you & Kontan who summoned KammadinniBOOOYAH.
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Old 12-08-2010, 08:41 AM   #18
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I like how it's our fault. I would totally unleash Zombies on Gnet for the Lulz.

One note thought, I would've added these lines:


Kontan: Yeah, and YOU wanted KammadinniBOOOYAH! I TOLD you he was too powerful, but you said you would totally ruin his shit if he even LOOKED at you wrong! You said you knew karate!

Despanan: I do know karate!

Kontan: No you don't!

Despanan: Fuck you, asshole!

Kontan: No! Nonono! Fuck YOU, asshole!!
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Old 12-08-2010, 08:43 AM   #19
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Whoa! I just now saw this. Good show!
These kind of stories are more riveting when populated with member names.

Do what you will with my doppelganger.
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Old 12-08-2010, 09:03 AM   #20
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Part 3

Saya: Apathy, I’m the first to admit you’re both jaw-droppingly beautiful and always right about everything, but – he’s fucking GREEN!

Apathy: I know! LOOK at him. Don’t you recognize him?

THEY ALL LOOK AT THE GREEN-FACED ZOMBIE AS HE SUDDENLY FLIPS HIS HEAD OVER ONE SIDE AND COUGHS UP BLOOD, HACKING LIKE PARIS HILTON IN THAT ONE EPISODE OF SOUTH PARK. SAYA’S EYES WIDEN IN ASTONISHMENT.

Saya: JACK?!

Jack: The one and only. [finishes hacking with a slavering sound like a blocked u-bend] Oh, man... I feel like crap – holy FUCK, the undead know how to party! I haven’t slept in like four days!

Apathy: You look... wow.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, tell me about it. I don’t even wanna THINK about the shit I’ve put inside this piece of junk [thumps own chest] since the undead took over. [looks around hopefully] Anyone got any drugs?

Apathy: Dude. You’re DECOMPOSING.

Jack: Guess not. [sighs] Booze?

Saya: [disapprovingly] BOOZE? Jack, your fucking face is falling off!

Jack: [defensively] So? Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a lil’ sip o’ somethin’...

Apathy: You’re GREEN! I’m not even being metaphorical or anything, you are literally GREEN!

Jack: Jeez, all right already! Look, if you’re gonna be a dick about it, at LEAST quit holding out on me, huh? I know goddamn well you’re packing, now spread the wealth.

Apathy: [lets out a defeated sigh of frustration – pulls out a hip flask and hands it to Jack] DON’T drink it all.

Jack: [glugging as quickly as he can] It’s my body! You mind your own goddamn business!

Apathy: Fuck your body, it’s MY whiskey! GIVE IT! [grabs the flask back and drains the rest before tossing the dregs to Sternn, who, being Irish, is practically begging for it like a dog] So, spill – how the fuck did you end up hanging out with the undead?

Jack: Well, it’s kind of a blur. I was already drunk that morning when they showed up at headquarters... my grandma’s eightieth birthday the night before, remember? [shakes head] Lemme tell ya, you think I can hold a drink, you wanna see HER in action. It sure is something to behold when she gets her party head on. She’s fucking magnificent. I felt like a pig shat on my head the next morning.

Saya: [remembering] THAT’S right! You walked straight in to headquarters looking like shit, threw up in the corner of the room, tossed all the jackets in a big pile and went to sleep!

Jack: Yeah. And when I woke up, you guys had all disappeared – oh yeah, thanks for the wake-up call, by the way - and there were goddamn zombies all around me. And limbs. Lots of limbs.

Apathy: Any idea who’s dead and who’s not?

Jack: I dunno, man. Mostly just a hand here, half a leg there, that kinda shit. Oh, I AM pretty sure I saw Catch’s head rolling around, though.

THEY PAUSE SOBERLY FOR A MOMENT, THEN SHRUG AS ONE AND CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION AS THOUGH NOTHING HAPPENED.

Saya: So what did you do?

Jack: Shit, there wasn’t much I could do. I managed to get up, but I was WAY too hungover to run, so I just kinda staggered over towards the door. They didn’t exactly chase me, though. They just sorta... staggered WITH me. I think I must have looked so godawful, they just figured me for one of them.

Apathy: So you’ve just been hanging out with them ever since?

Jack: [shrugging] Hey, I figured it beat getting my entrails eaten.

Apathy: ... Fair enough. [looks around at them all, exuding the tense, manly authority of a really shit-hot spy] We better get moving. It’ll be dark soon. We’ll need to find somewhere safe to hole up for the night, then tomorrow we start searching for other survivors. [leads the way offstage, cutting an eminently dashing figure, as the others follow in obedient awe. Despanan and Kontan are last]

Despanan: [whispering] Okay, just let ME do all the talking.

Kontan: [whispering back indignantly] Then stop making it sound like we’re secretly humping!

Despanan: [rolling eyes] Oh, great. Homophobia – real nice, K.

Kontan: It’s nothing to do with homophobia – you’re making us sound like fuckin’ WEIRDOS! Gay OR straight, who the hell spends two and a half hours screwing in the TOILETS, in their place of WORK, at nine in the friggin’ morning?!

Despanan: Fuck you, asshole!

Kontan: Fuck YOU, asshole!!

THEY FLAIL AT EACH OTHER LIKE 8 YR OLD GIRLS AGAIN FOR A FEW SECONDS, THEN FOLLOW THE OTHERS.

Funny how people are commenting in more or less the same order they're appearing - coincidence only.
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Old 12-08-2010, 09:07 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by Despanan View Post
I like how it's our fault. I would totally unleash Zombies on Gnet for the Lulz.

One note thought, I would've added these lines:


Kontan: Yeah, and YOU wanted KammadinniBOOOYAH! I TOLD you he was too powerful, but you said you would totally ruin his shit if he even LOOKED at you wrong! You said you knew karate!

Despanan: I do know karate!

Kontan: No you don't!

Despanan: Fuck you, asshole!

Kontan: No! Nonono! Fuck YOU, asshole!!
Yeah, I've seen a few things I'd change on a read-back. Oddly enough that was one - I wished I'd had you try to prove your mad karate skillz and nearly fall off the bus shelter in the process, with Kontan refusing to help you up until you to say HE'S the brains of the op and the apocalypse IS all your fault. I'm currently shitting these things out in like 20-30 minutes at work then posting, but maybe I'll start sitting on them for a day. Flaws are way easier to pick out with a little distance.
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Old 12-08-2010, 09:08 AM   #22
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You know, the dialogue in this is rather good.

Do you have an acting or theatre background Apathy? Or are you just good at it?
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Quote:
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I have chugged more than ten epic boners.
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Old 12-08-2010, 09:09 AM   #23
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I'm just shit-hot.
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Witches have no wit, said the magician who was weak.
Hula, hula, said the witches. - Norman Mailer
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Old 12-08-2010, 11:21 AM   #24
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wait..so jack is literally a zombie? or is he just in such bad shape from the drugs that he's indistinguishable from a zombie?
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I promote radical change through my actions.
Quote:
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I have chugged more than ten epic boners.
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Old 12-08-2010, 11:27 AM   #25
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cool story bro just be carful with the language. i haev a job 2 do here so don't talk about moms or gays or dedmoms.

also: Vegeta should be a character. he culd pwn som zombie A$$!
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