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Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books.

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Old 12-10-2010, 03:16 PM   #51
Geoluhread
 
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What about Jillian, Honey Thorn, Solumina? =P
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Old 12-10-2010, 04:44 PM   #52
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I am amused by this.

It's not as far off as I'd think, except I'd never say "ain't" or "sex poem."
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Old 12-10-2010, 06:07 PM   #53
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He's pretty accurate, though his caricatures of us tend to make it inaccurate. I think it's pretty entertaining.
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Old 12-10-2010, 06:25 PM   #54
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I'd never say "ain't" or "sex poem."
Oh really?
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Old 12-10-2010, 06:42 PM   #55
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I know you all... BETTER THAN YOU KNOW YOURSELVES.

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He's pretty accurate, though his caricatures of us tend to make it inaccurate. I think it's pretty entertaining.
Actually, you and Desp are the hardest ones. All the people who made it are ones with something about their personality it's easy to parody (which, to answer Geo, is why some people just aren't in it, although it'll be easy to toss in small parts later if I change my mind). Since you guys parody yourselves constantly anyway, the only thing I can really do is have your characters troll everyone all the time.

Don't worry though, I have a plan.
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Old 12-10-2010, 06:48 PM   #56
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Survey says: BA-ZING!!!
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Old 12-10-2010, 06:51 PM   #57
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Survey says: BA-ZING!!!
*Bro-Pound*

[To Apathy] Shoot her.
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Old 12-10-2010, 06:58 PM   #58
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I haven't decided whether to kill anyone yet, and if so, how. There's a loose storyline but a lot is still up for grabs. Man, I wish Creature was still here. My hatred for her was so strong it was practically a physical sensation.
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Old 12-10-2010, 07:06 PM   #59
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This just makes me sad, wish i had joined years ago so i could be parodied. oh well, i will still read them faithfully.
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Old 12-10-2010, 07:09 PM   #60
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when am i gonna mae an apperance?
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Old 12-10-2010, 07:11 PM   #61
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This just makes me sad, wish i had joined years ago so i could be parodied. oh well, i will still read them faithfully.
Really? In that case I've been way too kind to the people who do appear.

I can't help it. I just can't stay mad at Sternn.

EDIT: don't worry, Goku, you'll have appeared in two separate roles by the time the whole thing's over.
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Old 12-10-2010, 07:21 PM   #62
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It's more than I want to be apart of your story. As you stated prior to this, it is like you know them better than they themselves, to be parodied, it is much like a roast, and i would love to have made such an impact on your life to know you think about me on your spare time. lol, i just made this shit creepy lol. sry
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Old 12-10-2010, 08:57 PM   #63
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I stand erected.
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Old 12-11-2010, 03:42 AM   #64
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It's more than I want to be apart of your story. As you stated prior to this, it is like you know them better than they themselves, to be parodied, it is much like a roast, and i would love to have made such an impact on your life to know you think about me on your spare time. lol, i just made this shit creepy lol. sry
Haha. Honestly, I just get really, REALLY bored at work. A 9 hr shift = 6-7 hrs of nothing. There's a computer. Sometimes shit like this happens.
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Old 12-11-2010, 06:53 AM   #65
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I love this. Especially the character potential.
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Old 12-11-2010, 07:32 PM   #66
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Angelic Dissonance2 would take a zombie's head in his hand and smash it open on a wall, fill his home-made marker with it's blood, and graffiti sigils on railroad cars to summon Cthulhu. CTHULHU FHTAGN!!!!!!

After this, he'd just be all bad-ass and good-looking, and do it elsewhere from anyone not as cool. He has his own mini-comic.

Yay for teh wizard.
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Old 12-12-2010, 03:19 PM   #67
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Apathy, hurry up!

I've been checkin' up on this one specific thread all freaking weekend, just because I want to know what happens next -_-
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Old 12-12-2010, 05:15 PM   #68
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SHOT OF THE SUN COMING UP OVER THE WRECKED SKYLINE OF THE RUINED CITY. CUT TO INSIDE A DISUSED WAREHOUSE. CAMERA PANS OVER THE SURVIVORS STREWN ACROSS THE FLOOR, SLEEPING. STERNN IS SUCKING HIS THUMB NOISILY AND MUTTERING “TO BE SURE” AND “FECK” AT 5-SECOND INTERVALS. SAYA IS FINGERING HERSELF AND MURMURING, “UHHH... APATHY... NO... WON’T... LET... OPHIE... STEAL... SEE THAT BITCH IN HELL FIRST... OHHHHH... MOST BEAUTIFUL BALL-SACK I EVER SAW....” KONTAN AND DESPANAN ARE CURLED AROUND EACH OTHER LIKE KITTENS. JACK IS WHIMPERING IN HIS SLEEP AND OCCASIONALLY SWIPING AT THE AIR IN FRONT OF HIM. AS THE SHOT COMES TO REST ON HIM, THE WHIMPERING GATHERS IN MOMENTUM UNTIL HE BOLTS UPRIGHT, SHRIEKING.

APATHY STANDS UP QUICKLY AND WE REALIZE THAT INSTEAD OF SLEEPING THROUGH THE APOCALYPSE LIKE A PUSSY, HE HAS BEEN SITTING IN THE SHADOWS BY THE WINDOW, PICKING OFF PASSING ZOMBIES WITH THE SHOTGUN IN BETWEEN BROODING MANFULLY. TO ANSWER THE QUESTION OF WHY THIS DOESN’T WAKE THE OTHERS, THE SHOTGUN NOW HAS A SILENCER: CLEARLY, HE HAS BECOME EVEN MORE AWESOME SINCE THE LAST SCENE. AT THIS RATE HE’LL HAVE A FLAME-THROWER BY THE CLIMAX. OH MAN, THAT WOULD BE SO FRIGGIN’ SWEET. NOTE TO SELF: APATHY GETS A FLAME-THROWER FOR BEING SO DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME.

APATHY RUNS OVER AS THE OTHERS WAKE ABRUPTLY, TERRIFIED AT THE SOUND OF JACK’S SCREAMS. KONTAN AND DESPANA JUMP INTO EACH OTHER’S ARMS LIKE SCOOBY DOO.

Despanan: The FUCK?! Zombies get in?

Apathy: No, no, everything’s fine – Jack just had a nightmare. [approaches Jack, whose eyes are rolling like a spooked horse] You awake now, dude?

Jack: Where the fuck am I?!

Apathy: We’re in the disused warehouse, remember?

Jack: [looking around wildly, then slumping as he calms and remembers] Oh, yeah... kinda.

Kontan: [indignantly] SHIT, Jack! You can’t just go around having nightmares in the middle of the freakin’ APOCALYPSE!

Apathy: It’s the drugs and alcohol leaving his system.

Kontan: I don’t give a rat’s ass! I’m ALREADY a fuckin’ nervous wreck – last thing I need is some goddamn JUNKIE detoxing all over my shit!

Saya: Oh, shut up, Kontan. He can’t help it. ‘Sides, he looks sober now. [looks at Jack] You sober, dude?

Jack: [clutches temple] UGHHHHH... GOD... I wish I had a time-machine so I could go back and stab the bitch whore who shat me out in this hell-hole of a world!

Saya: [turning back to Kontan] See? He’s sober.

Kontan: Whoop-de-friggin’-do!!

Apathy: [as Jack quakes, covering ears desperately throughout Kontan’s yells] Go easy on him, K. In fairness, it’s a really shitty feeling. I can’t count the number of times I’ve woken up cursing whatever hippie midwife slapped my butt to start me breathing instead of quietly, mercifully pressing down on my fontanelle. [pulls out a spare hip flask and tosses it to Jack] Heads up.

JACK CATCHES IT – JUST – BUT HIS HANDS ARE SHAKING TOO HARD TO UNSCREW THE CAP. SAYA WATCHES SMUGLY.

Saya: Help ya out with that, lil’ lady? [Jack holds it out to her, eyes so hungry with jonesing it’s clear he has absolutely zero pride left]

Kontan: [face dropping as he realizes what’s about to happen] Don’t let her, Jack! C’mere, I’LL do it! She’ll NEVER let you forget it!

Jack: You mean she’ll never let YOU forget it. [to Saya] Saya, I would be eternally in your debt, darlin’.

Kontan: You can’t!

Jack: [shrugging] Hey, you yelled at me right after I woke up on the comedown from hell. [shakes head, steely eyes glinting at Kontan] NOT cool. [passes bottle to Saya, who unscrews it and hands in back with a rapturous expression of magnanimity as Kontan dives for it]

Kontan: NOOOOOOO!! [too late; Jack is glugging. Kontan glares at him] You’re a fuckin’ dead man, Jack! Do you realize what you’ve done?!

Jack: [draining the flask and letting Sternn, in full Irish mode, snatch it from his hand and carry it into the corner where he crouches over it, growling like a dog as Jack drags the back of a hand across his mouth.] Yep. I in my weakened state let Saya open a tricky bottle for ME, a man, using sheer. Brute. Strength. [grins as Kontan visibly wilts at hearing the words spoken aloud] Man, that’s gotta sting. You know, I don’t think she’s EVER gonna come down from that cloud she’s on right now. [smirks at Saya, who’s doing an ecstatic victory dance around Kontan]

Kontan: [glaring murderously at Jack] I will betray you the FISRT CHANCE I GET. The second I get the opportunity to fuck you over... shove you out of a window, unlock the door to let you in just a LITTLE too slow when the undead are on your tail...

Jack: [now swaying slightly] Eh, the fuck do I care? I’m drunk again. [grins up at him]

Kontan: [turning on Apathy] Yeah, and WHY is he drunk?! The fuck are you doing giving him whiskey? [Apathy is glugging on another hip flask produced from his pocket, which is apparently some kind of Narnia from which alcohol can be continually produced at will] I’m not just asking because it makes him happy and I OBVIOUSLY now want him to suffer – you gotta admit, from a practical point of view, it doesn’t make sense! We all gotta be sharp!

Apathy: [finishing his own flask and grinning lop-sidedly] Sure it makes sense. You just saw what he’d be like sober – worse than useless. You ever see that one movie, End of Days, with Arnold Schwarzeneggar? [hiccups] Man, that movie SUCKED. In EVERY way. The hot chick wasn’t even hot. But the DUMBEST thing about it [raises a finger adamantly] is: okay, so Schwarzeneggar’s supposed to be an alcoholic, right? And the FIRST THING he does, when he finds out the Devil’s about to rise and bring about Hell on Earth, is, get this – QUIT DRINKING. [shakes head incredulously] That is bull-SHIT. First thing ANY alcoholic’d do is get so twisted he’d fuck his own GRANDMOTHER. Dude, that’s just common freakin’ SENSE. [hops up on the window ledge to sit with legs dangling] So I told myself, right then, that if I ever wrote anything apocalyptic, it’d consist mainly of everyone getting TANKED THE FUCK UP before even THINKING about heading into battle. [shrugs] So I dropped the ball a little there. I mean, while you prob’ly know me well enough by now to assume I’m keeping a nice light buzz unless I specifically bitch and moan about being sober, you’ve only actually SEEN me take one drink throughout this whole thing. AND no one’s joined me except Jack. But, hell, when I made that pledge, I just assumed I’d be doing the usual when the time came. Taking my time, creating characters I really CARE about. Not yanking you mouth-breathers outa the asshole of the internet like so much aborted fetal matter. I see no reason why ANY of you should get a drink.

Despanan: So how come Sternn gets the dregs?

Apathy: Because he’s Irish. He has to have SOMETHING. Artistic license is one thing, but you can’t ask people to suspend their disbelief for downright STUPID shit.

OVER THE ENSUING PAUSE, STERNN’S DOGLIKE GROWLS CAN BE HEARD.

Apathy: [jumping down and landing on his feet] ‘Kay, so anyway - now that you’re all awake, let’s get ready to head out. We’re taking a detour before we hit headquarters.

Despanan: Where?

Apathy: To the supermarket. We need to get you guys some weapons, since you weren’t awesome enough to appear with guns already in your hands.

Despanan: Supermarket?

Apathy: Uh-huh.

Despanan: Wouldn’t we be better off hitting a gun store?

Apathy: Nah. We need food supplies too. Might as well get it all done in one trip to minimize the danger.

Despanan: Sure, but there’s a grocery store right next to Brick Armory, just a block away.

Apathy: [firmly] We’re going to a supermarket, Desp.

Despanan: Look, I don’t get why you’re so set on -

Apathy: [impatiently] LOOK. You can’t have a zombie movie without a supermarket looting, any more than you can have a zombie movie without a scene in a disused warehouse. Well, you could, but it’d BITE. The audience would totally just be like, “GO RAID A SUPERMARKET!!” the first time anyone mentions being hungry. Oh, I know that in a REAL apocalypse, the supermarket’d probably be useless as around eighty per cent of the contents would be looted within the first 24 hours. But whaddaya want me to do – lead you all out into the country, secure an area and spend the rest of our lives growing our own vegetables in peace? That movie would fucking SUCK. [to all of them] Now get your useless asses up and head out. C’mon, front and centre. Let’s go.

SWEEPS OUT THE DOOR, LONG BLACK COAT [THANKS GOKU] SWISHING BEHIND HIM MATRIX-STYLE. THE OTHERS FOLLOW, SAYA STILL DOING THE VICTORY DANCE. JACK JOINS HER AND THE TWO FORM AN IMPROMPTU CONGA-LINE AS THEY EXIT, SMIRKING AT KONTAN, WHO IS WEARING THE EXPRESSION OF AN AXE-MURDERER. HE TURNS TO EXCHANGE GLARES WITH DESPANAN BUT THE LATTER ISN’T THERE; TURNS BACK TO DISCOVER HE’S JOINED THE CONGA-LINE.

Kontan: [outraged] DESP!

Despanan: [shrugging without skipping a beat] Hey, I’m a treacherous dickwad. What’s with the puppy-dog eyes? You know this. [they disappear through the door, fingers snapping and hips swinging]

Kontan: MotherFUCKER. [shakes head incredulously and follows, door swinging shut behind him with a loud clang]
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Old 12-12-2010, 05:16 PM   #69
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Apathy, hurry up!

I've been checkin' up on this one specific thread all freaking weekend, just because I want to know what happens next -_-
Hey, I got better shit to do on my own time - you'll have to wait until I'm at work for updates.
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Old 12-12-2010, 05:22 PM   #70
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That one was the best one yet!

Conga-line to victory!
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Old 12-12-2010, 05:29 PM   #71
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Eh, I figured I owed ya one after the blowjobs to freegans line. Plus I felt it really brought uot the sexual tension we've all been feeling between you guys since the Dear Saya thread ejaculated into being.
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Old 12-12-2010, 05:35 PM   #72
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Oh, the wonderful me parts wasn't the reason I thought it was the best one yet, I thought the jokes were overall more funny. Not that I didn't scare my roommate with my hysterical laughter at the other ones.
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Old 12-12-2010, 05:40 PM   #73
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Thanks. The characters are kind of getting away from me the longer I'm writing and becoming less like the straight parodies I started with - and consequently, less recognizable as versions of you guys. Hard to avoid of there's gonna be a story beyond, "[insert Gnetter name]: LOL". Still fun though.
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Old 12-13-2010, 06:13 AM   #74
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This shit's just getting better and better. I'm just wondering if the admin is gonna be in it or not, 'cos that would be kinda epic.
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Old 12-13-2010, 07:29 AM   #75
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Yeah, that would be cool. He could defend a mob of redneck zombies while they stomp on a little girl's head because "she was asking for it".

Apathy: I totally loved that I joined the conga line. I'm just that viscious.
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