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Old 12-26-2010, 04:15 PM   #126
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Reminds me of Beaker from the Muppets for some reason
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Old 12-26-2010, 04:35 PM   #127
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:O .....Well, I can at least say I have for once in my life been zombiefied
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Old 12-27-2010, 10:23 AM   #128
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Sternn's doing it for the craic, not the crack, brah. You make him sound like some hopped-up Irish junkie.
What? I'm sure they pronounced it like crack on Monkey Dust. Goddamn it, UK, pick a line and freakin' stick with it.
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Old 12-27-2010, 10:40 AM   #129
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What? I'm sure they pronounced it like crack on Monkey Dust. Goddamn it, UK, pick a line and freakin' stick with it.
It's pronounced crack, yeah, but it's spelt craic. Gaelic, little man. Sternn would feckin' screw at ye if he saw that.
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Old 12-27-2010, 10:43 AM   #130
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It's pronounced crack, yeah, but it's spelt craic. Gaelic, little man. Sternn would feckin' screw at ye if he saw that.
Awww, shit. Ya know, I try and I try, but the Irish will always be fucking incomprehensible to me. Just when you master that arrangement of grunts they call speech, they start fucking with their spelling.

By the way, the whole "little man" thing you've had going lately? Don't think that's sticking, kid. I mean it.
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Old 12-27-2010, 12:02 PM   #131
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By the way, the whole "little man" thing you've had going lately? Don't think that's sticking, kid. I mean it.
Alright little mate, I'll take your word for it.
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Old 12-27-2010, 02:07 PM   #132
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You're gonna make me rip out your colon, put it to my lips and do impressions of your mother getting plowed through it, ain'cha?

I knew it'd come to this one day.
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Old 12-27-2010, 02:10 PM   #133
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I hope your girlfriend knows that you're flirting with me so shamelessly, little man.
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Old 12-27-2010, 02:12 PM   #134
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I'm flirting? You're the one who rolled out a winking smilie, you slut.
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Old 12-28-2010, 07:51 AM   #135
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SHOT OF A DOOR AS "VOODOO CHILD: SLIGHT RETURN" STRIKES UP. THE DOOR SWINGS OPEN TO REVEAL THE SURVIVORS, WHO MOVE INSIDE WARILY AS THE SONG HITS ITS STRIDE.

SHOT MOVES OUT TO REVEAL THE ROOM THEY HAVE ENTERED. JIMI HENDRIX CONTINUES TO PLAY SOFTLY FROM AN UNSEEN SOUND SYSTEM IN THE BACKGROUND. THE ROOM HAS AN AIR OF STONER PARADISE ABOUT IT - THE LIGHTING IS SOFT AND THERE IS A STRONG SMELL OF WEED. STANDING AGAINST ONE OF THE WALLS IS A COFFEE TABLE WHICH IS CROWDED WITH BONGS OF VARYING SHAPES, SIZES AND COLORS.A LARGE BLANK SCREEN IS SEEN ABOVE THE COFFEE TABLE. AS THE CAMERA PANS OVER THE WALLS, WHICH ARE DOTTED WITH JOSS-STICK HOLDERS AND BILL HICKS POSTERS, WE SEE THAT THE WALLS ARE PINK AND SPONGY, WITH KNOBBLED PARTS AND RIDGES RUNNING THROUGH THEM. THE FLOOR IS SLIGHTLY CONCAVE, GIVING THE ROOM A VAGUELY SPHERICAL SHAPE. THEY ARE INSIDE A GIANT BRAIN.

THE SURVIVORS FOLLOW APATHY ACROSS THE ROOM TO THE COFFEE TABLE. HE PLOPS DOWN CROSS-LEGGED IN FRONT OF IT. HENDRIX CONTINUES TO PLAY SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND.

Apathy: Sit down, guys. We gotta summon him.

Saya: [sitting down with the others] How do we do that?

Apathy: Well, first we take a hit. [grabs an armful of bongs from the table and starts passing them around to the others as they all sit cross-legged in a semi--circle around the table below the screen] And we get our happy on. He refuses to see anyone who doesn't check their bad vibes at the door.

Jack: [practically falling on the bong that's passed his way] Fuck yeah... that's what I'M talkin' 'bout...

Kontan: [passing Saya a small pipe shaped like a kazoo] Here ya go, doll-face. No rohypnol. Promise. When we happen, I want you to WANT it.

Saya: Oh, you won't be needing date-r.ape drugs with me, baby. I've been thinking about you for a LONG time. You ever see that one movie, Teeth? [snaps her teeth at him]

Kontan: Naw... but I saw some awesome s.nuff a while back with this chick with two black eyes getting her shit ruined with a meat cleaver while she was chained to a bed in a crack den. It was beautiful - TOTALLY reminded me of our feelings for one another.

Apathy: Quit sniping, you two. We gotta clear the room of bad vibes. He won't come until everyone's all chilled and hugging in the shower, so just smoke up and fucking relax.

Jack: [sucking down hard, already red-eyed] Don't worry, man. I am ALL OVER that.


Despanan: [hitting his own bong and speaking around the smoke] So, what, he'll come when we're high?

Apathy: Uh-huh. And being sweet to each other. It's very important to him that everybody's sweet to each other. [sighs as Despanan rolls eyes] I know. But we need answers, [words are obviously directed at at Kontan and Saya], so I guess we're gonna have to suck it up and play nice for a while.

Kontan: [trailing a hand up Saya's thigh] You heard him, honey-doll. Let me be good to you. [she punches at him]

Apathy: [catching Saya's fist a couple of inches before it slams into Kontan's crotch] Jack, come sit in the middle of these guys. Since they clearly can't go FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES without flirting, I guess we're gonna have to separate them.

JACK SHUFFLES BETWEEN THEM, DRAWING DEEPLY, AND EXHALES WITH A BLISSFUL SIGH AS HE PLOPS DOWN ON HIS REAR. THEY ALL CONTINUE HITTING THEIR BONGS. APATHY IS WATCHING THE SCREEN ABOVE THE TABLE ANXIOUSLY, BUT IT REMAINS BLANK. AFTER A MINUTE OR SO, HE TURNS TO KONTAN AND SAYA, WHO ARE STILL SHOOTING OCCASIONAL GLARES AT ONE ANOTHER, IN FRUSTRATION.

Apathy: Aw, see? You guys ballsed it up. I told you, he won't come if there's even a HINT of a bad vibe.

Despanan: Why's the guy so fucking precious about every being pleasant, anyway?

Apathy: [shrugging] Says bad vibes are a buzz-kill. I don't know what the real reason is. I spent a long time trying to weasel it out of him, but in the end I started thinking he might just be - [looks around as though checking nobody's listening, then concludes with a whisper] a nice person.

Despanan: [alarmed] WHAT? Are you serious? You're telling me there's been a nice person inside Gnet all this time? I mean, one who ISN'T Humane?

Apathy: [hastily] Don't freak out. Nothing's been proven. It's just a theory.

Kontan: [indignantly] Yeah? Well, you wanna be careful tossing around THOSE kinda theories, dude. Don't forget that the dude you're accusing is ALL of us. You just accused everyone in this room, plus anyone we haven't picked up yet, of being a NICE person. You can't just go around talking that kind of shit about people. Not in Gnet.

Apathy: Aw, shut up, Kontan. The only reason YOU'RE getting this defensive is 'cause we all KNOW you're a nice person. There was a time when you were positively adorable before you morphed into the abrasive dick we all know today.

Kontan: [outraged] I was NEVER - !

Apathy: Hands up who remembers when Kontan was a total fucking sweetheart. [the others all raise their hands. Kontan pulls Despanan's hand down indignantly but he simply raises the other one - Kontan tries to yank that down but is now too stoned to reach across him with any degree of coordination. They struggle for a few moments, then K thunks down on his ass and glares around at them all sulkily]

Kontan: Screw you guys. I'm a cunting ASSHOLE. [shadow boxes at the air, trying to look tough]

Apathy: [rolling eyes] Sure you are, dude. But you know, if you don't say something nice to Saya right now, he who is all of us won't come, and we won't be able to find out what we need to know to get out of here alive.

Jack: Yeah, we'd have to stay in here forever. That'd be just... AWFUL. [tosses aside the bong, which he has emptied, and reaching onto the table for another] For real. I for one am SICK at the thought of it. [hits the new bong, exhaling with a rapturous sigh]

Despanan: [whispering] Dude, you gotta keep being a prick to Saya! If Mir doesn't show, he can't tell everyone we started the apocalypse!

Kontan: Yeah, but we'll be trapped in here! I don't think Apathy plans on leading us out of headquarters until he's talked to Mir. And we still don't know what the deal is with Jilly. We can't move out safely until we know what we're dealing with...

Apathy: [interrupting their whisperes] C'mon, Kontan. Just give her ONE compliment. I think that'll do it.

Kontan: Sure, gimme a minute... [whispers to Desp] I need to think this through. I'll try and stall - OW! [is cut off by Apathy leaning over impatiently twisting his arm behind his back hard] Okay, okay... take it easy... aw, SHIT, man! [as Apathy jerks on it] Saya, I secretly have a thing for skinny nerdy girls and I would totally fuck you! [rubs his arm with a murderous glare at Apathy, who has released him and turned towards Saya]

Apathy: Now you. Say something nice back.

Saya: But I - ! [stops talking as Apathy lunges for her arm and gets the words out before he's finished twisting it up] Kontan, in certain lights you're almost as beautiful as Apathy!

Apathy: Well done. Now you gotta hug on it. He loves hugging.

Kontan: WHAT?

Apathy: You heard me. You're hugging it out. Let's go. [stands, pulls them both to their feet and forces them together. The mutual loathing is palpable as they maintain an awkward embrace for a couple of seconds as Apathy stands in a kung-fu stance, ready to beat on the first one who pulls away. Finally, deciding it's enough, he pulls them apart] Okay, okay, get a room. That should do it. [they plop down on the ground again, both seriously pissed]

Despanan: [smirking] So are you guys like going steady now?

Jack: [looking over their heads] Desp, shut up.

Despanan: No, for real - [to Kontan] like if I r.ape her and bury her body in a shallow grave, you gonna challenge me to a duel to defend her honor? [scratches head as Kontan glares at him, obviously enjoying himself enormously] Well, I guess it'll be too late for that. More like AVENGE her honor -

Jack: Desp, seriously. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

THEY ALL FOLLOW HIS GAZE UP TO THE SCREEN, WHERE A FACE HAS APPEARED. APATHY, STILL ON HIS FEET BEHIND THEM, MEETS ITS GAZE OVER THEIR HEADS.

Apathy: Hey, Mir.
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Old 12-28-2010, 08:42 AM   #136
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Hah I loved that.
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Old 12-28-2010, 09:05 AM   #137
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Apathy, you're Boss mayng.
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Old 12-29-2010, 06:48 AM   #138
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Who's Mir and why is he a giant brain???

Sorry, I've kind of gotten into this...
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Old 12-29-2010, 07:03 AM   #139
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I had a detailed explanation but it isn't that funny when explained. Its an inside joke that we're all sockpuppets of Mir, who is another forum user but isn't around much anymore.
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Old 12-29-2010, 07:16 AM   #140
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Nah, that's clear enough, thanks. The annoying questions I pipe up with will probably increase in direct proportion to the amount of inside jokes made - I just hope that if and when the zombie god guy appears, he'll be a user whose name I recognise, 'cause that's the part I'd totally be rooting for if I were in this.
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Old 12-29-2010, 07:53 AM   #141
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Why the fuck can't I be in this? I could be that upstart punk that no one believes in, but pulls threw in the end. Like in Short Circuit 2.
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Old 12-29-2010, 07:59 AM   #142
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Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Unfortunately, the position of inconherent stoner has already been filled. Not to mention that every time I appeared in a scene there'd be the obligatory, "Wait - who the fuck are you?" from the other characters, and I'd have to re-recite my introduction thread.

Meh. As awesome as it'd be to fuck with some undead shit, I'm forced to admit that that play would kind of suck.
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Old 12-29-2010, 08:32 AM   #143
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But I got street cred, yo.











Seriously. AC forgot the token black guy.
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Old 12-29-2010, 08:39 AM   #144
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Where the hell am I in this story?
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Old 12-29-2010, 09:48 AM   #145
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But I got street cred, yo.











Seriously. AC forgot the token black guy.
You were probably the first to die. My condolences.
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Old 12-29-2010, 09:54 AM   #146
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I appreciate your display of cultural sensitivity in your choice of the word "probably."
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Old 12-29-2010, 09:58 AM   #147
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I have seen horror movies where the token character survived! Not many, but its still enough to say for certain.
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Old 12-29-2010, 10:08 AM   #148
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Never mind the fact I NEVER survive when I play as Coach or Rochelle... or Sheva when I played with my wife.
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Old 12-29-2010, 01:14 PM   #149
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Sorry, guys. This one's old-timers only, and is fully plotted out. Even the zombies roles have been filled.

Maybe I'll start another one that includes the people I missed or gave teeny parts to when this is through. Could be a regular feature: Gnet in the Tardis, Gnet in the Chinese Cultural Revolution, Gnet on the Titanic, Gnet: the Arthouse Movie, Gnet: the Porno ... the possibilities are endless.
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Old 12-29-2010, 01:21 PM   #150
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Dynasty Warriors: Gnet, please.

Also: "The Gnet Spot" sounds corny enough to be a porn title.
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