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The Walking Dead: Spend

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Welcome back to’s weekly recap of The Walking Dead, with your host, the award-winning horror author and tattooer, Fish. This week we will try to “Spend,” also known as Episode 514. Spend is, of course, what the show’s sponsors want us to do with our hard-earned, or ill-gotten, money.

As you all know, the upcoming article is rife with spoilers, not to mention a healthy dose of snark, seasoned with a few dashes of vulgarity. If you have a problem with any of these, do as the nice policeman said and move along!

Our flashback to last week gives us one more shot of Carol being the Cookie Monster.

It appears Father Gabriel is setting up his new office, slowly but surely, when he notices a lovely gift basket of strawberries from Rosemary, whoever she is. For some reason, Gabe is ripping the pages from his Bible, until it is destroyed. I know it is show that he has lost his faith, but I like to think he will use that thin onion skin paper to roll up some Holy Moses fatties!

Once our favorite music plays over the credits, we get reminded that we Better Call Saul. While I am a Breaking Bad fan, I have no desire to call Saul right now, because I am knee deep in zombie goodness.

Whoo hoo! Daryl has his new Frankenstein bike! Noah has a meeting over steel-cut oatmeal with Deanna’s husband, the Alexandria architect. He hits up the dude to teach him to how to take over his job, even though “I’ll still be here when you’re my age,” the old guy tells him. He jots a note down, because he writes everything down, and encourages Noah to do the same. It looks like Noah is in.

We switch over to Abraham getting started for the day, but having some difficulty, staring at himself in the mirror, his haunted eyes staring back.

Eugene doesn’t want to take a pistol or go on a scouting run with Noah and Aiden to retrieve “a dozen of these”. Aiden thinks they are going to go out and get the wrong shit, but Eugene assumes him that all the shit looks the same and he will install said shit to get their power grid back up. He takes the gun anyway.

Tara starts grilling Noah about his evening with Holly, while the rest of the group, including Glenn, head out for the supply run, while Maggie stays back. The van pulls out, while Knife Party’s Internet Friends blares in the sound system. Noah says it helps draw them away. Who is them, Noah? The walkers? Ravers? Club kids? All of the above? All I know is that the song’s big sample of “Now you’re going to die,” seems all too appropriate.

We flip over to Rick closing in on Jessie in her workshop, looking through a pile of junk. It turns out that it was her owl sculpture, reduced to its original scrap. “Stuff like this never happens here,” she says, not so subtly saying it has to be one of Rick’s group that hates owls enough to destroy it. Obviously, it does happen, Jessie. Rick tries to make the smooth moves on her by offering to look into it. He brings up his “Broken Window Theory,” that is you keep the windows intact, you keep society intact. Doesn’t sound so much like a theory and more like some sort of fortune cookie wisdom. Thanks, Confucius.

Our group of Scroungers, who are Glenn, Noah, Tara and, now, Eugene, along with Tweedledick and Tweedledickless, I’m sorry, I mean Aiden and Nicholas. I always have problems getting those straight. Where was I? Oh yeah, the Scroungers are checking out a warehouse, when Noah pops a walker, gaining a compliment from Dick, I mean, Aiden, who suggests doing a perimeter check, just like Glenn suggested, and off they go! Tara knifes a walker, like the bad-ass bitch she is. Eugene reiterates his objections to being on the run, while tooting his own horn for getting them to DC, which he compares to Nirvana. The only thing this place has in common with Nirvana is all the gunshots to the head. What? Twenty-one years is too soon? Fuck it, which is the look Tara gives Capt. Mulletude, when she reminds him that he didn’t get them there. They got him there. He’s still showing his membership in the Thesaurus of the Month Club, as he insists that if it was not for his motivation to go to the Metro area, they never would have gone. Tara looks him in the eye and asks if he is really that much of a coward. He answers with a resounding yes, he even told them that before. She just walks off in disbelief.

Glenn and Noah share a moment of camaraderie in regards to Noah’s improved aim, when he tells Glenn that he’s been tempted to “practice on Aiden.” So even our nice guy is ready to start popping shots at Dick, I mean, Aiden. They round a corner to find a fence to the front of the building, crawling with walkers, ensuring they are not leaving that way.

The group go in through a squeaky door, banging on the way, to attract any walkers inside, but none come to the dinner bell. By the beams of their flashlights, they start checking out the spacious building, aisle by aisle. Eventually, hearing the snarl of walkers, “stuck behind something,’ or so Glenn says. When challenged by Aiden as to how he knows that, Glenn simply replies, “I don’t,” as they continue on into the darkness, when we find a JUMP SCARE! Yep, the cheapest scare in horror movies. While not a random cat, the walkers behind the fence are equally as harmless, for now. There sure are a lot of them. So, it looks like Glenn was right, they were stuck behind something.

Eugene finds the box of micro-inverters they need, which Tara promptly carves up. Wouldn’t it make more sense to leave the box intact and just open the flaps? It seems like it would be easier to carry. Aiden wanders off, looking for more walkers, but doesn’t seem to notice the moaning corpse in combat armor coming up behind him, until it is almost on him. That ROTC training sure seems to be working good for you, Dick. I guess he never trained with Kevlar helmets, because he takes shot after useless shot, to no avail, until Glenn sees the armor, telling him to let it get closer. Proudly saying that he has it, our courageous Dick kneecaps the shamble and keeps taking shots. Maybe he’s hoping he can get up under the helmet, but he is just wasting ammo. Glenn notices something on the armor and calls for Aiden to stop shooting, but Dick doesn’t listen, setting off an explosive, likely a grenade. Everything goes black, as we head to the usual block of commercials.

The comments from Josh McDermott beat any level of wrong that I could come up with, including, “I really AM a scientist!” Then I saw the commercial for the new NatGeo show Killing Jesus. Stephen Moyer as Pontius Pilate ups the comedy ante. Once I looked it up, I had to fold. The show also has Kelsey Grammer as King Herod. So, we have Bill Compton and Frazier Crane as two of the biggest Biblical rulers during the life of JC. I can’t make this shit up!

We return to our friends covered in packing peanuts and choking on smoke, as they regain their footing. Aiden in plastered into the wall, as dead as the walker he shot. Ding dong, the Dick is dead! Glenn starts calling for Noah, Tara and Eugene, when he realizes the chain link cage is open and the jump scare has become a real scare. Eugene calls Nicholas and Glenn over where he is trapped behind a wall of boxes, where we find Tara on the floor in a pool of blood. They can’t get to her to see if she is still alive, when the walkers start showing up, but Glenn is still stuck on the wrong side of the wall of cardboard. It’s time for Eugene to nut uo and shoot it, but he fails at that too. Luckily, our Korean friend makes it just in time to pull the zombie off of the Mullet, where he had fallen when he couldn’t shoot. Glenn sends Dickless Mark 1 & Mark 2 to the office, while he goes after Tara.

Back to the community to find Carol skulking down the stairs, discovering Sam, the kid she threatened last week hiding in the closet. Apparently, he isn’t hiding from her, because he tells her that he has kept her secret, while asking for more cookies. When she tells him that she doesn’t care that his house doesn’t have power or that somebody killed his owl statue, he asks her to make more cookies. When she refuses his request again, he asks her to teach him to make them. This kids should be scarred for life when it comes to middle-aged women with short hair, but all he cares about are the cookies. What did Carol make them with, blue meth? We know it is in this universe, as Merle had some in the saddlebag of his motorcycle. In fact, in an interview with Chris Hardwick, Robert Kirkman acknowledged it, to which Hardwick commented that blue meth started the zombocalypse, to which Kirkman replied, “Sure.” Where was I? I seem to keep getting distracted. It must be the blue meth. Carol tells Sam to steal chocolate from Olivia, as well as a bar for her. “If you get caught or say anything, you’re not gonna like what happens to you,” she says, as she pushes him off her porch. Wow, so much for Carol as a maternal figure.

Cut to Bloody Tara who, according to our scientific genius, I’m sorry, I mean Eugene, has severe head trauma and is bleeding out fast. It’s a shame Aiden had the only med pack in the entire building, the other being in the van. As they are preparing to leave, Aiden groans. Apparently, he’s only Mostly Dead. After a quick argument as to leave him or not, Eugene tells them to save Aiden, because it’s what Tara would do. I tell you right now, if she dies because they went to save Tweedledick, I will be pissed. Slamming the door open into the walkers face, they barge out, firing a flare as a distraction, as we cut away to Big Red.

Abraham is scavenging a construction site for more building materials to strengthen the wall. The guy in charge leaves Abraham alone as he heads off to “send a fax to Cleveland.” I have to admit, that is a new euphemism for taking a dump to me. The birds vacating the trees where our foreman is heading is not a good omen for his fax. Abe takes some deep breaths in the cool air, as the walkers chase his boss from the trees. He obviously knew by the birds, but did nothing. It looks to be a large group, while the Alexandrians just seem to waste a lot of ammo, until Honest Abe scrambles up with his rifle, to join the firing line. Francine, their lookout, in the bucket of a backhoe, falls, likely breaking her leg, as the walkers close in on her. When the group is ordered back, Abraham runs in to save her, scooping her up and shoving her into the cab of the yellow weapon of mass construction. Rather than climbing up as well, he closes the door, puts his back to the machine to assess his situation. “Mother Dick,” he grumbles. I couldn’t say it better myself, big guy.

We get to see more commercials, including the notification that the hashtag of the night is #DangerousWorkSite. There is also a commercial for Apple Watch. I don’t know which is a more destructive piece of equipment, the backhoe or that damn watch. If it is in regards to productivity, it is likely the watch.

As we return to our #DangerousWorkSite, Abraham scoots under and starts taking head shots, until Francine calls from the door on the other side. He scurries out, tossing her his rifle, as he picks up an improvised flail, taking out more while screaming out his battle cry of “Mother Dick!” The rest of the crew closes in, amazed he is still alive and swinging, determined to help keep Big Red that way.

As a nice calm, yet tense counterpoint, we go to a drunk Pete knocking on Rick’s door, offering a beer for trying to help Jessie out earlier. There is something about the two-facedness of this guy that really rubs me wrong. After a bit of chit-chat about the owl, Pete brings up Lori, to which Rick gets a bit cold. Pete tries to defuse it by offering to give Carl and Judith a check up. Pete leans in and says, “Let’s be friends. We kinda have to be.” Why, cause you both are hot for the same woman?

We go back to the warehouse, where Eugene is telling an unconscious Tara that he wants no responsibility for what happened, that he told them and they wouldn’t listen. He turns the flashlight off and leaves the office, Tara over his shoulder, taking shots at the Walkers. We go to Glenn and friends trying to save Aiden, who is impaled on the wall. Nicholas leans in and whispers in his ear about “We left them. I’m sorry,” as he backs away. Dick, I mean Aiden, confesses to Glenn that the reason the rest of the old group of Scroungers died was because Nicholas and he panicked, not the ones who died. Noah yanks Glenn away just in time for Aiden to get his just desserts, Colonel Rhodes-style. Choke on ‘em, Aiden. Choke on ‘em!

Yay, we get more Jeff GoldJobs selling yet again! iZombie looks like it might be a cute take on the zombie franchise. Kinda like a cross between TWD and Buffy.

We return to Abraham pushing around Tobin, asking if they leave people to die. He tries to defend their system, hoping Francine will defend him, getting a right hook to the jaw from her instead. Abraham takes control of the situation, as well as the group, sending them back to work with two lookout, because they need to get the wall built.

We go back to Glenn and Noah, running from the building, chasing Nicholas, as he charges headlong into the crowd of walkers outside. Dickless backs up into the revolving door, as Noah and Glenn take the other side, trapping the three of them in the middle, walkers on both sides of the glass.

Deanna and her husband, along with Maggie, are talking with Tobin, who accepts responsibility for almost causing Francine’s death. Apparently, Tobin is resigning to let Abraham run the construction team. Against her husband’s wishes, she agree to make it official when the team gets back. Maggie defends Tobin’s choice, which Deanna comments that every time she puts one of the group in a position of power, Maggie vouches for them. “It’s becoming a pattern.” Maggie remind the mayor that they are doing exactly what she wanted the group for, to provide a future.

So, not only is Sam not afraid of Carol, he’s back with a bag of chocolate. This town has some of the shittiest survival instincts I have seen on this show. How did they make it this long? She pulls him in so they can make more cookies. She tells him that she isn’t doing it anymore, and he shouldn’t come back again. He is trying to be chatty, asking about her cooking background, when she cuts him off. He simply says, “We don’t have to be friends. It just doesn’t have to be quiet.” I get the feeling that Sam spends a lot of time alone, that he is so desperate for a motherly figure. That brings up the question of what is Jessie doing that he is so starved for attention. She tells him that cooking helped distract her when she was sad. Sam confides in her that when he gets sad, he breaks stuff. I guess we have found our Owl Killer, to which he confessed. Carol confronts him as to why he is at her place. He counters, asking why she stole the guns. “Sometimes, you need to protect yourself.” Sam asks for a gun, unwilling to say who it is for after he denies it is for him, scurrying out of the kitchen.

Slapping undead hands bring us back to our hapless trio in the revolving door. I am curious if it is meant as a metaphor, since the show seems to have a revolving door policy when it comes to characters. Nicholas tells Glenn and Noah to make a run for it since they have the guns, but Glenn reminds him that he has the ammo. Smart move, putting all the ammo on one guy. It must be some of Aiden’s extensive ROTC training again. We also know that Noah isn’t really running anywhere with his bum ankle, as he tries to find another way. A honking horn signals the arrival of the Mulletted Wonder, blasting Knife Party to draw away most of the walkers. Glenn starts bashing at the glass, trying to get out the front, whie Nicholas and Noah hold the door in place. With every blow, the door starts turning, ready to dump Nicholas back inside with that group of walkers. Nicholas decides to turn the tables and forces his way outside, sending Noah in, where the walkers grab him by legs, pulling him down. As Glenn tries to save him, Noah is slammed against the glass and torn apart, leaving Glenn sitting on the floor of the Revolving Door of Death in shock, as we go to the final block of commercials for the night.

Nicholas demands that Eugene turns over the van to him, which Eugene tries to resist. Unable to pull his pistol in time, Nicholas jumps in the driver’s seat, but not fast enough. Glenn yanks Dickless out and beats him down. After telling Eugene to put him in the back, he has to deal with the question of “Where is Noah?” Glenn simply walks away.

Apparently, Carol wants some answers, as she is knocking of the door of Sam’s house. Pete answers the door, answering Carol’s question if Sam is okay with, “Why wouldn’t he be?” She realizes that this is getting nowhere quick and asks for Jessie. He whispers, “Not a good time,” and closes the door on her.

Glenn is driving quietly, while Eugene watches over Tara, pistol trained on Dickless, when he notices Noah’s journal, containing a single sentence. “This is the beginning.” The beginning of what, we don’t know, but I bet it isn’t anything good. We all know that happily ever after isn’t an option for anyone on this show. It is likely the beginning of the group’s takeover of Alexandria.

Gabriel is invited into Deanna’s home, looking distraught. He tells Deanna that he feels that Satan is the Angel of Light, and there is ‘false light’ inside the walls. He tells Deanna that while he is grateful to be there, the rest of the group are not good people. Maggie overhears this from the basement stairs. While he speaks in voice over, we see Rick fondling his wedding band, Carol comes in and tells Rick that Pete is beating Jessie and, possibly, Sam. She knows this will fire up our Ricktator, sending him into action. We go back to Deanna supporting Rick and Company, but Gabriel isn’t having any of it. He continues telling here that one day, they will put the group first and destroy the Alexandria community; all while Abraham is barking orders to the work crew. Rick asks Carol how she knows about the abuse, if Sam told her. “He didn’t have to.” Well, if anybody knows the signs of abuse, it would be Carol. Gabriel continues comparing Rick and his group to Satan and his False Apostles, how they don’t deserve the paradise they have been given. Deanna thanks him, saying she has a lot to think about. He replies, telling her he wished he had done it sooner and that he hopes it isn’t too late. We hear Glenn screaming for help, while Carol tells Rick that she knows how things will go with Pete. “There’s only one way it can go. You’re gonna have to kill him.”

Wow, what a way to end a very dense episode, filled with loss. I hope everyone enjoyed my ramblings. I am a bit stunned myself. Only two episodes left, as we see who will make it out alive. We have lost a lot of characters this season. How many more will we lose?

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Posted by on Sunday, March 15th, 2015. Filed under Dark TV, Headline. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

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