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The Walking Dead: Conquer Season Finale

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Hello all. I am your host, Michael Fisher, award-winning horror author and tattooer. Welcome to’s season finale recap of The Walking Dead, titled Conquer. The flashbacks from last week end with Rick going completely in-Shane and getting knocked the fuck out by Michonne.


Yay, we open to Morgan sleeping in a wrecked car. I’ve been wondering what was up with him since Georgia. He spies a lucky rabbit’s foot and takes that as a sign to have a cuppa coffee. A stranger comes upon his fire and invites himself. Look at that W on his forehead! While holding Morgan at gunpoint, he tells the story of the settlers hunting wolves for bounty. He tells Morgan that he is going to take everything of Morgan’s, including Morgan. Still telling stories, he is. When Morgan reaches of a weapon, the intruder says to be still, when another Wolf charges in and they get their asses handed to them by Morgan. He stays calm the whole time. As a walker approaches, he realizes he was being held up by goon with an unloaded gun. Putting the Wolves into the car, he honks the horn to draw walkers to them, as we go to the opening credits.

Yay, we get Jurassic World AND Jeff GoldJobs. I don’t know why I am so fixated on him, but he makes me smile. There is also a Halo5 commercial, where one character is lecturing another before executing him.

Daryl is hauling ass on that Frankenbike, with Aaron taking the rear. No that wasn’t a gay joke, but now that you mention it…

Cut to a heavily bandaged Rick waking up in a dim room, with Michonne watching over him. After a bit of a chat about visitors, Michonne asks him about what he’s doing, where he got the gun from. Glenn, Carol and Abraham show up and Carol starts asking about the gun too, telling him he’s stupid for taking it. Apparently, Deanna wants to kick Rick out at the meeting that is to come. Carol tells him to tell Deanna and Co. what they want to hear, because “they are children and children like stories.” The armory is actively guarded against any further theft. Rick comes up with a plan to kidnap the town leaders with knives, if things go bad at the meeting. Rick is compared to a terrorist, but he disagrees, before kicking everyone out and going back to bed.

Maggie meets with Deanna and Reg and tells her that she can’t kick Rick out. She comes to Rick’s defense, but Deanna seems to have made up her mind. Reg spouts off comparing Rick’s group to cavemen, that civilization starts when you stop moving, and he will try to help at the meeting.

Cut to Sasha cleaning up walker bodies and dumping them in a mass grave. She slips, slides in, and decides to lie down on the pile of rotting corpses. Yep, Sasha’s gone bye-bye.

Daryl and Aaron are tracking people that came through their area. Aaron tells a story about the first three people to be cast out, how he, Aiden and Nicholas took them away and left them with minimal food and water. Daryl can’t believe they just left, but Aaron points out that his people had all the guns, but he can’t let it happen again.

Carol wakes Rick up and gives him another gun, while keeping it between the two of them, just in case the other three have gone native. When Rick says he doesn’t want to lie anymore, Carol talks to him like a little kid. “You say you don’t want to take this place, and you don’t want to lie anymore? Sunshine, you don’t get to have both.”

As we go to commercials, we get assaulted with the Justin Bieber Roast. I always thought he would get shot, but not roasted. Are we in Terminus again? Tom Cruise and Saul Goodman are along for the ride as well.

Our Welcoming Team are spying on a new stranger in a red poncho, who knows about using plants as bug repellant.

Rick stroll down the street, between Tobin and his friends, with Deanna watching over them. Not creepy at all, Deanna. Oh wait, there’s Dickless, I mean Nicholas, looking really creepy. Maggie strolls up to her man and lets him know things are going like they thought but that they will work it out. Glenn spies Dickless going over the wall, as the gate guard lets Father Gabriel out the front gate, unarmed, because he feels God will protect him. Seems to have worked well so far, dude.

Rick goes to see Carl and tells him to stay home, assumedly because Rick’s gonna make a move at the meeting. Carl tells him how much Alexandria needs them, but Rick informs his boy that he may have to threaten or kill someone.

Daryl and Aaron spot a grocery warehouse, where Aaron makes the argument that they will need to feed everyone they bring in and they don’t find stuff like this often. Daryl agrees and starts drawing the walkers inside the fence over, putting them down as they arrive, until it is all clear. The two head across the parking lot to the loading bay for all the truck that are “How the Harvest Gets Home.” Spotting a truck with an Alaska tag, Aaron claims his new prize. Daryl opens a truck, setting off a booby trap that opens all the trucks which are full of walkers, complete with Ws on their heads. After fleeing under a truck and through the horde, the pair take shelter in a car, squishing a head in the door in the process. Nice gross-out moment there. The horde surrounds them, all but a few still on meathooks in the trucks.

The next commercial break gives us our first glimpse of Fear the Walking Dead, the spin-off set in LA during the beginning of the Rise. So we don’t have to wait until fall for more walkers, and by reason, more of me summarizing the episodes.

We come back to a windshield full of hands. Daryl comes up with and idea to block the window so the walkers will get distracted and go away. Great idea Daryl, that is until Aaron finds a note that reads “TRAP BAD PEOPLE COMING DON’T STAY”. SHIT! Okay, I added the last part, but that’s what the look on Daryl’s face says clearly.

A knock at the door wakes up Pete, to find Carol coming to check on Tara, bringing another casserole. When he tells her to get out, she reminds him that he is supposed to be taking care of Tara. She tells Pete that she could kill him, that she will, as she pulls a trench knife from her belt, and points it at his throat. She says she will get away with it because no one knows she doesn’t like him, pricking the underside of his chin with the tip of the blade. She says everyone would believe that he tried to hurt her. She give him a the challenge uttered every weekend by drunk guys around the country, “Come at me.” When he doesn’t make a move, she tells him he has a chance, insulting him, telling Pete, he is a “small weak nothing”. As she shoves the casserole into Pete’s hand, Carol turns to leave, getting a parting shot of how she wants her dish back clean. Pete drops the food on the floor and goes on a rampage off screen, smashing furniture and screaming that it isn’t his house. It’s not your house, so you can fuck shit up? I’ve known some punks who had that mindset at almost every party they went to.

Off we go to Glenn following Dickless through the woods, finding a dead walker. BLAM! Dickless was hiding in the trees and shoots Glenn. We know he isn’t dead since it just grazes his shoulder. Dickless still can’t shoot for shit, and now he just signed his own death warrant. He runs over to finish the job but Glenn is gone. Uh oh!

Rick is checking in on Jessie, when she tells him they shouldn’t be seen talking right now. She defends her black eye, but Rick tells her he isn’t sorry about what he did, no matter the outcome. As he turns to leave, she tells him he was right. We see Pete spying on them, a wicked smirk on his face, as we go to the next block of bill paying.

WTFuck? We have a dystopian society, using The Ramones to sell Taco Bell Crunchwraps. I guess it is fitting having punk rock as the soundtrack of a rebellion, but for Taco Hell? Joey Ramone must be hitting about 4500 RPM in his grave right now. We also get a tv spot for the new Terminator movie, which, oddly, I am very interested in seeing, even in the new Kyle Reese looks nothing like Michael Biehn. Over twenty years later and the T-1000 still is a badass.

Back to the mass of walkers covering Daryl and Aaron’s car. Daryl tells Aaron about how being trapped in the car “feels more like me” than being in Alexandria. Aaron tells him about how he knew to bring the group to Alexandria based on Daryl’s actions. Lighting up a smoke, Daryl tells Aaron that he will be a distraction so Aaron can get away. When Aaron protests, that they should have continued looking for the guy in the red poncho, Daryl tells him it isn’t his decision. Aaron refuses, that they need to fight their way out together, even if they don’t make it. Daryl agrees, and as they are counting down to go, Morgan comes to the rescues, smashing heads with his staff. A brief skirmish and they are all out of the fence. After brief introductions, Daryl asks Morgan why he did it. “Because all life is precious, Daryl.” Aaron invites Morgan to join them, but he declines, saying he’s on his way somewhere. Explaining that he is lost, he hand Daryl a map. The map with Rick’s note.

Gabriel is walking along the road, whistling. He says, “I’m ready,” holding his arms out, as a feeding walker turns to him. What happens to out fallen priest? I guess we’ll find out after the commercial break.

Not a lot to speak of in this bloc of commercials. Interstellar, Jesus and Penn & Teller.

Ahh, where were we? Yep, we come back to Gabe giving up, standing in a crucifixion pose. The walker looks like he’s ready to bite his nose off when Gabriel’s survival instincts kick in. He grabs the noose around the walker’s neck, spins it around and pulls on the rope until its head pops off. A quick smash with a stick and it’s all over. He puts down the poor guy that was the walker’s dinner before collapsing in tears.

Abraham opens the door to Tara’s recovery room, flowers in hand, to see Rosita and Eugene already there. Abraham goes to leave until Rosita tells him the The Mullet is asleep and he should sit. In a passive-aggressive move, she knocks a metal pan off with a “whoops”, waking Eugene up. I never realized until this moment how much Eugene looks like John Larroquette in his Night Court days. Mr. Mullet starts talking about how Tara saved his life and changed his way of thinking, in way more words than it needed. He admits to his lie giving the individuals something to drive them , but it was Abraham who got them all the way from Texas to NoVa, “and I thank you. I am sorry.” Abraham apologizes, but Eugene tells him it is not needed. When Abraham reminds him that he almost killed Eugene, he simply gets, “There is that,” as a reply.

Gabe shows back up at the gate and Aiden’s brother wants to talk with him about his brother. Gabriel gives him a polite “We’ll see.” Walking away, he asks Gabriel to get the gate. Since we are at the hour mark, I have a feeling that Gabe’s gonna fuck up. Let’s see, shall we? Yep, he pushes the gate somewhat closed, but far from secure. Dick.

Speaking of dicks, we go to Dickless playing is own version of Run Through the Jungle, as he is frantically searching for Glenn, knowing that is he doesn’t put him down, he’s dead. Coming across a walker, he decides against shooting and pulls his knife. Is it just me or are knives becoming almost boring on this show? They go through skulls easier than a block of cheddar. Last second, he decides to shoot it, giving his position away, so Glenn can charge in, slamming Dickless against a tree. Glenn starts beating Dickless like he owes him money, when the scumbag gets a cheap shot in, shoving his thumb into Glenn’s bullet wound. A few more punches and they are on the ground. Glenn stomps on Dickless’ knee, when he gets thrown off. There goes that thumb into the gunshot wound, after a couple brutal kidney punches. Glenn’s screaming draws a group of walkers over, which Dickless rolls awy from, as they fall on Glenn, who is already weakened.

Deputy Michonne arrives to get Rick for the meeting, who is in his street clothes. Rick tells Michonne that Carol stole three guns and that they each still have one. He admits to lying to Michonne, holding his gun out. She says he think she’d try to stop them. When he brings up her playing the Knock Out Game with Rick’s noggin, she tells him that she did it for him, not Deanna and Co. When he tells her she could’ve tried to talk him out of his rebellion, she tells him that they don’t need their weapons in Alexandria. Um, Michonne, I think you’re wrong. In fact, I bet you’ll need them real soon, thanks to Gabe. If they can’t make it work, she still has his back. She cautions him against making something go down. He tries to hand her the gun once more, but she pushes it back to him, and walks out. Rick checks his machete and ponders Bob’s lessons to him, about how they are in a nightmare but that he will find himself back in the Real World, and he’ll have to know how to live in it. I always thought just had to avoid starting too much shit on the Real World, so you didn’t get kicked out of the house. Oh, different real world? Gotcha. Running out, Rick finds the gate open, blood on the bolt. He slams it shut and locks it, heading back into the community, as we head into more commercials.

Other than the next Fast & Furious commercial, this block is pretty bland.

Rick is running along the walls, looking for threats, as Gabriel walks into his house to find Sasha waiting for him. She needs guidance, but I think she’s asking the wrong guy. She asks for help but he tells her no. The meeting is going down around a bonfire in the dark. Deanna decides to start the meeting, even though Rick and Glenn are not there yet. Deanna seems to be throwing Rick under the bus, when Maggie, Michonne and Carol try to stall. Carol has her sweetest smile on when she tells Deanna that she is “sure we can work this all out.”

We cut to Dickless staggering through the dark woods, looking for home, while Rick is running through the streets, knife in hand. Sasha tells Gabriel that she wants to die, to which Gabriel rebuffs, asking why wouldn’t she want to die, that she doesn’t deserve to be there. He accuses her of causing Bob’s cannibalism and eventual death due to her sins. When he accuses Tyreese of deserving to die, she snaps, slamming the priest against the wall, screaming for him to stop.

Rick is creeping about yards, when a walker attacks, just in time to cut to Michonne defending him at the meeting. After she tells the town that if they are lucky, they’ll become like Rick. Rick who is fighting off more walkers, while Gabriel is trying to fight off Sasha. A wild shot goes off as Gabe falls to the ground. Back to Dickless in the darkness, who turns around just in time to catch a shot from Glenn. Carol is defending Rick now, about how he saved her multiple times. She says people like her and the group need people like Rick. We go to Rick, pinned to the ground, struggling to keep the walker’s teeth away from his face, as he slides his gun up under the walker’s chin, into its mouth. Glenn is circling the downed Nicholas, when he lands a powerful blow to Dickless’ face. Now Abraham is standing up for his leader, with his usual eloquence. “There is a vast ocean of shit that you people don’t know shit about. Rick knows every fine grain of said shit and then some.” Well said, Big Red!
As we go back to Rick and his more pressing struggle, he pulls the trigger, spraying himself in walker brains. We see three people, the one in the middle in the red poncho, approaching the warehouse. Red Poncho is protesting, when one tells him to be quiet so the walkers don’t here him, because it will take longer to reset the trap. He tells Poncho to “just be still,” before spinning him around and slitting his throat. Fucking Wolves again. “Welcome home,” the Wolf says, as we go to what I hope is our last break.

We get another Halo5 commercial, from the other point of view. The Talking Dead commercial teases us with Reedus and Melissa McBride (Carol), as well as a surprise special guest. My guess is that it will be whoever dies in the last ten minutes, since we haven’t lost anyone yet. GoldJobs again! Yay!

We return to Maggie defending Rick, invoked the Great Herschel and his respect for Rick. She lets Deanna know that they are family, and they can’t stop it. Deanna steps up and tells the group about Gabriel’s squealing and how Rick showed those behaviors a day later. When Jessie calls her out that it is just hearsay, since Gabe isn’t there, she replies that neither is Rick. Maggie excuses herself, as we go back to Glenn slamming Dickless into the ground. Glenn points out that Noah died because of Dickless’ actions and how he tried to help him, and his reaction was to try to kill Glenn. Dicklees starts crying as Glenn puts the barrel of his gun against the spineless scum’s forehead, and we go to Sasha taking aim at Gabriel, also on the ground. The Wolf at the warehouse hits a remote, triggering music and flashing lights in the trucks, luring the walkers back to them.

Tobin’s talking about how he wants to keep his family safe, when Rick walks into the circle of light, walker corpse over his shoulder. He slams the body to the ground, as we go back to Glenn leaving a barrel print on Dickless’ forehead. He starts crying about being scared, while Glenn yells at him to shut up. In the end, he pulls the gun away with a scream of frustration. Gabriel pleads for Sasha to shoot him, when Maggie walks in and takes the rifle from the weeping woman. Gabriel still wants her to shoot him, confessing, “They all died because of me.” Maggie takes his hand and agrees with him, as she pulls him to his feet.

Rick informs everyone that the gate was open and unguarded. Deanna’s last boy tells him mom that he asked Gabriel to close it and she orders him off. Apparently, incompetence runs in the family. Rick tells them all that both the dead and the living will always get in, because they are there. While Rick continues to lay some survival wisdom on the group, we pan over a montage of Carl and Judith looking at the music box; Glenn pushing Dickless through the woods at gunpoint; Maggie, Sasha and Gabriel praying; Rosita reading at Tara’s bedside as she awakens; the flashing lights going out at the warehouse and one of the Wolves looking through Aaron’s photos, including one of Rick and Carl. In a moment reminiscent of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket, Rick tells the group, “We’ll survive. I’ll show how.” Rick tells them that he had been asking himself how many Alexandrians he would have to kill to save the community, but that he isn’t going to. He tells Deanna that he isn’t sorry for what he said, but that he hadn’t said it sooner, that they have to change because luck runs out. Pete staggers in, screaming that Rick isn’t “one of us.” When Reg tries to stop him, Pete slashes Reg’s throat. Pete is screaming, “This is him,” while pinned to the ground, while Reg bleeds out. The entire group is shocked, except for Rick, Carol and Eugene. Deanna cries her eyes out while her husband dies. She looks up at Rick and says, “Do it.” He turns and fires a shot, presumably putting down Pete, since his screming stops. Morgan calls out Rick’s name. He is standing at the edge of the crowd, with Aaron and Daryl. They look shocked to see each other, especially in such circumstances. After a moment of looking back and forth, we are done. Or not.

In an after-credits scene, Michonne is about to put her katana back on the mantle, when she changes her mind and re-sheaths it, slinging it over her shoulder. We go back to the warehouse where they show the car Aaron and Daryl hid in, now sprayed with the same graffiti from Noah’s dad’s place. WOLVES NOT FAR.

Oh yeah, the secret guest on Talking Dead was Lenny James aka Morgan, so I was wrong there.

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