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Game of Thrones: Blood of My Blood-y Hell

Sunday, May 29th, 2016 | Filed under Dark TV,Headline,Images | Posted by

After last week’s chilling plot reveals, I think we’re all waiting with baited breath to see what the heck will happen now on HBO’s Game of Thrones.

This week we slam directly into Bran’s head as he experiences the omni-flashback. Without Hodor, poor Meera is left to lug Bran through the winter woods without any help. Bran’s head goes through a bunch of seemingly disconnected moments of history (but it’s clearly hinting at something to do with burning all the White Walkers) until he finally comes back to reality, just as the Walkers catch up. Looks like they’re screwed, until a dark figure on a dark horse turns up and fire blasts them before pulling the whole “come with me if you want to live” shtick.

Gilly is blown away by how green the south is, and Sam is babbling. She’s off to go live with Sam’s family while he studies to become a maester. They’re going to tell the family that Little Sam is Sam’s grandchild to convince them to take them in. Sam’s family home is beautiful and his mother seems like the sweetest. Gilly seems stunned and it’s all really cute, which you just know means it won’t last long.

The Sparrow is up to something in terms of Margaery’s walk of shame. Margaery’s hair is straight and it seems like she’s had a few sips of the kool-aid. If she hasn’t, she’s doing a solid job of acting.

Back over to Gilly who’s a cutie pie, even awkward walking in a fancy dress with her hair all curled. Dinner with the family is predictably awkward. Sam’s little brother is a total jock and honestly this whole situation could be scene changed with a modern Midwestern setting and it’d still read the same. Lord Tarly is a jerk, and Gilly talks back which is awesome, but she does let it slip that she’s from beyond the Wall. Oops. Daddy’s got a spiel about how Sam will never wield the family sword, and it feels like one long foreshadow. And I nailed it, and Sam’s like “f this”, steals the sword and leaves in the night with Gilly and the baby. Nice.

Arya is having a hard time killing such a solid actress as she’s been assigned. There’s some serious poetry to the stage farce’s Sansa actress wanting to off the Cersei actress. The actress catches Arya and thinks that she’s just some little kid who wants to be an actress someday. It’s honestly really cute and sad. Sad enough to make Arya come back and slap the poisoned drink out of the actress’s hand and warn her of the plot. And then Arya goes to grab needle (YAS) and go AWOL. The House of Black and White is going to be after her now. Especially the bob haircut chick, who’s apparently been waiting to kill her this whole time. I knew my girl wasn’t just going to become beholden to some faceless organization (pardon the pun). Always forge your own path, Arya baby.

Back in King’s Landing there’s a really awkward charge in to rescue Margaery and Loras even as Margaery is about to make her walk of atonement. The Sparrow blinks first, it seems, but you just know something is up his sleeve. And then Tommen walks out, apparently a good little holy convert. Margaery looks great, is a genius and I wholly credit her for orchestrating this. There’s a certain ahistorical smack of Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain here, no?

Tommen strips Jaime of his title and kicks him out of the city. His mother is just gonna love that.

The Freys show up – haven’t seen them for a while. Walder’s massively inflated sense of self has him sending his sons off to hunt down the Blackfish and take back Riverrun. And then he pulls Edmure Tully out of the dungeon. Yikes.

Jaime wants to kill the High Sparrow, Cersei is pissed off. They make out. Can they just, like, try to not be gross for two minutes?

The creepy guy in all black tells Meera that the Three Eyed Raven sent for him, implies that that’s bran pretty clearly. We get the reveal that the man is Bran’s long-lost Uncle Benjen Stark. He was stabbed by a Walker blade, apparently, but was saved by the Children with a shard of dragonglass to the heart. He’s getting a bit Jedi Master-y at Bran, so I’m interested to see where that goes.

My home girl Dany leads her fuckhuge Khalasar across the wastes. Daario says she was not made to sit a throne, she was made to conquer. He’s right. She dips and tells them all to wait, and just as Daario gets impatient she rolls up on her fully grown dragon, in a nice custom black and red. This bitch! Is there any way not to love her? She says she won’t choose three Bloodriders like most Khals, she’ll choose her whole fucking Khalassar and she’ll demand more of them than any others, and the loyalty she inspires is insane. Though, in fairness, she is sitting on a dragon while she says all this, so who’s gonna say no? Have I mentioned I’m in love her her lately? I’m in love with her.

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