Game of Thrones: Book of The Stranger Than You
Welcome back to HBO’s Game of Thrones. This week I got a tattoo in honor of Arya (It’s a sword with “Not Today” written around it. It’s pretty cool. Yes, my parents are disappointed.) and I didn’t even see her! What gives?
But this week we did get to see the reunions we’ve all been waiting for — Jon and Sansa! She rolls into Castle Black and they hug and they talk about when they were kids and I have a lot of feelings. Sansa admits she was a bit of a jerk and Jon says he’s sick of fighting when Sansa tries to talk him into taking back Winterfell. Grumble grumble.
Brienne is there, by the way, and looks the Red Woman right in the eye while she says how she executed Stannis. That’s what you get for using blood magic I guess. Revenge is a dish best served on ice at Castle Black I guess.
Cut to Robyn and Littlefinger. Could he… could he be more creepy? Like is it physically possible? I don’t feel like it is. Baelish has Robyn wrapped around his, uhm, well, little finger. It’s a nice wakeup call for everyone that they’re at the mercy of a spoiled, epileptic fourteen year old with Baelish at the helm. Creepy.
Wise words from Tyrion, not about wine this time. We make peace with our enemies, not our friends. But his deal with the slavers – you have seven years to phase out slavery, you get full compensation, but stop fighting us on it – is not taken well by Missandei and Grey Worm, and I don’t blame them. Frankly, I’d be terrified to make Missandei an enemy. Politics!
Shift over to Jorah and Annoying American Accent, er, I mean, Dario. They think they’re Ocean’s Eleven this week, breaking into the Dothraki city. No weapons allowed, but I’m worried that Jorah is going to give them all greyscale. Please see a doctor you nincompoop. But, no, instead he badly plays being a merchant and gets caught, and they have to beat a guy upside the head with a rock.
Dany herself is doing ok, and we seem to have a new character. At least I hope so, because this show hurts for women of color getting roles other than sex workers and murderers. It doesn’t take long for Jorah and Dario to show up, and Dany convinces them that she has a plan. I trust her.
Margery gets a sermon from the High Sparrow. He’s got a shaggy dog story about how he used to be a cobbler, but had a crazy party and left to follow the gods, barefoot, the next morning. So, like, you ever had a hangover so bad you reevaluate your whole life? Margery gets to see Loras after and he’s looking rough.
Cersei finds out from Tommen that his queen is going to have her own walk of shame, and she knows how politically bad this’ll be. She talks the small council into letting the Tyrell forces come in and rescue the Tyrell siblings and, hopefully, kill the sparrow. The chances of a civil war are moderate, but hey, worth a shot! Rains of Castamere plays softly in the background. Nice touch.
Theon fucking Greyjoy. He tells Yara that he wants her to rule the Iron Islands. As well she should. She’s presenting as vastly more Ironborn than he is. Interesting staging, so I’m interested in what’s going to happen there.
Move on to Osha in Winterfell. She’s fallen into the “bathe her and bring her to me” trope with Ramsay Bolton, who is peeling an apple because who doesn’t love betrayal and Satan visual symbolism? She starts grinding on him while making a move for a knife, only for a double-double-cross when Ramsay stabs her. Why? What’s the point of having her there if she only gets a sliver of screentime? I assume it’s because the writers are obsessed with their golden boy Ramsay and just have to pack in as much gratuitous violence against women as possible with him.
Jon and Sansa are having dinner back at Castle Black. Jon gets a letter from Ramsay, telling him they have Rickon and will murder all the Wildlings if he won’t return Sansa. There’s also a passage with gratuitous reference to sexual assault against Sansa, which — for some reason — the writers choose to have Sansa read? Because? I don’t know? She’s Not Like Other Girls (TM)? Horrifically unnecessary scene, unrealistic, gag-worthy bad writing. I’m taking Sansa away from them until they learn to play nice and write women with an ounce of respect.
Luckily, Dany is written somewhat better. Because gutters and pedestals in writing, don’t ya’ know. I’m salty. But anyway, Dany goes before the Khalasar and they discuss what’s to be done with her. More completely pointless assault comments. Dany makes threats and is generally a badass with eyebrow goals. And then she sets them on fucking fire. I love it. Fire cannot kill a dragon! Also Jorah and Dario barred the doors. When the doors burn down, Dany rolls out, not a scratch on her, and Emilia Clarke’s body double is looking fantastic. All of the Dothraki bow down before her.
YAAS QWEEN – err I mean. Yaaas Khalesi!
Maybe I’ll see Arya next week.
Tags: a song of ice and fire, game of thrones, game of thrones recap, got