Game of Thrones: No One But Arya
HBO’s Game of Thrones asks us a question this week. What happens to someone who’s assassination is thwarted by their own would-be assassin? Well for the actress who Arya refused to kill, the answer is save your not-killer’s life. Arya, bleeding from stabs to the stomach after ditching the House of Black and White, stumbled into the actress, Lady Crane’s dressing room. Arya turns down an invite to come be an actress in Pentos and instead suggests that she’d like to discover what’s West of Westeros. She takes some Milk of the Poppy, which I’m going on record as saying is a bad idea, and slips off to sleep.
Out in the woods, Sandor goes on an axe murder spree, offing all the Brotherhood fellas who killed the spiritual commune folks. Other than the yellow cloaked man. He goes looking for that one.
Tyrion’s gambit of making allies with the followers of the Lord of Light is going well enough. Though varys remains wary. Varys is also heading off back to Westeros seeking allies while they await Dany’s return. Where the hell is that girl?
Funny how Tyrion and Cersei parallel isn’t it? The religious allegiance gambit that failed so miserably is coming by to visit Cersei. Lancel and his religious star-forehead cronies come to collect Cersei and bring her to the Sparrow – who is now His Holiness The High Septon. She refuses and finally gives us the “I choose violence” line. Zombie Gregor makes very, very short work of one of the thugs (rips his fucking head off) while a low backbeat that seems to be something of a heavy metal Rains of Castamere thumps in the background. The others leave. Don’t fuck with Cersei, apparently. That scene was so cool I watched it twice.
My girl Brienne is finally at Riverrun. Pod points out the obvious while Bri gets distracted by the sight of Jaime Lannister. I still ship it guys, in case anyone was doubting. Bronn razzes Pod – who really is getting too old for a squire – and apparently he ships it, too, and he’s also a bit hot for Bri. Jaime is proud of Brienne and and I have a lot of FEELINGS about it. I love watching their interactions, because Jaime is the image of the ideal knight, while Brienne is the genuine article. It’s really moving to see their interplays. Anyway, while I ramble, Bri has struck a deal. She persuades the Blackfish to stand down and Jaime doesn’t attack and gives her safe passage North. She offers to return his sword and he turns it down, insisting that it’s hers, that it has always been hers. The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife and I desperately wish they’d just kiss already.
The Blackfish is a helluva’ hard sale. Brienne is stubborn as it’s possible to be and he still turns her down.
Cersei makes a rare public appearance in the throne room. There’s to be a royal announcement and not only was cersei not explicitly invited, she’s not allowed up on the deis with Tommen. Awkward. Tommen’s announcement is to announce the date of Cersei and Loras’s trial… and to a state that trial by combat is henceforth illegal. Which means that Cersei’s zombie Gregor ace in the hole does her no good at all. But apparently, some rumor she’s searching for the meaning behind is important so we shall see?
Tyrion is the king of bad influences. My dear sweet babies Missandei and Grey Worm are drinking wine with him because he insisted. He tries to tell a joke and it’s going horribly – a version of a “guy walks into a bar” joke. They don’t laugh, but I did. Missandei finally tells one, and then Grey Worm does and it’s all so damn cute! It’s great to see them loosen up… Until of course alarm bells start ringing and it’s the Masters, with a navy, come to reclaim their freed slaves. Uh oh.
Jaime tries to win over Edmure, which is hard to do when the person you’re trying to win over is tied to a post in a war camp. Not that Jaime’s never been there before, but still. Edmure cuts right to the bone; he asks if Jaime thinks he’s decent, asks him how he lives with himself, all this after everything he’s done. Jaime compares their sisters, Cersei and Cat. And he parrots a line that he said once, a long time ago: The things we do for love. He reminds Edmure that he doesn’t have to play nice at all, and that Edmure should take the deal while it’s good.
Edmure goes to the gate, and the Blackfish says not to let him in. The man who mans the gate is having a conflict of allegiance and like a dumbass takes the obvious bait and lets Edmure in, against all of the Blackfish’s instructions. Obviously, Edmure commands a surrender the second he’s inside. The siege party waltzes right in, and order that the Blackfish is to be arrested and given over to the Freys. Brienne and Pod flee on a boat as the Lannister standard is unfurled over Riverrun. Blackfish goes down fighting. Jaime is left on the battlements, confronting what a bag of dicks he is as he watches Brienne (cough cough a REAL knight cough cough) row away. They wave goodbye to one another. I still ship it.
Mereen is under fire. The Masters have, clearly, not honored their deal, and are lobbing fireballs at the city. There’s a huge thump on the pyramid. Everyone starts bowing. The Queen is home. Wait, sorry, not a queen. A Khaleesi. And she’s got a sick ride. A sick, giant, flying, fire breathing ride.
Out in the woods, Sandor has found the yellow cloak guy. He runs into the main bunch of the Brotherhood guys about to hang them for what they did to the Septon and his people. Luckily it’s people he knows, Beric Dondarrion, the guy who was dead and came back to life because crazy Lord of Light shit. They let him personally kill two of the three men, though he won’t let him axe murder them, just knock the blocks out from underneath. Sandor takes yellow cloak’s boots and I approve. The Brotherhood tries to win Sandor over, insist it’s not too late for him.
While Arya keeps sleeping, Lady crane seems to be up to something sketchy, but just then she gets brutally murdered by the lob haircut gal. Apparently she’s promised the many faced god Arya’s name. Arya is off like an action flick, and it’s a great chase sequence. (My guess is that lob haircut will end up in some trouble, since this is an awful big scene for an organization that prides itself on mystery.) Arya is bleeding again, and who will she turn to this time? Herself, it seems, as she makes it back to where she has Needle stashed. She cuts the lights and blind fights off-screen. She apparently annihilates lob haircut, since we see her face added to the House of Black and White, with Jaqen assuring her that she is, finally No One. (I guess one apprentice had to kill the other?)
Arya says no. She isn’t no one. She is Arya Stark of Winterfell, and she’s going home. Girl, could you not at least learn to snatch faces first? Whatever, I’m proud as all get out of her. Best character to have a tattoo for ever.
Tags: a song of ice and fire, ASOIAF, game of thrones, game of thrones recap, got