Sucker Punch Sucks
Question: What do the reviewers think of Sucker Punch? The movie reviews are in and Sucker Punch has to be one of the most reviled movies of all time. The consensus is that occasional interesting visuals do not make up for a boring and despicable story line and hypocritically sanctimonious attitude.
The action and the music are like the fresh tasty hot dog inside a rotten moldy bun … Maybe it’s because all the women are victims and all the men are as disgusting as could be imagined, with no shades of gray on either side … As an attempt at female empowerment, Sucker Punch fails miserably. That is, unless we were to measure success the way Texas gubernatorial candidate Clayton Williams once joked, that a girl should relax and enjoy it.
—Slackerwood, Mike Saulters
Sucker Punch is such a bad movie that it raises the bar for what counts as terrible … If you like licking the goo out of a dormitory shower drain, you’re going to love the whack-a-mole subtlety of Snyder’s social critique … Is this movie Zack Snyder’s masturbatory fantasy? A lot of people have been asking this question, and I think the answer has to be no, unless Snyder has incredibly unsexy fantasies. Though this movie has women in tiny outfits, you’re going to see less skin here than you would in an average episode of Baywatch. And unlike Baywatch, there’s nothing fun to jack off to in Sucker Punch, unless you’re into the sounds of an offscreen rape … Watching Babydoll transition from stripper to fighter feels like watching somebody hog a videogame. Sure it looks kind of cool, but if you can’t ever grab the controller and get invested in the avatars bouncing all over the screen, it’s just boring and pointless after a few minutes … To add insult to injury, the CGI is surprisingly lame in a lot of places
—io9, Annalee Newitz
Zack Snyder’s SUCKER PUNCH is a movie so terrible that it retroactively makes his entire body of work worse. It is a soulless automaton of a movie, lumbering loudly from scene to scene, knowing where it has been told to go, but never giving a shit about where it’s ending up. It’s like spending two hours in the mind of a chronically masturbating thirteen year old boy who can’t keep his hands off his thing long enough to hold a halfway decent conversation. It is a movie that demands an endless stream of metaphors describing it, because simple phrases like “sucks shit through a straw” don’t quite do its awfulness justice … This movie is career suicide … The film is an embarrassment, a black eye on entertainment
—Ain’t It Cool News, Massawyrm
Tomatometer Top Critics 10%, It’s technically impressive and loaded with eye-catching images, but without characters or a plot to support them, all of Sucker Punch’s visual thrills are for naught.
An indecipherable, hypocritical mess that proves you can fill a movie with scantily-clad women with big guns and it can still bore one to tears.
—Reelz, Richard Roeper
With a touch of humor — with any at all — “Sucker Punch,” which Mr. Snyder wrote with Steve Shibuya, might have acknowledged the campy, kinky aspects of its premise. But even as it exploits, within the hypocritical constraints of the PG-13 rating, salacious images of exposed flesh and threatened innocence, the film also self-righteously traffics in moral outrage … there is nothing here to enjoy, beyond the tiny satisfaction in noting that the movie lives up to its name.
—New York Times, A. O. Scott
One man’s fantasy is another’s torture … 0 stars … The film abdicates so many basic responsibilities of coherent storytelling, even coherent stupid-action-movie storytelling, director/co-writer/co-producer Zack Snyder must have known in preproduction that his greasy collection of near-rape fantasies and violent revenge scenarios disguised as a female-empowerment fairy tale wasn’t going to satisfy anyone but himself.
—Chicago Tribune, Michael Phillips
At some point, to be an artist — or even a decent member of any community — a person needs to own what he or she does. I am sick to death of fake media from these creepy losers who are still angry that nobody liked them the first time they went out to some goth club over a decade ago. I don’t know Zack Snyder personally, but I would bet money I couldn’t afford to lose that he fits the stereotype of the angry uncool rejected guy who never got over it … Dear target-demographic-for-products-from-Zack-Snyder-and-other-geek-rage-losers, fantasizing about being a sex worker is not actually cooler than your real life. Doing something is better than just fantasizing, even if what you can do is not as awesome as what you can imagine. Nothing wrong with fantasy, but never let some marketer convince you that what is cool about you is how fucked up you are. They are trying to disempower you and you have to be strong enough to prevent your lobotomy.
—Blue Blood, Amelia G
Tags: amelia g, annalee newitz, chicago tribune, io9, lobotomy, massawyrm, mike saulters, movie reviews, richard roeper, sucker punch, sucks, zack snyder