doomclam

Academic botany never held much interest for me. Oh, sure, I smoked the odd plant from time to time during academics, but I had never been drawn to the serious study of flora and fauna beyond a hobby. I was a medical student. My focus was studying what lurked in the deep recesses of the human body. The whence of strange pains and the what of disgusting growth. I wanted to know what made us tick and why, and what went on inside. Thanks to the city of Munich, I was learning. Having had a natural affinity...

Anybody else seen the Saw movies? In particular, Saw II.
Anyways, that's a bastardization of one of my favorite lines which can now apply to my own life. I have had that charging through my head for the last few days and it shows no signs of shutting up.

I'm sick of feeling stupid, ugly, inconsequential, wrong and cast aside. Everything I do seems to backfire, everything I think I understand proves to be wrong, and it's my fault that it is. I do my best to share what's important but it's either rage and butthurt inducing or meh. I guess some days affection is directed elsewhere. That's ok, it's not like I need any of it. I didn't try to make things right, I just flail around hurting everybody in my path and fucking things up. And it's all the same;...

Yes. Fuck you. Fuck you for things that will not remain buried. Things that should remain in the past. Things that shoud, but won't, despite your best intentions. Logic does not equal. Enough.

Headphones have a way of blocking out the outside world. Duh. That's the point. Stop pointing out the obvious.
They allow you to focus, to hear things in a way normally impossible. No music is mixed without headphones at some point, because with headphones it is the only way to completely focus upon WHAT YOU ARE HEARING.
Like last night, for example. I was hearing [ok reading a text message from] a friend's angst and his emotional pain, stemming from a recent breakup with his girlfriend...