i wish to be locked in a dark room with joey jordison for 24 hours

first of all, you didn't grant the wish of corpus draconis - for shame. go back and make things right.

second, your wish is granted, bitter - however, joey has brought along the girl he really wants to be with and ignores you for the full 24 hours.


i wish i had rocket powered boots.

Granted- You love your rocket boots so much that you decide to try them on a down hill road with lots of bends, while almost near the bottom you go out of control and fall the side of the road and break every bone in your body and your boots, you then lay in a hospital bed for the rest of your life.

I wish I could hack into any computer in the world and erase anything I pleased.

granted, except you accidentally hack into god's computer and erase yourself.

first.


i wish i had sculpted abs.

Granted. Now you have most wonderfully scuplted abs attracting very large breasted women to you like flies to honey. The only problem is it also brings in tow their very anger management head case boyfriends/husbands. Soon you are lynched and your abs are ripped from your dead body and given to the neighborhood dogs as food.

I wish I wasn't so scared all the time.

Granted - Instead of being scared all the time, you find everything to extreamly inviting and you accidently stick you hand into a blender.

I wish I could do jedi mindtricks.

You can do Jedi mindtricks, but while you were mindtricking some broad you picked up in the street, you lose focus of the road and have a devastating crash. You wake up a month later with severe amnesia, and are never able to recall the method of the Jedi.

I wish I had not burnt my thumb this afternoon.

Granted - Instead of buring your thumb, you accidently catch your pants on fire.

I wish I had a pet.

(edit: since Sin beat me to Ice's wish! :))
Granted. But your pet ends up being a wild boar that's VERY angry........

I wish I owned the new 2006 Honda Civic EX.

granted. and when you try to start it, you realize it's just a shell. it's missing the engine, the gas pedal, the brake pedal, the clutch and the transmission.


i wish the temperature stayed at a cool, non-humid 75 - 80 all year long.

Granted. But somehow all that nice weather causes you to break out into nasty rashes and boils. Soon no one will be able to stand to be near you because of the putrid smells coming from the opening sores that have pus leaking out.

I wish I wasn't so short.

Granted - Instead of being short, you grow to be 10 foot tall and you are now unable to enter any building and everyone in the world now sees you as a enormus freak. The result is you being exiled to antarctica for the rest of your life.

I wish my pet was a nice boar.

rats - sin beat me to it.

for sin - granted. except he's a nice, horny, homosexual boar and rapes you while you sleep.

for eyes - granted. you grow. a lot. in fact, it doesn't stop and in due time, your bones are not able to support you. they crack and crumble, spilling your grotesquely distorted body across the earth, tearing through your flesh, which has been stretched far too tight. and soon, the rats come, attracted to the smell of fresh meat and blood. they devour you whole, leaving those massive, shattered bones to dry in the sun.


i wish i was spider man.

Granted - While sling web around the city you accidently get attached to a low flying plane on a miss aim. You are now being dragged because you ran out of web. When the plane goes to land you are dragged along the runway killing you. (Something like this happened to a friend of mine, except it was a school bus and he did not die.)

I wish I had my boar nuttered before it could become horny.

granted - and neutering it turned its aggressive sexual urges to hunger. so, instead of ****** you while you sleep, it just eats your genitals.


i wish a pretty girl walked up to me right now and kissed me. i could use one.

Granted- The hottest girl you've ever seen comes right up to you and sticks her tongue down your throat and gives you a long sloppy one, but she gives you the worst case of herpes doctors have ever seen and you end up looking like the girl from cabin fever that's in my avatar.

I wish I had a bottomless keg that grew massive amounts of herb.

Granted - Your bottomless keg of herb is the most delightful thing in the world, but while your smoking some of your herb you pass outand your blunt catches the keg on fire destroying it.

I wish I killed my boar!

Granted....you have killed your boar, and it's dead, but The boar had random diseases in its blood and the bloodstains all over your shirt accidentally touches the open sores in your skin, and now you have contracted aids from your pet boar, So basically, you're getting what you might of got if you haven't neutered your horny boar.

I wish my skin didn't go a horrible mouldy orange colour when I use fake tan....

Granted. Rather than turning orange, your face begins melting off, dripping like candle wax down your neck.

I wish my mother would learn to speak English better.

Granted, after getting hooked on phonics she begins to annunciate so well she is offered a job as a Voice actor. She is approached by J.K Rowling to read for the next Harry Potter book, to which she does and is hired, and the book arrives at your home a year in advance to everyone else.

On the night of its arrival a group of Potterites break into your home, kill everyone, and steal the book…before you even get to read one fucking page.

I wish there was a machine that could just zap away the hurricanes.

Granted - Upon the frist use of your anti-hurricane ray it works perfectly, however on your second use of it, it cause the huricane not to go away but to gain the force of the frist hurricane.

I wish that I never wished for a pet.

granted. and just as you throw your hands up in exasperation over the whole pet thing, a drunk driving a beat-up, rusted out, white and blue 1978 ford pick-truck plows your ass over.


i wish i was more awake for this shift tonight. fuck.

Granted. You find yourself suddenly alert and enthusiastic.... and stay that way. You've developed a horrid case of insomnia, and try as you might, sleep eludes you. Soon your body fails to perform certain functions, for need of rest. You are found dead, your eyes staring into nothing... surrounded by bottles of what were, apparently, ineffective sleeping pills.

I wish the lizards would stay out of my house.

Granted, the Lizards are out of your house, but they were the only thing that kept your house standing, so you house crumbles and you become a homeless person living on the streets and you get into prostitution so you can get money to buy your lovely goth clothes.

To E_E: nooooo! what happened to your Spiderman?

I wish I got a brand spanking new rocking V (A guitar for you idiots)

demonista - yessssssssssssssss! poor spidey needed a rest. he's been jumping around here for months.

i change the ol' avatar every-so-often. there's a kick-ass one of wallace's sword i'm trying to find (thanx again, al), but that one there <- will do 'til i can locate it.
-----------------------------

now... about that guitar...

granted. and as you strum that six string for the very first time, they all snap, effectively taking out both eyes and severing the nerves in four fingers - erego, no more guitar playing for you, missy.


i wish i smelled good, even when i sweat. a lot.