I guess I was kind of speaking more from personal experience and I really shouldn't have generalized like that. Let me rephrase it to the main reason why most of the people I know who became anorexic (and at my school that was about half of the girls it was really quite sad)

This reminds me so much of the vampire chronicles when lestat is first made ans then falls in love with everything.

I agree, but I think, subconciously, some people see it that way, which is just retarded....

Ok this is like the fourth time I've tried to post this and it keeps hanging every time I press submit reply (which means I don't know if the other post attempts are going to suddenly appear but anyway) so I am going to try splitting this up into smaller blocks and see if that helps. *hmmph*

I agree, saying it's the media's fault makes it seem as if it's just some sort of crazy diet gone out of control based on nothing more than vanity and image seeking when it is so much more complex than that. Anorexia Nervosa is a recognised Psychiatric illness that recent research has shown has a biological brain disorder basis to it as well as genetical factors as well (they've actually isolated a gene they believe is responsible for making people more susceptible to developing the illness). I have actually suffered from Anorexia Nervosa since the age of 8 (I am now 34 almost 35 so that's a total of nearly 27 years) and the media has played absolutely no role in it for me. Of course that's not to say that the media can't be a factor in other people's experience with Anorexia, just that, as I said before, it is so much more complicated than that.

(part 2)

I had body image issues from around the age of 5 or 6 but it's not as if I looked at a magazine or saw someone on TV or in a film and thought "damn I feel fat now I have to lose weight so I can look like her". When I was 8 I just suddenly began to feel compelled to eat in a very ritualistic manner. It actually started out as a sort of childish talisman type game, you know the kind where you go "if I get to the corner before the lights change so and so will like me", except for me it was "if I eat 3 bites of this and 2 bites of that and don't eat such and such at all then I will be safe". I don't know quite what triggered this in the first place (I only know it had nothing to do with the media or any part of it) but very quickly I realised that food restriction had a very pleasant effect on me, it made me feel nice and calm and grounded. Soon after that not eating became my way of coping with stress, anxiety and so on and considering I had a childhood anxiety disorder this happened on a very regular basis. It developed from there and I found myself not only feeling compelled to restrict food in order to cope with certain feelings and issues but also to compensate for when I did eat, for example by excessively exercising or not allowing myself to eat over a certain amount of calories for a few days or punishing myself in some way. I didn't really understand why I was doing it, it wasn't as if it was something I decided to do, I just felt as if I "had" to do it.

part 3

In this early stage I didn't realise the connection between my behaviours and my negative body image (feeling fat, fear of getting fat, wanting to lose weight etc etc). If you had asked me why I was doing what I was doing I wouldn't have said "because I feel fat and want to lose weight", I probably would have said something along the lines of "it makes me feel safe" (or words to that effect. Apparently this is common in children under the age of 10 who develop Anorexia, and it's not until they are a little older that the two things become connected. By age 10 this is what happened with me and I realised that the behaviours were not only a coping mechanism but they also related to my negative body image issues. Even then it's not as if I looked at a picture or saw something in a film or whatever and thought to myself "oh ok so that's why I am doing this, I feel fat and want to look like this particular celebrity" and this is how it has remained throughout my entire experience with this illness. The media has no effect whatsoever on this for me, because for me it has absolutely no relationship to my illness. For me this is a coping mechanism, a validation of worth, a cry for help and a way to destroy myself, it is not about fitting a media ideal or looking like a certain celebrity or wearing a certain size in clothing.

How are you doing nowadays?

Incidentally one thing I really hate is hearing people say shit like "oh I wish I had Anorexia so I could lose a few pounds". No no no and no!! You have no idea what you are asking for, this really seriously is not something you want in your life even for a moment. I wouldn't wish this illness on anyone, not even my worse enemy, it is a shitty and soul destroying way to exist. I know some poor deluded souls are under the false impression that Anorexia will make them thin and pretty, and nothing could be further from the truth. Because of Anorexia I have lost some of my teeth (I wear a partial denture) and severely damaged others, my digestive system doesn't work properly...I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (which equals pain, bloating, embarrasing wind and alternating constipation and diahrrea) as well as Gastroparesis (delayed gastric emptying which makes me feel nauseous and uncomfortable a lot of the time)...and I have suffered permanent damage to my muscles which means they contract and spasm in ways they are not meant to which sometimes makes it difficult for me to walk or move around and means I face a lifetime of chronic pain. Oh yeah Anorexia Nervosa is reaaaallll glamorous...missing teeth, fucked up bowels and constant physical pain, what more could you ask for ;) *shakes head*

p.s I can't be bothered writing out the details all over again but to cut a long story short I've been in Recovery now (or at least trying) for the past 2 and half almost 3 years and managed to maintain a reasonably healthy (for me) weight during that time, although I am struggling a bit at the moment.

Damn -- so sorry to hear that, but you appear to be a strong and intelligent person -- man, that is such a hard fight....

I'm doing better than what I have in the past (managing to maintain a thin but healthy weight for a start) although I am still very much trapped by the illness and struggling on a daily basis. I'll write more detail once I've had a bit of a rest, it's 6.30 am here and I really should try and get at least some sleep.

I regret letting myself go and gaining quite a few pounds. And the problem is I was already the curvy, fleshy type to begin with. I was happy with myself. Now I seem to have lost my shape. Arrg, and I would have already lost fifteen pound by now if I stopped breaking my diet.

Damn you, éclairs, cinnamon rolls, and many other tasty treats. Stop temping me!! I don't need you.

Shut up, people! It's a serious problem. And don't think it's funny because I'm from Houston.

Well, keep up the good fight! You'll be in my thoughts... ( I would say prayers, but I don't go there...)

On the topic of body image, in general, I will say this; I started developing early. I had always been told, when I was little, how beautiful I was. And thus, I expected to grow up to become a Barbie look-alike. I was far from it; short, big-breasted, voluptuous in the "chubby" sense of the word. It is naturally my build; I stand at 4'11. If I weigh 128 lbs, I look absolutely perfect, for me. No bulging stomach, no chubby arms. So yes, the ideal weight varies upon the individual. I am currently trying to lose weight. From my ideal weight, I gained approximately 13 lbs. I began to hate myself, and the reflection I saw daily. I thought, and still do, that no man would ever want me. That something had gone horribly wrong during my maturation, and I had become ugly. It is the hindrance that prevents me from doing more than looking at other boys my age. I was chubby for six years at that point. My father used to tease me about my weight, starting when I was ten, in a bid to get me to lose weight. I, who he always thought was beautiful. To this day, he still dreads the idea of seeing me in a sleeveless shirt. It stems from a family insecurity; my grandmother also had a voluptuous build, although not in the "chubby" sense. She was at least a nine out of ten. The boys in her school used to tease her; she took offense, and her volptuousness was gone. She had lost forty pounds, and looked anorexic. She was 5'6, and, at one point, under 100 lbs. My mother's deepest fear is that I become her; I do not have an eating disorder, but, from my perspective, physical insecurity can be a treacherous foe. My love for my body varies with the scale; when the numbers are in my favor, I appreciate my body. When I gain weight, however, I become self-loathing, and looking for any way to change myself. I am currently trying to figure out how much food my body really needs daily. I am thankful that my mother is there to aid me in my own fight against insecurity, and insure that I won't become my grandmother.

it isn't just how much you eat it can be how you eat it. I have found that it is much easier to maintian my weight (which is all that I want to do) by eating many smaller meals throughout the day than to have three main meals. This way I have no desire to snack and I tend to pick foods the come in smaller portions like yogurt, fruit, and fish instead of steak and those foods tend to be the ones that are better for you but at the same time I'm not saying no to steak so I don't feel deprived. That and this is a method that you can use no matter how many calories you plan to take in and works for gaining, loosing, and maintaining weight

I'm not condoning anorexia at all...but it is definitely a show of control. I realize it is a disorder, and closely linked to OCD, but it still shows the person has control.

Hmm, fat or skinny? How about "neither?" I prefer "average." Too much overweight is gross (that reminds me that I need to start exercising) and so it to far underweight. If I can see your hip bones and collar bones, that's okay. If I can see any other bones, ew. If I can't see any bones at all, ugh.

I don't recall ever seeing my bones. EVER. I was a fat child and now I am a fat adult ( size 20 ) . I hate it but I am trying to do something about it :(

But you are very pretty nonetheless. We've seen the pictures.

Don't feel bad. When I was younger, I could see just about all my bones. Now, I can't see any of them. At last you're consistent. :D

Well...thankyou, but it doesn't make me feel any better about myself I'm afraid. I have acne and twelve chins :(

Honeythorn: You are sooo beautiful. Shush!

Oh, and Emerald: :) I hear girls talking about how easy it would be, and "fun."
I send them a link to this
Replace the *********** with live journal minus the space.
>_>

I am aware that many teenagers starve themselves in order to reach a certain weight. The media does indeed corropt the minds of many people. It is important to take your weight into account, but not to take into an extreme. I am currently happy with my weight, I am a bit below the average for my age and height. There are certainly both extremes in weight, and it is important to maintain a balance. Some people have greater metabolism in thier bodies which allows them to eat a lot of food and still remain skinny. While there are others who eat a little bit of something and gain a considerable amount of weight. You have to know your own limits, as to what you can and cannot eat.

It's not so much the size as the shape... some girls look like hell as soon as they gain a few pounds because their bodies just aren't made to hold extra weight, and some girls' natural weight is 15 pounds over 'normal,' and they look great at that weight. As long as the shape is feminine, it doesn't really matter what the actual dimensions are... but the Michelin Man look isn't too hot.

For the record, I weigh quite a bit less than my girlfriend, and she's absolutely gorgeous. Then again, I barely make the three-digit mark. Heh.

:D im a size 18-22 and im proud of my apperance, so many people i know hate me because of it :P but i don't care.

They are thin and everything, but it's most likely that their arteries are clogged with the fat they eat rather than the rest of their body.