Fuck Burger King
 

Let me just say, I'm not the kind of guy to get upset when somebody gets my order wrong at fast food places, in fact, half the time, I'll just say fuck it and enjoy what it is that I got. I'm just easy going like that.

However

Tonight I went to my favorite of fast food places, Burger King. I ordered a veggie burger and a mocha joe. Like usual, as soon as I got my drink (I was at the drive through) I took a sip. What I had was not a delicious iced mocha, in all it's chocolatey goodness, I had a cup of cold coffee on ice. Very little milk (It was that awful shit brown color) and not even the slightest hint of chocolate.

Well, seeing as I just paid two of my dollars for a cup of cold black coffee, I asked politely if they could add some milk and chocolate to my drink. The guy at the window said the chocolate won't mix when the coffee is already cold. "Ok" I think, "Well, then could you make me another, please?". The guy just gives me this nasty look and says that would be really inconvenient.

Now, what the little guy didn't know was that I worked at that very same burger king for two years. Making a mocha joe takes all of three seconds. Mix chocolate and milk with coffee, pour into cup of ice. Easy as pie.

So I tell him that it's rather inconvenient that I just paid two dollars for a cup of cold coffee. With a sigh, he tells me to pull around and he'll have my drink.

Great, everything is good. I pull around and get back, and the guy is standing there with this huge shit eating grin. Alarm bells ring in my head. I know that grin. I've had that grin. That's the "I just fucked with this guy's food" grin. He hands me a mocha joe. I figure, what the hell, a little spit never killed anybody, and I take it, say thanks, and drive on my way.

Gnet, That little fucker put chocolate laxative in my drink. I know. I can taste it. I know how it tastes. I also know that's an age old trick.

Needless to say, I didn't drink it, nor did I go back to Burger King. I ended up going to sonic and getting my sugary coffee iced goodness, and was pleased. The veggie burger was also top notch. mm. Tomatoey.

My question is though, what the fuck is wrong with teenagers now that I, being 19 and technically a teenager, want to start shaking my fist and telling them to get off my damn lawn?

Am I really one of those douchebag customers for wanting some chocolate flavor when I order something with MOCHA in the name? Honestly?

It's ok. I called the manager and told him about the guy at the window since I'm observant and got his name from his tag. Although nothing will probably happen, I like to think he got his come uppance.

I find this laxative story highly unlikely.

Yeah. So, what, they keep chocolate laxatives at Burger King?
For what reason????

It's possible that the employee had laxatives on his person, but really, I think if you hadn't already been suspicious you wouldn't have tasted anything out of the ordinary. I think it was all in your head. If you said it tasted like laxatives and then you shit your pants I'd think it was more plausible.

I've worked at Burger King, McDonalds, and Long John Silvers. At both Burger King and Long John Silvers, there was always a bottle kept hidden somewhere for obnoxious customers. It could have been in my head, but having put chocolate laxatives in milkshakes at that same burger king...

Maybe I just shouldn't eat there anymore.

Maybe.....

That's so weird. I wonder why we never did that at any of the sit-down restaurants I've worked at. Do you live in a questionable area?

"Questionable area"....he-he-he

Nope. I live in a small southern town. I think in the past four years we've had like, two murders. The worst thing we get is meth distribution.

Maybe it's because it's the difference between fast-food and actual restaurants. That and the two out of three that had the laxative (and were not ashamed to spit/fuck with food in general) the management was actually only a year or two older than me (and considering I was like, 14-17 at those times...)

At McDonald's we had just gave people as close to the opposite of what they wanted as we could get. I really loved that job. I should go back there. I'm totally shift-manager material.

Always go inside if you're going to have something replaced on the order. Be polite but firm. Do not project an attitude ... people in those places work too hard for not enough money (I don't care what their age is.) Make it clear you're just asking for what you paid for.

I don't ever have a problem getting my order corrected.

Really? In my experience, Sonic has the worst fucking customer service I've ever seen at a fast food chain.

One time I got some kind of bacon-cheeseburger thing at Sonic. Once I got the burger, I opened up the wrapper and chowed down. Something didn't feel right. It tasted... wrong. But I couldn't quite put my finger on what exactly did feel wrong. So I opened up the bun and looked inside and they forgot to put the burger on my burger. It was just bread, lettuce, tomato, onions, and condiments. I was literally dumbfounded.

And this isn't the only example of just plain confounding service I've gotten with Sonic.

Some people order that, I shit you not. I used to work at Wendy's (very briefly! Years ago!) and once I got an order for a veggie burger. With hope in my eyes, I asked someone else, "We have veggie burgers?!" turns out a veggie burger in some places is just the bun, veggies and condiments. Maybe it got mixed up with another order.

Anyway, if I knew any place I worked at had a bottle of laxative for crappy customers, I wouldn't eat there. That's a bad, bad sign.

Yeah... about the laxative thing... I must say that at every restaurant I have ever worked at, messing with some ones food would be a pink slip and a shove out the door ESPECIALLY if it were potentially harmful or made the food unsanitary.

I must say though... a shit eating grin from a kid who was previously pissy with you... is ...a sketchy thing.

He probably just wiped a booger in there.

I can understand the whole Burger King situation. I have had similar situations like that. And yes, some people do place laxatives inside terrible customers drinks. I have seen it happen, heard about it, and experienced it.

I would put an uppercut in your drink. Just saying.

What did i do?

I would PAY to see you put an uppercut in his drink Versus. I can picture it in my head, a glorious fist bursting from the drink, speeding toward his chin. Then CONTACT. Of course, there would be a slow motion scene as his head flew back, drink flowing in a glorious arch of pure liquid cool.


MAKE IT HAPPEN

And i want to put a razorblade in your candy.

Oh, how daringly original.

Scouts only eat their dead and drink the blood of their enemies.

That was out of no where but alright?

Your first mistake was trying to buy "gourmet" coffee at a BURGER KING.

Then your mistake was not saying:

"Dude. I worked here. at this exact burger king. It takes like three seconds. What are you doin' to me?"

Though if you could read the "I just gave this fucker laxative" look on his face, he probably just really wanted to give someone laxative.

Kid probably came out and was like: "Dude, I just gave this fucker laxative! OWNED!" and everyone else was like: "Will you stop doing that? You're going to get us caught".

Also: Laxative tastes like total shit. How do people not notice it?

Edit: Also, WHY THE FUCK didn't you keep the drink and turn the little douchebag in to the manager?

The guy's got a point, actually he's got quite a few...