Doing it for the first time
 

read_ministry is Available
Me:
hey there
dread_ministry :
hey, what's up?
Me:
a lot on my mind
dread_ministry:
Anything you want to talk about?
Me:
sure
alright
Everything's all good and well, and what i'm gonna talk about is also all good and well. I decided to try and lose my virginity today with a coworker
...well I've never been the type to just go out and have sex with everyone. That's not me. I have minimal experience. I've gone down on my ex, and i've been eaten out. But I've never had anal penetration. I don't really consider myself a virgin, except anally and vaginally
Well...my coworker, his name is Jeff, have been hitting it off since I've gotten to work. It's lust, though, not love. I understood that b4 we did anything.
He is a fine looking colombian man. Well...I met up with him today and we were gonna do it. Skip to the important stuff, I had a bad feeling about it.
But I decided to anyways. We met up and tried to do it...and no, I didn't tell him, which I regret now cause I probably should've. He freaked out after trying to go in two times...And then I kind of blurted it out..and you can guess the rest...movie moment. He's not angry with me. Actually, he's still my friend. And I don't feel like i've lost anything. Cause as I said, my mother and I both have attributed a huge value to virginity since b4 I can remem and I wanted to be free of those restraints. I thought about it b4 I did it.
dread_sinister :
So you're still a virgin?
Me:
What I didn't anticipate...was it hurting so much. Lol. Well we didn't do it, but I found out that he is a really deep thinker, into psychology and shit. We're staying friends.
dread_ministry :
He didn't know you were a virgin before hand but you told him right before you guys did anything that you just wanted to lose your virginity?
Me:
no...I told him after he tried twice to penetrate and then blood came out and he freaked out.
no i didn't say it like that. It was after. He doesn't want to be my first. I understand where he's coming from . I don't feel bad about it. The experience. Wish i'd gone about it differently. But as far as the wall being somewhat broken...no
and yes we used condoms
no spill
dread_ministry :
Thats kind of him
Why doesn't he want to be your first though?
Me:
yeah. But some guys are like that. Which I prefer, I guess. I have a lot of respect for him now. He doesn't want the
whats the world
baggage?
yeah that's it
like...
dread_ministry :
OH ok
I get it.
Me:
he likes girls with experience. doesn't want me to get all clingy.
dread_ministry :
He doesn't want you to form that unhealthy attachment with him
Me:
yeah
he said even if i told him it would have been a "no".
dread_ministry :

I guess you'll just have to wait to get a boyfriend
Me:
i think this day was portended a little. i heard a lot earlier. But decided to do it anyway. But it's a learning experience.
yeah...i'm not trying to change his mind
question...i guess my first time is gonna heard...wel my 2nd lol
but does it EVENTUALLY feel good ion any way?
dread_ministry :
Yeah
After the first or second time, you get used to it and it feels great
IDK about anal though, never done it.
Me:
not sure if i want that either
dread_ministry :
lol, Im happy with vaginal sex

Alright. This is a conversation I had with my friend today after I decided my hand at having vaginal sex for the first time. As you can see, it didn't go quite as planned. I thought I would come out, having had sex for the first time, but I came out feeling just as inexperienced as I did going in. I undertsand his reasons for not wanting to have sex with me, but I really feel like I don't want to wait, and feel that if I am a first timer with any man they are going to reject me because they're going to feel like i'm going to get clingy to them or something. I feel alone, but do not think that sex is the answer, but that it's going to be the deciding factor in order for me to get a boyfriend(Which is the first step in any relationship). I was wondering if you could share...Perhaps ways I or you have gotten through this hurdle.

First of all, how old are you?

Secondly, any guy who likes you enough to date you shouldn't care that you're a virgin and should work with you to overcome it (if that's how you want to put it). However, sex is not the reason to get into a relationship, and I hope you do not think that. For your first time you may not appreciate it as much if you don't really care about the person you're committing to it with, especially as a female. I personally find that sex is dreadfully overrated, but maybe because every time feels like my first time which is the least amount of fun you can have while doing it.

Yeah um you really need to think about what your first time will be like because that didn't sound too good and that kind of thing stays with you for life. I totally regret my first time. In fact given the chance I would kill the guy I lost my virginity to so I can pretend it never happened and do it again with someone more deserving. You only get one shot though. LOL

Yeah I'm wondering that myself, I've never heard anyone call sexual intercourse "vaginal sex".

um...I have, there are lots of forms of sexual intercourse, vaginal sex is just the most common form.

*edit* then again I study human sexuality so I may not exactly be the norm

This is your 1st and only post? You joined Gnet just to tell us this? I really hope joining an internet forum and spilling your first sexual experience to total strangers isn't the only option you had for discussing this issue. I find that hard to believe and suspect this is merely a cry for attention.

Lastly, I'm not a woman so I can't say that my advice is best, but I've always felt women should just pop their own cherry. Seriously. It hurts, it's messy and it's scary so why not do it with the only person you can trust and can't embarrass yourself with and won't come to despise you after the fact. That way when you finally do sleep with a guy at least one of you will know the territory. Personally, I'd never sleep with a girl who hadn't gone spelunking at least a couple times.

Spot on mate, what he said. I wish someone had told me that all those years ago . .

As bad as it was to have that much pain my first time (I actually cried), I am glad it was done with the guy I slept with, rather than alone in my room, I wouldn't know how to explain the blood and the crying to my roommate XD

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I always feel awkward giving sexual advice to young girls since I'm neither young or a girl. I always worry that I sound too much like Humbert and people will get the wrong idea.

No. It is no cry for attention. For as long as I can remember, I've attatched a high vale to my virginity, and frankly, am tired of having orgasms without touch and masturbating, all because I want it so badly but have always been afraid to do it. I am 20 years old, going on 21. I,m not getting any younger, and I would like to be the sortb of person who can have casual sex and not make a big deal about it. -

Make sure it's not so casual that you're risking your health.

Damn I am glad I didn't have a hymen: trying to achieve penetration was (and still is) painful enough much less trying to break through a fleshy membrane as well.

I think mine got popped by a tampon cuz other than menstrual flow no blood has ever come out of there so I really can't give much personal advice as far as how to best lose yours. I can, however, give you some advice based on physiology. First off tell your partner, you don't want to blood to freak him out and you should go slow and easy to minimize pain, also you should have some lube around as most people are a bit nervous their first time and nerves can slow lubrication (and lack of lubrication causes pain which most people want to avoid). Put a a dark towel or something down as the blood flow can be significant and you really don't want to have to worry about causing blood stains. Lastly try being on top, it give you the ability to control the depth, angle, and speed of penetration so you can do what is easiest for you and you can find what works best for your body.

Happy Humping!

Oh mon Dieu, this is so terrible. I'll never forgive you.

Sex is overrated, I hope this isn't the only reason you registered.

I was drunk as hell on holiday my first time. Drunk enough not to feel a damn thing in fact, and fortunately he wasn't exactly large if you catch my drift. Norwegian chap, delightful accent. Second time was better but still nothing to rave about AT ALL. And that constitutes the lot for me. I often wonder now why people even bother, or get so bloody worked up about it( or get worked up about not getting it for a while) .... But I suspect that's my lack of experience talking. *shrug*

You would like to be that sort of person, but can you be?

I honestly wish I could be that sort of person too, but I can't. I'm a bit of a prude, can't help it. If I were to force myself to have casual sex I'd probably be miserable with guilt afterwards. I was 20 when I lost my virginity, I lost it to a guy who I was dating for two weeks. I let him know when we started going out, he was fine with it, although the first time wasn't great (actually I never stopped hurting completely for another month, but then again he was hung like a horse). So I didn't wait until I loved him or anything, but I don't feel I threw it away. We broke up after four months and it was hard, but life goes on.

But really, 20 years old isn't bad. I still have friends who are virgins, friends who are easy and friends who are engaged and friends with babies. I have friends who threw it away and regretted it, and friends who have only ever had casual sex and are proud of it.

But I side with honeythorn. Its not worth getting worked up with either way, I think. Just makes sure you'll be okay with what you do.

Yeah my human sexuality prof said it at the end of class today, I thought it warranted repeating.

I believe I lost a partial part of my hymen doing something similar. I took a pabsmear test and started to bleed afterwards. This was a few years ago.

Anyway, all is good. Said guy actually still talks to me, and I didn't feel akward at work earlier, and he even asked if I was alright today afterwards. He doesn't even mind doing non penetrable sex with me.

As far as my little journey to lose it, yeah I will definitely try being on top next time(Not with him, of course, but, well, i'll figure that out). Minimizing pain...blah blah blah....Tell him not to freak out. Using lube would have probably been a great idea...but oh well. Learning experience.

Ha! So vaginal sex IS a word...

Well i'm not trying to be funny...But we're not talking about your standards. We're talking about mine. And i've decided that it's right for me to lose mine. Luckily, I didn't feel like killing myself or something after he said he wouldn't finish the task...Or even a day after. Or even now. I actually feel really mature, like I thought through all of my options and made the right decision(Which I DID). Thus I know I have the strength of mind needed to tackle this next hurdle in my life. I've overcome drastic shyness...So this is just another obstacle. "You never know if you don't try", right? And If I try, the thing is I CAN be that sort of person...Or at least the sort of woman who can enjoy all kinds of sex with her partner. Just like overcoming shyness, learning to live by myself without mommy and daddy, learning that I need to work, and can't just go to school(Though i'd love to just live off of scholarships for the rest of my life lol), etc etc...This is just another learning experience, and I plan to succeed at it.

I don't want to always think that if a man penetrates me, or takes away my virginity for the first time, or even if I just have non penetrable sex(Which I did think the first time I engaged in sexual activities) that he(Or she, even) is like, stealing my soul. And I DON'T think that anymore. So now I plan to act as if I don't think that way anymore.

I dont know what happened when you had a smear test, but if it was anything like the ones I've had then I wouldnt have thought you have much to worry about when it comes to sex, with regards to bleeding and pain.

It probably hurt and bled because you felt anxious.
It can depend on the person and a whole lot of situational factors.

As for him not wanting to be your first. No need to worry about it too much. It might be awkward o a little embarassing being around him - I have had 2 people not want to have sex with me before I had done anything. They didn't say it was so I wouldn't cling to them but rather felt that they would start me off on something and didn't want me to have sex. Weird.

Sex isn't all that great unless you know that it is what you need and feel like at that moment. It helps if that person is someone you actually like or are really attracted to.

Oh and by the way - some people don't bleed all that much. You aren't going to have blood spurting from there like crazy so don't worry about it.

Just put it on a shelf for a while and do whatever you think you should do.

I do agree that it won't mean much unless I actually like the person.

I had a friend who did what MiR5 suggested. She was an anatomy major and knew enough to know how much it would hurt. So she bought a few vibrators of different thicknesses and simply worked up in size. It didn't hurt at all, apparently, but one day her room mate found them and gave her the weirdest looks.

Yeah, seriously, tell the guy if you're a virgin. We'll go far slower, given that information.

Alright. That sounds like a plan. Would've been a lot better to go slower.

Well, I can't speak for anyone else but that certainly would have been valuable advice for me back in the day, not to mention sensible considering the choice I made instead. As for sounding like Humbert, if someone asks for such advice and you only offer your honest opinion there should be no wrong idea to get. Anyway, didn't ****** come onto Humbert?

Why was that censored? *mild confusion/annoyance*

To keep the site from showing up when people search using that word, its kind of dumb seeing as it is a great book and a somewhat popular fashion style but the admins want to keep pedos away from the boards.

How the hell would you know?

Hmm. That -is- a toughie.

I would say wait for a guy who doesn't mind your inexperience; there's a lot of guys out there that would jump at the chance to teach you a few moves. ;]

Ophie: Don't pick on the Duane; he's a cool dude.

Yeah but she makes a good point, you really can't comment on whether or not something is awesome if you haven't done it

I won't even touch the pointlessness of you telling me not to pick on someone, so let's just discuss why being "cool" in the eyes of one Tam Li Hua doesn't give someone knowledge of sex.

Eh...I think you get it.

Never said it did.

That you're a little bit crazy? Yeah, I got that.

OWNED! <---clicky

:--)...............

Ouch... owned again. Well, when you're right, you're right.

Most men wont fuck a virgin for the sake of casual sex. Who wants a 1 night stand, planned, where all you get is 'ouch it hurts, slow down, dont do that, oh god I'm bleeding'? Fuck that.

And some people here are making too big a thing out of this. She wants casual sex AND she's a virgin. She's not talking about some bloke who wants to be in a relationship with her and is prepared to take his time. She isn't ready physically or emotionally for casual encounters.

Well the thing is...I wasn't just talking about casual sex. I am talking about relationships, as well. But I see the point you made differentiating them. I think I am in a hurry to lose it, so I CAN get into a relationship, because I FEAR that i'll never be able to get into one because i'm a vigin, and I think no guy would want to deal with me seeing as.

As far as not being ready phys or emotionally for casual encounters. Perhaps you're right. But then my dilemma is that i'm most likely NOT going to find a good relationship the first time...So I feel it's best to treat anything I get myself into as casual, so that I won't end up hurt in the end. I feel that the only way I can get into serious relationship status, is the initial cherry popping from someone other than a serious partner(i.e casual). Hmm...But maybe i'm wrong.

Everyone reacts differently to casual sex. For the most part (I'm basing this on people I know), they have found it easy to SAY 'it's just a 1 night stand. All I want is to get laid', only for the night to happen and then they want more and more and get attached, and then get even more hurt when they realise the bloke only ever thought of it as sex. I only know of 2 people who have been able to have casual sex and not get attached.

I think if you jump into it in the frame of mind you are in, you will end up hurt anyway, and that really wont do you any favours. All I will say though is that if you are certain you can just do it and walk away, and you know and trust the guy and he knows whats what, then just be safe and enjoy it. Have fun with it, and put any horror stories to the back of your mind. I heard all the 'pain and blood' stories myself and it was nowhere near like that. I still remember my first time and from what I've heard, I was lucky. I had a fantastic experience, but was in a relationship with the guy.

Get out there and enjoy life while you are young. You will find someone when you least expect it, but unfortunately you can't avoid getting hurt, so dont let the fear of that possibility stop you trying to find someone for a serious relationship!

Alright. Thanks for the words of wisdom.

Whoever it was that said a guy will go slower if you tell him you're a virgin-that ain't always the case. Maybe my first time was the exception to the rule.
Then again, the guy I did it with was a complete asshole so I suppose that's expected. I wish like hell I hadn't done it with who I did it with.

The thing about breaking it yourself doesn't really help. I'd had a pelvic exam prior to losing my virginity (with the evil metal duck-bill of doom) and used tampons and I still bled a puddle about a foot in diameter and it was the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life.

Back to the topic at hand-losing your virginity is something you shouldn't lose just to lose it. You'll feel way happier if you wait until you can do it with someone you love and won't regret later on.

One thing to think about is that most women get really attached to the first person they have sex with. Just some food for thought.

I hate when shit makes me get all Hallmarky.

Are you serious or exaggerating?
Because that's pretty crazy.

I believe it, I heard that sometimes your hymen doesn't break completely, or just gets stretched, so you can still bleed after your first time, or like Pineapple after a pelvic exam. Myself I bled the first four times I had sex, I know other girls who said similar things.

NO no, I didn't bleed after the pelvic exam. I bled the first time I had sex. And Ophelia, that is NO exaggeration. Then again, I figured out what happened later and thus the source of the extensive bloodflow.

I once got kicked in the cock and pissed blood.

Ouch........

Were you trying to get someone to show you their boobs? I told you, throw shoes at them first.

I can't remember what I was doing. I was pretty drunk, so I probably was.