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Weird Childhood Stories.
We've all been there...and we've all done some crazy things when we were younger, so I thought I'd make a thread to share stories about what happened in your childhood or schoolyears that's made laughable.
Here's mine as an example. When I was like, 4 years old or something, my parents were still, shall I say *rowdy* and they bought a pair of edible underwear. When my parents were just watching television, I decided to slink back into their bedroom to see what was in there...and I saw this colourful box with a picture of Michaelangelo's David on it. I was somewhat illiterate back then, so I opened up the box to see what was in there, and voila! a pair of underpants that was made out of Gummybear material. That day happened to be Christmas, so I thought my parents bought me some candy for Christmas, so I went back into my room to eat it. It took me really long to finish it, because I was quite the slow eater... My parents stopped watching TV and they wanted to get *rowdy* so they went to their room to look for the underpants, They looked for hours and hours, then they realised I was missing, so they went into my room and saw their daughter, holding a half eaten pair of Gumy Undies in her hand...With a shocked expression on their face, I said "Mommy, Daddy, Merry Christmas!" :D There's my story, my parents asked me never to mention such a story like that, ever again....Oh well, sit around the campfire and tell :) |
That is awesome.
Ok, here is one of my many. My mom was home with me and my brother one day. I believe I was 4 and my brother was around 2-3. The house was deathly quiet and my mom thought this was really weird, so, concerned, she starts looking around. She opens the bathroom door, sees my brother, on his knees, head over the toilet, hair sopping wet. I was standing over him, comb in hand. As mom is watching, I calmly dip the comb into the toilet, comb my brother's hair, look up and say, "We're playing hairdressing Mommy." There was nothing in the toilet bowl, the water was "Clean." |
I have a few, and they are all at church.I was once in one of those church nativity plays and I was an Angel, I didn't like my dress so I held it up above my head all the way down the ailse... The next year I was playing a sheep (they put a ban on my wearing things I could take off in Nativity plays) Whilst I was up on the alter being a sheep I got bored so I started doing cartwheels with my firned all around the church. After that my friends sister who was my "Shepard" Had me on a leash and tied me to a pole, she then forgot about me and I got left outiside for two hours whilst everyone was eating cake. I apperntly all through the year used to run along the ailse when everyone was kneeling down and kiss all the boys. Maybe all of this is why I hate the chirch now and am such a goddam hussy.
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When I was very young, it was hard to get me to sleep. My mother had to rock me for a long time to get me to fall asleep. Once, she decided that she would sing to her baby while we rocked. She began to sing. I reached up, pinched her lips shut with my fingers, and said, "Don't sing, Mama. I'll go to sleep."
(And in retribution, I was cursed with the same kind of singing voice as my mother - really, really BAD.) |
Tall One In Black, hilarious. I doubt your voice is as worse as you think.
My father was moved to a "newly build area" and thus had alot of construction going on. Me and my brother, exploring like usual, found an interesting truck and wondered what was in it. The sheet covering the truck had weird handles and after my brother took some tries on it, I deviced to have it a go. It took some force, but I got one of the handles "un-handled" ... but not without it having it hiting my chin first. At first I didn't really comprehence what has happened ... untill I noticed a warm "ooze" on my chin. It was bleeding. I licked it up and my brother suggested we should head home, both not really caring about my wound. Entering my fathers home, my father noticed I had a big "wound". We went to the doctor (in a bugg fuss, can't remember how we got there) and he took a look at it. He noticed it should be stiched, and so it happened ... but my father put his head between his legs. "Aren't you feeling ok?" the doctor asked. "No, I can't stand blood", my father answered. On which the doctor said; "You should put your head between your knees and relax for a while". Upon which my father answered: "I know.". Kinda stereotype, I thought he was kind of a wuss ... but later I heard from my mother that he ones cut himself across his wrists trying to do the carpet before we were born (making it fit for the room) ... and he didn't pass out before he got to the hospital. Seeing he was as afraid of blood as most people are for "ultimate damnation" I thought he was pretty kewl facing his fears. Though even more later I realised he had alot of "skeletons in his closet". More then I could handle in a point of my live. Not really contributing informations, just telling he isn't a saint. Another very short little story is that I was never allowed to play violent video-games like Doom at his place ... but he punched a neighbour KO in one hit because he was "pushing it. OK, another little story: I was ones bullshitting (getting across and across and again .. kinda in a game) around a cycling-path when I was hit by a "motorised-cycle". -=Sorry, I couldn't find a translation for it ... it goes as fast as a scooter which is alowed in my country for about 45 Km (about 30 Mph).=- Bladiebla hospital, utterly boring ... I got a little more mobile with my broken leg and went with my brace around my leg to see how the neighbourly soccer-game was going. (Foot-note, in Holland we play soccer alot ... especially kids in the neighbourhood). One of the kids, that didn't like me, hit me on purpose on my leg while the ball wasn't even near. Aggrivated by anger, I picked up a stick from the bushes and smashed his skull (temper, temper ...anger control ... oh wait, didn't have it back then O.O ). Realising what I had done, although slightly content, I went home and told my mom what happened. After my mom FINALLY got me to myself ... the doorbell rang. After I heard the first sentences I was scared shitless ... fully realising what I had done I also realised they could do it to me. My mom listened to their story but didn't allow them to see/face me. (OMG, THANK YOU .... I was hiding in my own house ... O.O). In english "courtesy words" don't exist as I know them. You means you, against a minor/known or elder/unknown, but in my country they do ... and my mom told them that if they wouldn't at least use courtesy words, she wouldn't even listen. After they kept whining with their dis-respecting use of words my mom told them she had enough of the baggering and shut the door. I never heard of them again. At that moment I realised the power of curtesy, after that incident I often noticed my mom almost swearing/humiliating a person ... BUT without the words one uses normally. Defeated by intellect I often called it. Funny part of this story: Most of them didn't even realise it or were overwhelmed. I really loved the fact she often asked me for a second-though ... even more when I contributed on it. Most likely not the most interesting stories of my life to others, but they mean alot to me. |
When I was about 7 my parents would stay up and watch movies with my aunts and uncles.
So needless to say there was an array of party snacks and so on. And I wanted to be a big girl and stay up with everyone else. Well I got hungry later on that night and helped myself to some chips. Except they were the jalepeno type. Well after the first bite I began to run around the room screaming "My lips are hot!! My lips are hot!!" My parents had no idea what was going on till they saw the chips. I can handle jalepeno flavored items a little better than back then but occasionally my dad will at random start yelling "My lips are hot!" to poke fun. :o |
When I was two or three, I was caught playing IN the toilet by my grandmother. I loved water. Before she took me out, she took a picture; a picture that now sits on the bar next to the kitchen for all to see. To this day, whenever I'm there, I simply drop my head and sigh everytime someone sees the picture and asks who it is.
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Hmmmmm let me think..I only have 2 stories and here they go!!
When I was in first grade I had this terrible evil teacher and we hated her so much that we deicided to piss her off on a daily basis..Boy was that a mistake.One day me and a girl named Sam decided to get up on our desk and flick her off. We were mad becouse the day before she had us in the corner covered by a box that everyone has to go into when they have been*Bad*. So anyways after we got on our desk and flicked her off she forced us to go into this thing she called the canel and kept us ther the whole fucking day.From there i was so mad at the teacher i just gave up on her work and she flunked me.I made her regret it to....one day she was out side and she was stareing like she was in a daze so i shot a rubberband in her eye and ran away. Story #2 Its a short one really..I was like 5 years old and I was cought trying to flush towels down the toilet. |
My sister once flushed a whole bunch of pennies down the toilet and we had to get a plumber because of it.
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Yeah..But the strange thing was..is that I knew better. :D
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The rest of my childhood stories are bad ones. Ack. Stupid childhood.
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Yeah I agree..my childhood was pretty crappy..depressing really.
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When I was eight I had a female friend who found her parents porn. Thinking back now, it was probably actually a kama sutra book.
... We tried it. Failed. Then her mother caught us with the book. When my mum came to pick us up I thought my friend's mum was going to tell her, but she didn't! I thought, "What a wonderful woman, doing that for me." Looking back on it years later I realised she was just saving herself from embarassment! |
I'd find that more awesome then embarassing.That's almost like looseing you'r virginity before the age of 10! I tryed then, but I wound up looseing it at age 13.
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I saw a naked woman in a Playboy when I was five or so.
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And I was strangely excited yet somehow I knew it was wrong. I blame that incident for my obsession with sex. Well, not really but I'm sure it had something to do with it.
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I blame my obsession of sex on liveing in the ghetto in Chicago.
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I used to be afraid of automatic toilets. >_<
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That was probably the funniest thing I've head today, thanks Xng ;) |
I love this thread :D
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hahaha this thread made me laugh for the first time all day!!!
ok here's my story it wont seem as god damn hilarious coz it's a had to be there kinda thing and it happened christmas last year and it still cracks me up today... My sister and I were on the computer really late at night just picking fights with people over msn and such and then we heard the door to my parents room open and dad making his way to the office obviously coming to bust on us in that horrible way he always does and tell us to go to bed so we turned the monitor off and went to make a run for it and my sista picked up her diskman and bought the keyboard with her and ripped the computer off the table and we were just like screw that and kept running and since it was christmas we had the tree up at the time and my sista was going to make a quick escape around it and to her room but it was dark and she stacked it over a coffee table disappeared behind the couch and stood up again and ran straight into the christmas tree and the whole thing fell down and smashed a lamp into our flat screen TV...let's just say dad wasn't too impressed the next morning... |
And what kind of punishment came of this?
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My cousin Britany and I were out on a camp lake in a row boat, trying to get from one end to the other. Well, that didn't work out too well since the paddle broke halfway out and we were stuck there until we figured out how to paddle back without killing ourselves or drowning. It was a smallish lake but still...it was full of weeds and i'm scared of seaweed so I was FREAKING out.
So, we get back a couple hours later (about 4-ish) and started to pull the boat back in to shore. Little did I know, however, that the lake was absolutely INFESTED with leeches, another fear of mine. I put my foot on the dock and low and behold theres a MOMMA LEECH with BABIES covering her back, the size of my freaking THUMB!!! I shrieked like a bear was after me and closed my eyes, fliging myself off into the water from the other side of the dock, flailing while my cousin watched in a laughing frenzy. -_- It wasn't fun... but it is halarious now! ^_^ |
I think my childhood stories are only funny to me.
One time, my brother and I decided to go sledding, despite the fact that the night before the snow had been covered in a layer of ice that was sturdy enough for us to walk on. Anyway, we each grabbed a sled-- he had a big green sled as I recall, and I had one of those disc sled things. Anyway, we got onto our sleds and started down this big hill that was on the property we had at the time. We realized this was a bad idea when we discovered we couldn't stop. I managed to flip my sled over and stop that way, but he kept going, the brakes on his sled unable to dig through the ice... and slid straight into a hole in the briar patch at the bottom of the property. We still have a bit of a laugh about it every time there's a layer of ice over the snow... joke about sledding into the briar patch. We slid down everything as a kid... hills, stairs... (yes, we rode our sleds down the stairs. It was fun!) |
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Let's see...
When I was three, my family and I were at my grandparents house, and they had their solar blanket out over their pool. I was personally fascinated by this very blue, bubble wrap-like material. Out stretched one foot, and down it went, taking a tumble into the water, and myself remaining quite unable to swim, flailing madly. My aunt grabbed me by my feet, but that left me inverted with my head in the water. My dad was so bold as to kick off his shoes and jumped into the water fully clothed to save me. I tried it later again that same year. -------------------------- I suppose some might not find it that funny, but personally I find it utterly hilarious. |
I did that once, except it was a moss covered pond. It was winter about 3 years ago and I thought it'd be fun to sit near the grain silos. Unfortunatly, 5 years ago before I moved to where I am now some guy decided to climb to the top of the silos in questions and hang himself so there is tightish security. Anyway, this fat security guy in a ute (I think Americans call it a 'pick-up truck'?) started chasing me, so I ran like the wind across these railway tracks then back then over again and the guy followed me. Eventually I was getting really tired so I ran into this open gate that led into someones backyard. I was trying to be really quiet and decided to hide next to this fence that was really high so that if he drove past he couldn't see me. I trod on what I thought was grass but turs out it was moss coating this mini pond and I fell in. All you could hear echoeing was an array of very colourful words... je dodn't catch me though :P
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When I was about 8 yrs old my parents had me in a religious private school.
I used to go to church a lot and attended Sunday school. And I was always told not to take the Lords name in vain or I would go to hell. So one day when the house was empty I decided to tempt the fates and hid behind a couch and whispered "God dammit". I remember waiting for what seemed like an eternity waiting for God to smite me. Not a very funny story, but oh well. |
So...when I was really little we had a garden every summer, and I tag along behind my dad as he went around watering and picking things and such. He had a habit of picking a tomato and picking a jalepeno and eating them both at the same time, kind of like instant salsa. Me, being five years old at the time, had no clue what he was doing and I was, as usual, trying to be just like daddy. The next thing my dad knows I'm tugging at his pant leg, he turns around and looks down to see me, eyes watering, as I'm holding up half a large jalepeno in one hand and rubbing my tongue with the other hand while proclaiming quite forcefully, 'No good Daddy, no good!"
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Eyes, that's really cute!
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That was great. Made me laugh out loud. |
Heh, thanks Rockandrose and GeishaGirl.
After I realized I wasn't going to hell, I still prayed that I would be good and never do it again. Yeah, that didn't get me very far..........lol. |
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