6/11/2008
 

Slate blue sky with an orange wedge
gently sliced only by skyscrapers
A sphere of white
sets the sky in place
Gentle laughter copulates with concrete footsteps
No sleep nor rest
on this night
feathered branches have that bittersweet potential
to be my blanket
and the sharpened grass as my place of rest
but no more, no more
no sleep in this city
The pearls on top of lamposts are
my nightlights for words.

Nice work with imagery, badteccy. It's nice to see pieces like this showing such a vivid image with as little words as possible.

This is better than most other things I've seen you write.
I can't tell exactly what it's about, but it is good imagery, and has good flow.

Theeeeeenks

I loved your mixtures of opposites:

"sharpened grass" (when grass is normally thought of as soft)

"laughter" copulates with "concrete"

but I especially liked:

"The pearls on top of lamposts".

And I thought it was easy to see what it was about: taking a walk downtown by a park.

Very nice Kerri.

I truly enjoyed this piece. It's very creative and uses really vivid imagery. I loved it! It has feeling to it, and flows very nicely.

Thanks meeengs!

A criticism: the title could be much better.

Yea, I have no title ...I just wrote that because that was the date it was written and all, I'll think of something...
In the meantime...JAMIE LIDELL IS SO GOOD!

There are some good things in here, but some of the imagery was a little overly-wordsy for me. Knowing when to drench an image in words will make a good poem, but knowing when to pull and and use them sparingly makes a great one. Just an opinion.

yr opinon suxkz!

NO NO! I'm completely kidding, and I know what you mean. Thanks!

"No sleep nor rest
on this night
feathered branches have that bittersweet potential
to be my blanket
and the sharpened grass as my place of rest"

Yeah, I've had nights like that too :/