Ending
 

Lovely are the trees
where orphans often trample
their shattered memories
yes, it is most tangible
That I am not as delicate
though my body tells me no
I thought friendship was my tourniquet
for you it was not so
So I'll passionatley vomit
a beautiful array
and sink into the granite
and wish on a new day

Kerri, this is sincerely the most beautiful prose I have ever seen you pen.
Well done. I would love to see you write more in this vein.

Oh, why thank you!

There are a lot of good images in here, but the rhyme scheme is pretty awful, and there doesn't seem to be a clear theme.

I know I'm not the best poet, but I certainly don't think the rhyme scheme is "pretty awful". That seems a little...overdramatic.

What's overly dramatic about saying it's pretty awful?

Because nothing about it is "pretty awful"
Maybe "not great" or something...but "pretty awful"?

Kerri, if you can't take constructive criticism why would you post your stuff on a public forum where other writers are known to constructively criticize poetry?

Holy shit, I CAN take constructive critcism, that has nothing to do with it.
I also don't think saying the rhyming scheme is "pretty awful" is constructive criticism, just criticism.

Yeah.
It's contructive.
She told you the good and the bad.
Ophelia could have just said "You suck at life.'
Now that, Bad, is criticism.
She was being helpful.
Now be grateful.
If you plan to expose a 'part of yourself', be ready for a little coontradiction. Not everyone's going to like what you write.

Actually, I liked it. Not to really try to discredit what Ophelia was pointing out, but I personally followed along just fine. In fact, I relate to it. And that's part of being a poet, expressing ideas in such a way that people can relate while thinking you're clever. You've done just that with this. The rhyme scheme isn't the best, but it doesn't have to be. Great job.

Constructive criticism isn't criticism that sounds nice, it's criticism that allows or helps you make your work better.

So yeah, given that I think the rhyme scheme was unsophistocated and forced, I thought it was appropriate to just say I thought it was "pretty awful."
Next time I'll be more clear.


Actually, maybe next time you post a poem, just outright tell everyone that unless they're going to sugarcoat their review, don't bother reviewing it.

Oh shush, I wasn't expecting sugarcoating, calm down.

You're being a real dick and you know it.
I'm done with this.

Lulz....................

both of you need to chill. It was constructive, but it was just a little bit rough, that's all. Ophelia was just giving you a truthfull answer. I mean, come on, do you want her to lie?

Is this how you guys always get along? LoL!

who knows... but one of them is going to stab the other one in the eye preeeeettty soon... You can feel the tension through your keyboard....

it's just the internet, no tension irl.
Sometimes it's fun to be a dick online, don't we all do that sometimes?

Fuck yeah! Fuck yew!!!

What did the yews ever do to you? They're a majestic and proud breed.

Funny, you don't look Yewish.

I'm not. I'm an ash tree.

I was pleasantly surprised by this poem and agree with HP in saying it's the best I've seen you write. The rhythm might not be the most structured in the world but you can definately get a feel for it even without the rhymes.