Poem (short of): "Lullaby of death"
 

Is a really really weak line in my eyes, the repetition was done atrociously and it craps up the rhythm in my head.

and
do not flow into each other and the ending is also pretty weak it seems like you were going for that dramatic and epic finish and you fell short, by a large margin.

I didn't think it was possible to do so.

well, all this was just what came out of my mind... i have warned you, i'm a strange person with strange thinking, and not all people can understand me... you just happen to be one of those who fail to estimate me... however, i do have to thank you for your comment, even if it was not what i would expect... :) thanks again!

this line, "sleep alive and wake up dead", is not exactly literal, it's more of a "sleep as a human and wake up as a vampire/living dead" thing...

Hun, you're not that strange or weird, in fact this whole thing is pretty damn generic and you assume I fail to "estimate" you, and that is an insult to me.

Also if that is the meaning of
"wake up dead"
then what the fuck is it doing in this poem, where do the vampires and living dead fit in, why do have to be referenced like that?

I'm sorry, I thought this was boring and bland. The concept could potentially work, but I think you are using cliched imagery.

This part particularly, in re-reading it.

okay, whatever... this is my poem... if you like it, fine... if you don't, i'm fine again! :)

True shakespearean attitude, huh?

hmm... i'd say so, yeah! :D haha

Wow... what the hell...

You're not 'strange', 'misunderstood' or any of that bullshit, you just can't take criticism. That doesn't make you special.

I think it's nice :-)

Exactly. You pointed out what I was thinking of saying.

Of course you do.

This must be one of your first poems. Who is your favorite poet?

I like it.

To: Fatbaby

I've written a lot of poems, this is definitely not my first... My favourite poets are two: Edgar Allan Poe and William Blake.

To: The Antichrist

Thank you, sweetheart! :)

It wasn't necessarily a bad poem. You definitely need to work on your imagery, though. Steer clear of all that darkness and death stuff, because you seem to have picked up quite a few bad habits there.
Write a poem with completely different themes, or use a metaphor. Don't copy one from anyone else.

If you're stuck for ideas, try a spider diagram. Write your central theme, and then write all of the words you associate with it until you come to something completely different that you could write about, or use it as a metaphor.

Also, writing always gets better as you grow more mature. The more you write, the better you'll get. Good luck.
:D

thanks for the advice! i'll do as you suggest, and see what comes out of it! :D

Oh, it was no problem.

eheeheeh! :D

This sounds like a song, not a poem.

Come to think of it, I've been seeing that a lot lately. I'm wondering if it's because so many middle and highschoolers don't actually read much poetry, and thus the majority of their interaction with lyrical prose is through pop music.

^
It's very true. Not only that, but the lyrical prose of the pop music they listen to is awful. I've read far too many poems by people whose main influences happen to be My Chemical Romance or Fall Out Boy.

I do know a boy whose interest in black metal enables him to write quite interesting poetry and lyrics because it allows him to have an extensive vocabulary, but that's another story.

i liked it alot

To: ScorchedEarthErotica

Thanks! (By the way, this is one of my favourite songs! :D)