I am better than you.
 

Yet worry not, for greatness can be yours through association.

I am a person of intelligence and refinement, and my areas of expertise span all topics and transcend such niceties as genres, disciplines and mediums. Emotionally well-rounded and boundlessly knowledgeable, I am also infinitely charitable, and it is in this spirit that I walk among you, for all the world as though we were equals.

Allow me to explain. It has recently come to my attention that the internet is a sad and bereft place, full of fools, ignoramuses, wannabes, pseudo-intellectuals and users of text speak. Friends, a short visit confirmed a disturbing truth: I was forced to acknowledge that it was unaffected by my existence, an intellectual and cultural vaccuum. As a being of incredible talent, my pursuits are numerous and my commitments many and varied and my time valuable - yet as a creature of feeling, the sheer depth of my compassion meant that I could not, would not abandon the internet to the ministrations of such hapless fools as yourselves. I decided to spend a short portion of each day expanding the minds of those who frequent a single forum. Fortunate people, this is the forum I chose.

Rejoice, for your education is about to begin. This is a great day indeed; it shall be remembered as the day the internet was enriched forever, and the first person to welcome me shall be as Mary to my Christ, easing the trauma of birth into a new world which I enter only to save.

Welcome!
(First, ha.)
Gothic.net - full of pseudo-intellectuals.
I adore you already.

Hey everyone! Helpmann's back!

Many thanks, A Morbid Curiosity. You shall sit at the right hand of my throne when my interior designer gets her finger out and chases that cowboy she purchased it from.

Man in Room 5 - I am not Helpmann. So near, yet so far...

So? I'm as Mary was to Jesus.

-modest blush-
Those goshdarned interior designers.

When you ascend to heaven I'm going to be standing under you, looking up your dress.

I've decided I'm going to like you :), Oh , Welcome and such.

Such crassness, and toward My chosen Madonna as well. You disgust me.

Many thanks to you, Jack. I shall mate you with Morbid to produce Judge-worshipping uberchildren, which shall do battle with the undoubtedly pugnacious offspring of Man in Room 5. Your own seed will most certainly emerge the victors, as they will have My unreserved blessing.

Go forth, and fornicate with the pleasant girl in My name.

I don't think that you are Helpmann, but still, I'm glad that the ranks of members smitten with their own overbearing pomposity are growing further yet. We are, after all, the only interesting people here.

You may join the ranks of the Chosen. Welcome aboard, and congratulations once again upon your astute recognition of greatness.

This could prove to be interesting and most entertaining.

If you elevate her, then I'm going to look up to her. I thought that was the whole point. If you hold an attractive female over my head I can't help but feel elevated myself. I feel something rise up and point heavenwards.

Already? I haven't even asked if she does anal yet.

Turn your mind from carnal matters, before it's too late and you end up weighing 15 stone and fapping to animé. Such is the fate of the pervy sycophant - you have been warned.

This is incomparable insofar as it is not disgusting - indeed, the quest for anal is a worthy one and I wish you joy of it. Should Morbid wish to take it up the wrong'un from one with the courage to give flesh to his desires, she shall have My blessing.

Looking up her skirt, on the other hand, is just plain rude.

I wouldn't with you, no.
:P

You're going to get bored in a week .

You sound like an asshole. You should fit right in.

Welcome.

An associate of Helpman, that makes two following in his wake now.

If only we could follow suit, if only we were not tied to this god-forsaken wasteland by the burden of duty, if only we could surrender our aspirations of infusing this forum with a little of our own greatness. Sadly, we feel as though we must plough on, wading through this sea of infantile reasoning and silly hair in the vain hope of creating something better.

I wish I had never found this place.

Would you mind greatly if I quoted you in a signature?
I rather liked that.

Welcome.

Enjoy your stay and your intellectual orgies.

Yes, yes you are. Everyone is better than me.

Puh-leaze. You wouldn't know what to do with your life without me!

You're not Portuguese, man!