Gothic.net Community - Panther Application

An associate of mine on Myspace posted a blog about a stalker application. In effect, I found it interesting and am now doing this, in an effort to collect my thoughts and maybe figure out what it is I want in a homicidal jungle cat.

About me:

* I am very easy going. I'm supportive and laid back and not hard to get along with in the least, unless you sink your fangs into my jugular.

*I can't promise security or stability if you're on top of me. I've been doing martial arts for a while now, and will probably attempt to roll you off of my back when you pounce. I may even poke you in the eyes. I recently read about a technique for fighting dogs with your bare hands, and am wondering if I could alter it to help with hand-to-tiger combat. I'm already working on that, and I'm doing quite grand.

*I have a love for obscure music and probably really bad fashion. Most of my stuff is either bought at Goodwill, is clothes with paint all over them, band patches that I've made, slogans that I believe in, or even my own poetry. I don't know if my love for DIY will make me easier to track or harder frankly. Can feline preditors even see color?

*I'm not easily impressed. If you drop down out of a tree in front of me and growl meancingly, I WILL NOT care. If I wanted to see something frightening, I'd look in the mirror. I am a tornado of talent and pain. Now slaking me silently in a game of deadly cat and mouse? That just tells me that you're an equal, not exactly something to be chased after.

*I don't chase. I haven't chased all my life and I don't plan to now. In fact, I'm probably oblivious to your advances from the low grass.

*I love art. I love coffee. I love cooking. I love going for walks. Perhapse you could find one of these times to strike?

*I love gray weather. Autumn, Winter, and Spring are my favorite times of the year. If you hate hunting at these times, or are hibernating (do big cats hibernate?) I am not the prey for you.

*I love the woods. I'm not a master camper mind you, but I LOVE the outdoors and plan to spend more time out there. If you're a mountain lion, you're fucking golden... almost.

*I like to encourage and I like to give my entrails when I think you deserve them.

*I am not overly sexual. I love forplay and I love touch and taste and smell. But the act of sex with an animal is NOT important to me in the least. So if you just want to fuck, you're stalking the wrong human. Furries need-not-apply.

*I don't scream. Ever.

About you:

Physically: I like my panther to be put together nicely. You don't have to be a cheetah and in fact, that could play against you. But you have to be healthy and you have to be at least attempting to be as physically terrifying as you can possibly be. In other words, take care of your body.

Emotionally: I don't need you to need me. If you feel like you need me, you're going to fail. You should want me. You should WANT to eat my kidney because it tastes good.

Mentally: Don't be crazy. You need to be intelligent, and you need to have the sick cunning of hundreds of years of evolution. What's the worth of being devoured by a cat who's life won't be enriched by your sacrifice.

Spiritually: If indeed, Predatory Jungle Cats have Gods. I will not worship it, or even be aware of it. I am an atheist. People are faster than Gods, and cats are faster than people. Therefore, cats are like, twice as fast as god.

Even with this list, I can assume that you would imagine that I want a puma as a panther. That's right. I do. But even then, it's rare that I'll be impressed by you. In fact, you actually have a better chance of killing me by accident instead of it being planned out. I prefer it that way.

A deafening roar of vicious triumph. This is the main thing. If I find you horrifying or I find your fearful symmetry to be the things of nightmares, I'll let you know. Seriously.