Pastor Shot
 

A gunman shot and killed and Illinois pastor. Members of the congregation initially thought it was part of a skit because when the pastor was shot the .45 caliber shot went through the Bible, looking like an explosion of confetti.


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You never really know with those southern Illinoisans. They're kind weird. Every year you read about some redneck shooting a cow during deer season thinking it was a 10 point buck. There was actually one guy in southern Illinois who shot a 1 million dollar race horse, used his winch to get it into the bed of his pickup truck, drove it to the Department of Natural Resources office to have it tagged as a deer, and was completely shocked when he was summarily arrested.

My point is, southern Illinois is kinda like your retarded uncle who lives in the basement, he probably just thought the Pastor was a black man stealing the wine and bread.

Well put, actually.

I'm curious to know the backstory of the shooting.

Last time we had a big news church shooting, it turned out that the shooter was all bent out of shape at the church for being too liberal. I had the hunch that this case might be an example of either that, or the opposite, so I checked out the church's home page and listened to mp3s of some of the victim's sermons. It's a Baptist Church, and the trend is definitely conservative, but not really off the deep end, at least as Baptists go. So we'll see. The basic facts on things like this usually seem to come out within a week or so after the incident. At the moment I'm putting my money on some more personal, non-ideological grudge. Or maybe just shit craziness.

Call me cynical but I read the Yahoo article about this and there were 3 witnesses who stressed the fact that nobody knew the killer's movtives--which suggests to me that they all knew the killer's motives. Anybody care to guess what secret vice the preacher might have had which the community was generously overlooking and now declines to reveal?

You're right, Man 5; that -is- cynical.

Just wait. It will come out something like this;

The preacher was gay and everyone was cool with it and pretended not to know because he was a pretty cool guy. The killer was the one loudmouth NRA asshole who kept pushing to get him run out of town, and shot him because he had a drunken vision of Jesus on his TV between wrestlemania and the Red Green Show, or, alternately, the killer was the preacher's jilted gay lover.

Hey now, the Red Green Show is Canadian. The show clearly portrays Newfies, not rednecks. The characters on the show demonstrate an intellect more developed than that of a 10 year old, and therefore are clearly not rednecks.

Though rednecks and Newfies can be easily confused, there are a few key differences you can use to tell the difference. Newfies are basically rednecks minus the shotgun rack in the pickup, the case of whiskey in the pickup, the bull horns on the pickup, the rebel flag flying from the pickup, and the set of pointy headed white sheets in the back of the pickup.

Basically, Newfies are harmless rednecks.

Though they serve the same purpose as rednecks, a convenient scapegoat when shit hits the fan.

Red Green's hilarious.