Another poem
 

The assignment was to make a poem based on the "eclectic" style of the poem "The Forgotten Dialect of the Heart" by Jack Gilbert, which is worth a read.

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Untitled

Broken hearts understand our words,
They share sorrow with the quiet shadows
Of horses standing in a meadow.
My love is becoming hoarse,
A voice almost non-existent in the halls of me.

Touch is what my body wants from your body,
But touch is not quite enough.
Rough waves crashing against rougher waves is our touch,
Our lack of it, a puddle on the concrete.

You have clover eyes and I wooden hair,
But even in the corset of fear of neglect
Geometric puzzles are formed from our love.
If I scream from the laces becoming too tight,
Cock the ear of a paper crane and listen,
To my love roaring like a starved lion in a cage.

Maybe one day we will once again dance like dragon flies,
Or cry a crocodile’s tears,
For I can only speak through the words I write,
And your written word is useless, but your voice
Holds tight to the cartilage of my ear.
For now we might be lovers of gone and has been,
But Future may hold another story,
A fable pressed against her pregnant gut.

Gripping, nice job

It needs to be more economical. You spell it out for the reader too much imo.

One of the reason's I liked it lol

And how would I make it more "economical"?

i totally disagree ,i think it's good .
There is no need to change anything.
It's perfect as it's.

Does anyone have the text for a couple of poems that appeared in Weird Tales of the 1930's? I'm looking for Lycanthropus by C Edgar Biden from August/September 1936 and Ballad of the Wolf by Henry Kuttner from June 1936. Also, be interested in Psychopompos by Lovecraft, although I do believe he did have his Collected Poems published in 1963. It's for an anthology of classic poems inspired by the supernatural. Many thanks. Howard


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I love the way you make it work on different levels:
horses and hoarse subconsciously reminding the reader of whore,
the phallic penetration of "Cock the ear" and it holding tight, and then its result a Future's pregnant gut, excellent! Well expressed sensuality!