Untitled stupid whining.
 

Weakness is your armour-
You use it to hide
Your thoughtlessness
Your lousy Nothingness.
Without it-
you are absoulutely No-ne,
You'd better not exist at all.
Just another souless
Face in the crowd
Personality in Boxes-
All are so pretty, but which will you choose?

It's time to
Build an
Image, create
it
With the cold mind of the tactic warrior
With the compassion of a lover
The admiration of an artist
And the ability to look behind of the philosopher.

We all are like snowflakes.
Alike from afar
Completely different if you look close enough.


It sucks, I know. I just can't tell why and it irritates me. Got any idea?

Your literary skills are weak and your attitude is just off-putting. Nobody wants to read a poem that starts with "Weakness is your armour-" because we know it will be self-indulgent angsty bullshit, which is the real problem you have. This reminds me of when I was like 13 and wrote a poem about brutalising Jesus.

It sounds like you hide your insecurities about yourself by putting on a sharp attitude against everybody else. Hiding that you're actually scared from years of being "alone". So in an effort to make you feel like you don't need to "fit in" you attack people on their insecurities and try to make yourself feel bigger, all while putting up the facade that you're better than everybody else.

Cool story bro.

Stop trying to psychoanalyze people over the internet. It wasn't cool in the 1990's and it's not cool now. I'm not particularly fond of JCC, but when he says no one wants to read someone's "self-indulgent angsty bullshit" he hits the proverbial nail on the head. The fact is, everyone's tired of the whiny, overly emotional teenager concept. It's boring, unoriginal, repetitive, and most of the time, utterly cliché.

I just did it to prove a point... Gave him exactly what he gave the OP.

He could have had the same impact just by saying "Stop posting self-indulgent angsty bullshit", instead he went the extra mile to try and make himself big.

Somebody needed to call him out on it,

I'm surprised poems actually garner replies to be honest... In other forums, the poetry section has cobwebs,

And what an excellent job you did.

You wrote quite a nice one that entailed pissing of rooftops with Rembrandt , or something to that effect, I really liked that one.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe sometimes, people are blunt because something isn't good? The OP herself admitted she thinks the poem sucks and asked if anyone could tell her why. Someone obliged. It doesn't have to be about insecurities (especially with JCC, who, as we all know, spends most of his time being enormously pleased with himself).

Noirette (welcome back, by the way), JCC is right - the poem is weak because the concept is completely cliched. I'm of the mind that every poem needs at least one idea as its driving force, and if that idea is not at least moderately original then you're going to have to be one helluva writer to make it good (which doesn't even apply to many of today's published and established poets).

The best advice I can give on writing a poem is to cut any and all cliched lines out, and find a way to represent your idea without using any phrases which sound familiar, as virtually all of the ones here do.

I'm going to try my own hand at psychoanalysis: Maverick is butthurt that I destroyed him in that thread about global warming and rather than face the harsh reality that he is a slobbering neanderthal and I am a radiant demi-god, he would rather try and convince people that I am the problem to divert the attention away from his complete lack of mental faculty.

Well, thank you, Should've guessed myself it's the concept...
(Thank you for the welcome, It's nice to see people still remember me after not being here for over a year,)


JCC, there's a way to say things. Simple ethics. I wasn't going all "OMG! Look what an amazing poem i've just written, i'm such a genious, i must be the nxt Shakespeare!!11" or something, there's no reason to attack me for writing something shittty.

That wasn't an attack, you specifically asked for the reason why your poem sucked and I told you. Your literary skills aren't good enough to carry your uninspiring concept, or your concept is too uninspiring to carry your weak literary skills, whichever way you want to look at it.

You really do need to let some air out of that ego. You're way too arrogant for a 15 year old.

I seriously doubt you're the second coming of Einstein, so please stop acting like it. I can only take so much pompous attitude from under-20s before I go insane.

You've shown such a dire track record for good judgment that even the most serious of your doubts seem tenuous at best. This place isn't for you.

I'm not going to run away crying because some arrogant kid is flinging peas at me.

Everyone goes through the thesaurus stage and when you finally grow up and realize that it makes you look even more like a child, maybe you'll snap out of it and come back down to earth.

Til then, grow a set and talk to me.

Great diss.

See?

You can't even carry on a conversation. As soon as it's too much for you, you pretend like it doesn't bother you by going "Cool story bro" or "Nice diss".

I don't even know why I bother trying to give life lessons to an obvious loner in high school.

Keep up the attitude bud, see how far it gets you. It may win you some e-fame on a b-website, but that's about all.

Too much for me? It's nice that you're confident, really, but I have had a lot of meatheads try and squirm out of being proven wrong by telling me to grow some 'nads and I can tell you that it isn't the rhetorical ace you see it to be. It's interesting, actually, you have the same problem as Noirette. Not only are your ideas unoriginal and blaisé, you're such a humourless dick that you carry them with the same grace that led you to being dominated in the other thread. Log out and hit the books or some shit, you're not going to win this one.

Are you still banging that drum?

It's pathetic that you have to constantly tear at people instead of proving points by using your own ideas... I would suppose that's because you don't have any original ideas?

Why is it that everything you say always comes back to the first point you ever make?

You have no depth, and it's showing. Continue attacking people, it shows how sad you really are.

Look kid, as much as you'd like me to just go away so that your insecurities can disappear again, I'm not going anywhere. I've contributed more intellect to this forum in the short time I've been here than I've read in your history.

At least I can carry on a conversation without having the need to insult everyone that comes into the thread and disagrees with me.

And if I'm that much of a stain on your internet, there is an ignore feature... You know, if you can't handle the heat.

You know, if I was the kind of guy that tries to analyse people's personal lives from snippets of their internet activity, I would write an essay on that sentence.

I haven't spent an iota of time analyzing your personality, you wear it pretty well all over your attitude...

I just did some background reading into the forum before jumping in.

Besides, nobody needs to do any more research on what your problem is.

And this led you to the lazy and generic conclusion that I am somehow insecure for telling someone who asked why their poem sucks why their poem sucks. Your position is ridiculous, but I don't mind that. Your insults are terrible, but I don't mind that either. What I mind is that you're still here, snapping at my heels like an eager Jack Russell, constantly trying to prove something about me. I won't pretend that I don't like being the centre of attention, but seriously, you're a little creepy.

I just pulled that off the top of my head to prove a point. You reacted to it.

That's all there is to it,

I called you out for being a prick for no good reason. Noirette wasn't looking for praise, she just wrote a poem. If you don't like it, move on. Art is relative anyway.

Whatever YOU get out of it is a reflection of your interpretation. Whether or not you think it's well written is a moot point.

Do I think Pollock is a genius for the crap he made? No. Does my opinion make him any less of a brilliant artist, or make his work any less expensive? No.

She asked for somebody to explain why it wasn't a good poem.