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-   -   Silent Bird (https://www.gothic.net/boards/showthread.php?t=22751)

Wee_Love 06-09-2010 03:28 PM

Silent Bird
 
This space is cramped

There is no more room to grow

This life is trapped

With no where else to go



I want to run away

Leaving the past in the past

But he is the reason I stay

The reason I stay trapped



My heart accepts the bruises

His smile is worth more than my pain

If I leave, one of us he looses

And who am I to take that away?



Selfishness, I'm so infected

The guilt is tearing at the walls

Just one more day, rejected

Into the shadow's I crawl



I'm lifeless, I'm broken

I'm caged, Im hopeless

Another day, Another sadness

This bird is flightless, drowning in madness



Sacrifices, sacrifices

I'll do it for him

Maybe it makes me a fool

But I'll silence my sadness for him

HumanePain 06-09-2010 03:44 PM

It has potential, but try free verse instead of rhyming, and use more symbolism.

TheFeatheredÆtheling 06-09-2010 04:44 PM

Well done! You might be able to refine this poem a bit, but it has a definite feeling and purpose running through it. I like the subject matter and the tone. Thank you for sharing it.


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